


Goddess

by Basedgarbage



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gang World, Angst, Eventual Smut, Gangsters, Koichi mention, M/M, Tsuzuku mention, kyo mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2018-07-12 16:58:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 81,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7114489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basedgarbage/pseuds/Basedgarbage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Uruha joins Goddess, one of the largest gangs in the country, he decides to leave his past behind him. What he doesn't expect, that after a chance meeting with the man that almost ends in his death, is becoming fixated on the past of Aoi; the mysterious man with the goddess tattoo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fated Meeting

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out. 

Kouyou closed his eyes for a moment - let everything in his head fade to black. He let the scene in front of him burn into his mind: two big guys to the right, a skinny one to the left, and another fucker tucked behind the corner of the alleyway. He must’ve thought he had stealth on his side but Kouyou’s eyes were too keen for that. Soon the moment was up, and with the scene burned into his brain Kouyou’s eyes snapped open. He picked his target easily. Skinny guy to the left raced to beat him in a draw of arms but he was no match. Kouyou aimed his 40 mm pistol dead center in the Karasu fuckers head and pulled the trigger. Once. Twice. Three times and his eyes lingered on the man for half a second and saw him fall to the side; limp and lifeless and bloody. In time with the dull thud of a corpse hitting the ground Kouyou’s eyes jolted to the right where he was met with the final glimpses of Akira pulling a knife from the one big guy’s throat and lodging it into the chest of the other.

He shot his partner in crime a grin. Quick work, that man made.

Strides heavy, Kouyou made for the corner. His expectation was to be met with ferocity, with a gun in his face or perhaps a knife to his throat. His weapon was raised and his heart was beating heavy in anticipation; but his hands were steady – he was so used to the looming presence of death that it almost didn’t bother him. But only almost. 

Kouyou jumped around the corner and aimed. He was ready to pull the trigger at any sign of murderous intent– at any sign of resistance. Any indication that the Karasu fucker would make a move at him and he’d be gone. He was ready to kill – he was ready to stare into the eyes of the god of death himself – to let his trigger finger seduce fate into his favor. He was ready for the end. And he was ready for the Karasu fucker to meet him with the same. What he wasn’t ready for?

Tears. 

Groveling.

A sniveling mess.

_“Pathetic”_

Kouyou aimed to kill.

“H-hey wait _wait!_ ” The man’s eyes were frantic as he pushed his pink hair out of his face, his red painted bottom lip quivering. “I can tell you something good - Something you want to hear” Kouyou figured he was probably around 19. A couple years older than when Kouyou himself got into the business of killing. 

Kouyou smiled in response. What could he possibly say that Kouyou would want to keep him alive for? But he decided to humor the man. It was his only assignment of the day before his patrol shift at night, and even with eating and socializing factored in he had some time to kill.

With a few purely elegant strides - purely feline - Kouyou closed the space between him and the Karasu gang grunt. He delighted in the way he scurried backwards, tripping over himself until he was pinned against the brick wall of the alleyway by just an artificially blue stare alone. 

“Oh? You can?” Kouyou put his hand to his chin, mock interest tugging at his brow. 

“Anything! Anything! I can tell you anything” He visibly swallowed. The little mouse’s hands were even trembling. “L-like. I know. Uh well I can tell you anything about your previous General of the north district! Or about your own Boss.” He must’ve seen the disinterest on his face because Kouyou caught his breathing pick up. “L-like I know your Boss’s name!” He tried. Kouyou thought it over for a moment. Information on a previous General of his gang? His Boss’s name? 

_Boring._

Kouyou pulled the trigger. Once. Twice. Three times into the Karasu fucker’s chest and stomach. Nowhere vital. He’d bleed out rather quickly though, Kouyou decided, pained whimpers staining the air as he watched transfixed on the sight of the blood blooming from the man’s body. The man looked up into Kouyous eyes, searching for something that he obviously couldn’t find – sympathy or humanity perhaps. Kouyou only smiled. 

He loved the feeling of watching the life drain from another person. It sent a rush of adrenaline through his body, knowing that he held the fate of another in his hands, the power trip pushing the edge of insecurity deep within the pit of his stomach, _‘you'll never amount to anything’s_ and _’why are you even still alive’s_ killed quiet by the adrenaline pounding in his ears. 

He knelt before his kill "I'll see you again in hell" his eyes transfixed on the fading light of the bright blue ones before him. It was almost beautiful, he thought, watching a human cross the barrier.

“You just love to be dramatic, don’t you Uruha?” 

Kouyou jumped a little at the sound of his friend’s voice. He hadn't even noticed Akira come up behind him, but his recovery is so quick Akira didn’t even notice his little falter. Which he was thankful for because his childhood friend’s teasing could be merciless. 

“As always.” Kouyou stood only to take a take a bow, laughing. Akira shook his head. He’d become more than accustomed to Kouyou’s shitty attempted cool guy lines by then. 

"And cruel"

"It's not like you don't play with your kills too Akira" Kouyou pushed past his friend, clapping his shoulder as he moved by. 

"Yes, Uruha, but I have to hate them first to be able to manage your level of" he gestured vaguely "dickheadedness."

"Maybe I did hate him." 

Akira only gave a small oh in response, wiping blood splatter out of his eyes and onto his black jeans. He looked like a wild man. Blood streaked the side of his face and covered his hands. His white button up was practically dyed red with blood at that point, and so the man stripped off the shirt and discarded, it leaving himself in only a black tank top. It fell on the floor of the alleyway, damp and disgusting. Using a knife as your weapon of choice was a rather…personal decision. 

"Yup. I hated him. Because his pink hair was kind of tacky. And so was the labret piercing bellow his bottom lip" He poked Akira in the chest. "And stop calling me Uruha when we're in private." 

“You never know who could be listening.” Akira answered seriously. Kouyou watched his friend turn his bloodied knife over in his hand, examining it. “And besides, isn’t it kind of cool? It’s like being a superhero. I get this secret identity. I only share it with the people I trust. And I get to create a 'me' to go along with it. A ‘me’ who transcends the past.”

“Yeah you’re a fucking dork _Reita._ ” Uruha wouldn’t give his friend the satisfaction of hearing it out loud, but the concept was just his kind of romantic – the idea of burying his past with a new name. Someone he could create for himself without having to be bound by the chains of his past. 

The two blondes continued down the alleyway with determined, but unhurried steps. There was no reason for them to run and any unnecessary movement would have called attention to the two killers, civilians being more of an issue then law enforcement. Goddess payed off the police in the area rather nicely so with the allegiance between their gang and the law enforcement strong, they could execute any missions without fear of third party interference. 

Neither looked back for even a second at the bloody scene that they had created: there was no reason to. It had become routine for them – they get an order to kill from Goddess’s higher ups, they execute their task and they return to the apartment that Goddess provided for them in return for their allegiance. 

It was purely business. 

And on the business end of things, the Karasu fuckers were overstepping their agreed upon boundaries. They had been for weeks now; and it was apparent, even without a formal declaration, that it was war. 

___________

 

Reita and Uruha made it back to the apartment without problems. They pushed through giant glass revolving doors and made their way into the apartment’s lobby, their boots heavy against the cracked concrete floors. It was an older, run down building that lie in the heart of Goddess’s western territory. Prostitutes and drug addicts hung around the building as thick as the cigarette smoke that always seemed to clog the air of the place and the drywall was cracked and ridden with holes: some the size of fists, others bullets. 

It was shitty, but it was the closest thing to home Reita and Uruha had had in years. 

The pair made their way for the stairwell, shooting the most sinister looks they could muster at the drunk grunt levels who always seemed to hang around the stairs, cooing obscenities at everyone who passed by. The apartment the friends shared was on the 20th floor of the building and the lower levels of the tower weren’t reachable by elevator, all the way up until the 11th floor. 

There were a series of different elevators throughout the building, all of which were passcode protected, that could only take you to certain floors or areas of the building. Unranked grunts were condemned to the stairs, which only went up to the 10th floor, and low level ranked gang members could use the elevator on the 10th floor to reach their housing area. he ground level elevator was reserved especially for the higher ranking officials. Housing areas were sorted by floor and segregated by rank. The lowest levels of the complex were for unranked grunts, then, like Uruha and Reita, Foot Soldiers, then Captains, Lieutenants, until finally, the owner of the uppermost levels, their General who ruled the west district directly under the Boss. Each of the three districts of the gang’s territory was ruled by a General who oversaw the gangs operations: ensuring good relations between Goddess and the local law enforcement, keeping up with deals between foreign drug smugglers, and ensuring boundaries were enforced so that other gangs wouldn’t overtake their territory. 

After climbing a few flights of stairs, the pair made it too their elevator, punched in their passcode and rode it up to their floor. They exited, quickly proceeded to door 217 and Reita unlocked the door, being the only one who had the keys to the apartment in the first place. It was originally only his apartment, but after Uruha joined the gang it became both of theirs. Reita and Uruha didn’t mind living together. They had done it all their lives so it was natural to them. Even though they knew many people who found it difficult to be roommates, Uruha and Reita had been friends for so long they never encountered any of the problems other roommates had. Except Reita’s habit of bringing home strange women (and men) who always seemed to be exceptionally loud. That was one thing Uruha had always complained about (not that Uruha wasn’t guilty of that himself.)

Upon entering, Uruha engaged in his normal post-mission ritual. He raced to the shower to wash the grime of the day off of him, red swirling around his feet and down the drain. He watched the crimson swirls, his brain running over the events of the day. He’d managed to get two kills that day. Pretty decent, he figured. That would look good on his report. Uruha was looking to jump ranks as fast as he could. And one of the best ways to do that was to, of course, stand out during the missions. And keeping the Karasu fuckers at bay was a good way to earn himself some brownie points, especially now that they had been trying so hard to capture their turf.

Territory meant a wider audience of drug addicts to sell to, and a wider customer base for the gang’s weapons trade; which were Goddess’s primary sources of income. Uruha figured defending the Boss’s money would mean that the Boss would like him. And if the Boss liked him then perhaps the Boss would be gracious enough to share some of that money Uruha dedicated himself so fully protecting. He smiled to himself, imagining the Boss handing him wads of cash for his valiant efforts for Goddess. 

When Uruha left the bathroom, he was greeted with the sight of Reita doing normal Reita things: lounging on the couch in his now fresh t-shirt and jeans, playing video games.

"Pass me a beer," Reita called. Uruha went to the kitchen and tossed him one from the fridge, grabbing one for himself before he made his way over to where his friend was sitting on their second hand couch. Reita popped the cap open and took a swig. "We should get wasted tonight." 

"I would love to get drunk with you and play Mario cart all night. But I can't. I’m on guard duty later.” 

Reita nodded, taking another swig of his drink. "Sucks dude." Uruha plopped down on the floor in front of the couch, leaning his head back onto it. He sighed as he raked his hand through bleached blonde hair. It had been entirely too long since he’d had fun. With Karasu breaching their borders so often recently security had to be beefed up, which meant more missions for Uruha which meant less time to get wasted and play Mario cart all night which meant Uruha was pissed. 

“I don’t know why we have to patrol for him. It’s not like anyone can even get close to his penthouse.” Uruha said. “No one’s even goddamn seen him before” And it was close enough to true. There were plenty of rumors about the General, but it had been years since anyone had ever seen him. The only ones who remembered his face being high ranking officers who low levels like himself didn’t often come into contact with. "It's strange. None of the other Generals are like that. I wouldn't even know who I was protecting if something were to happen" Uruha said, making finger guns, shooting at imaginary enemies. 

“Hmm. Well you know I love hunting for information” That was true. Reita spent all the time he could reading, and he was always researching something or looking for some kind of new details or gossip. “All I know about him, though, is that he’s the one with the goddess tattoo on his arm. I suppose there’s not much else you need to know.”

“What if he’s fucking wearing a jacket?”

Reita laughed at that and downed the last sip of his drink. “Then you’re fucked dude.” 

 

___________

 

Uruha made his way down his patrol route, smiling to himself as Reita’s words played in his head.

_“But from what I hear, if you ever see him you’re fucked anyway. He’s incredibly skilled at killing. And doesn’t know much of mercy.”_

He wondered, if it came down to it, who would win in a brawl. Uruha himself, or the General. Nothing excited Uruha more than taking down tough guys. It was a personality flaw according to Reita. But Uruha called it ambition. He possessed this kind of need to prove his worth to others, a trait he’d picked up through his childhood.

And so to spice up his mundane patrol schedule, he busied himself with creating scenarios in his head. Uruha would meet the General, in his mind a huge, muscular Hulk type, hardened by years of experience, in a darkened alleyway. It would be raining of course, lightening would be cracking through the air and the bodies of those Uruha had killed to get to him would be strewn around them, decorating the scene of his macabre fantasy world. Now, Uruha wasn’t a traitor, so in his head the General had to be someone corrupt. Maybe he was selling information to Karasu, yeah. That sounded like a good plot. Uruha would strike him down after a long power struggle, the beast of a General not being killed by his first bullet, or even his tenth. Seventeen (Uruha decided that was a good number) bullets it would take to bring the General down. And all the while the Boss would be watching, shocked at Uruha’s valor. Standing with one foot on the chest of the beast of a General he single handedly took down, he’d be promoted on the spot. And get all the Generals money and privileges along with it. Uruha waved his arms above his head triumphantly. 

“Victory!” He called into the darkness, closing his fantasy with a declaration of his expertise. Yep, Uruha decided, it was totally going to happen. 

In his daydream, Uruha had wandered slightly off his route. He was on the 34th floor, the last floor before the 36th, which the General owned all the way up until the top of the building. The 35th floor was, essentially, a blank space. It would have been occupied by the General’s personal guards if he had any, but unlike other high ranking officers, the General of the West district choose not to. Uruha was staring face to face with the elevator that led to the 35th floor. He eyed up the elevator he had wandered in front of. It was giant. The General’s crest was printed on one of the doors, the other adorned with the image of the Goddess; their gang’s symbol. Uruha also noticed it was passcode protected, a small panel on the wall beside the doors. A series of numbers had to be entered before you could even get in the elevator, and Uruha figured hitting the wrong sequence of numbers would probably set off some sort of alarm, alerting hordes of blood thirsty men with guns ready to kill him for attempting to trespass upon forbidden territory.

The only logical decision was to try a random sequence of numbers.

Uruha bit his lip. What seemed like a good number to push? His fingers hovered above the keypad as he tried to decide. He started with 0. Good, he thought. No one was running at him with a gun so far. 0 was soon followed by 1. He looked around still nothing. And with that his hesitance disappeared. He quickly punched in some numbers. He hit a 2, another 0 eventually he had punched in seven total numbers in completely random order. As he contemplated the eighth number, the elevator opened before him. 

Maybe his heroic showdown with the General would begin today. He laughed at the thought, stepping into the elevator, letting it close behind him. He pressed the only button on the panel, 35, before he leaned against the wall. It would probably be an uneventful trip. He doubted he’d see anyone at all, let alone the General, but he’d have to think of something fun to tell Reita when he came back. 

Maybe he’d tell Reita he saw aliens.

The elevator doors opened. Uruha stepped out.

The first thing Uruha noticed as he stepped out into the corridor was that the floors were made of marble, the tiles an intricate black and white pattern, swirling together in plums like the first few moments of ink being dropped into water. Chandeliers hung throughout the hallway, but they were unlit. The floor to ceiling windows allowed the city light to flow into the passageway, but as the only source of light it was rather dim. The view, though, was incredible. Uruha let himself linger on it, letting his palms rest against the glass as he gazed out at the city below him, small and unreachable. There was nothing like this on the lower levels. The General truly lived in an entirely separate world from the rest of them. Uruha was reminded, as he was nearly every moment in his existence, of the power money brought. 

He imagined himself growing up somewhere like that; high above the city streets he used to sleep on, only knowing bright lights and pretty views and parties. Uruha imagined himself dressed in the finest of suits with a too-expensive haircut and high self confidence and a family that loved him and parties with too many drugs to keep count of and enough money to not have to worry about who was paying for any of it. He sighed. “It must be ni–“

Uruha gasped, cut off by a hand that grabbed at his wrist “Fuck” He should have been paying more attention _fuck._

The hand on his wrist twisted his arm behind his back with nearly enough force to break him, and with the weight of his whole body his attacker pinned him against the window, pressing Uruha’s face into the glass. With his left arm trapped between his body and the window and his right held firm in the hands of his attacker, Uruha was rendered useless. “Fuck” he cursed again. The hand around him tightened and then he felt lips press against his ear.

He felt cold metal against his throat.

_“What are you doing here?”_

Uruha stilled completely. Not that he has much freedom to move; what with the way he was pinned against the window, knife ghosting against his throat. 

“My damn job.” Uruha spat. 

The knife trailed lightly over his skin, and Uruha fought to keep himself from trembling.

“You’re here to kill me?” The voice growled. The knife pressed into his skin almost gently in contrast with the tight grip on his arm, the pain sighing across his skin as a paper thin line appeared across the side of his neck.

Uruha’s head felt like it was spinning. This was a bad idea. 

_“No”_ Uruha gritted. “I’m Uruha. I have patrol duty tonight I was just making my rounds –“ 

“In a prohibited area.” He heard the voice behind him hum. “Uruha…you said?” To Uruha’s relief, the knife retracted from the side of his throat. The man still had him pinned however. “Try anything funny and I will kill you.” The man behind him finally released Uruha from his grip and pulled away. Uruha heaved a sigh, finally being able to breathe properly. He turned slowly, not wanting to scare his assailant into another attack, and when he did his jaw dropped.

From the force he had been attacked with, Uruha had been expecting to be met with someone a little less…delicate looking. The man before him had long waves of dark hair, blonde streaked at the ends, which fell around the planes of high cheekbones that curved into a strong jawline and plush lips that curved into a smirk as Uruha’s jaw dropped further. 

Uruha looked at what he was wearing.

Skin tight black jeans and a simple, black tank top that exposed his arms.

Arms adorned with the characteristic Goddess tattoo.

Arms that could only belong to one man.

_“You’re the General.”_

“Yup” Was his only reply. “You’re Uruha. I’ve read your files. You seem to be doing pretty good work. I hear you’ve climbed to your first rank pretty quickly.” His eyes narrowed. “But tell me how did you get past the elevators security system?”

“I…Guessed”

The General threw his head back, laughing. He seemed...surprisingly trusting. “It must be fate then.” Uruha only swallowed. The General was strange. If Uruha’s position had been switched with the General, Uruha would be dead by now. And considering the fact that the General was a hardened criminal who had killed his way to a position of power far more prestigious than Uruha had the capacity to imagine, he was a little perplexed at the reason why he was still breathing. He should be dead by now. “My name is Aoi.” He said simply. To Uruha’s frustration not one of those four words addressed his inner inquiries. And neither did the once over Aoi gave him, or the way he bit his lip to suppress laughter.

“So this is what my protection has come to?” Aoi let his laugh slip past his lips. He put his hands on his hips and leaned back against the closed doors of the elevator, his head tilting to rest against the image of the goddess as he closed his butterfly knife and slipped it back into his pocket. His eyes fluttered closed and Uruha realized absently that the man’s eyelashes were quite long. He hummed again, an apparent characteristic of the man, “You can’t even protect yourself from me.” 

Smug bastard.

“You caught me off guard.” Uruha crossed his arms against his chest and straightened his back. He didn’t think that he could be any more pissed. He was a badass, cold blooded killer and he’d be damned if anyone thought any different. Especially not long haired effeminate men with fluttery eyelashes and pouty lips. “I could kill you if I wanted.”

Aoi snorted. 

Uruha found that, yes actually, it was possible for him to become even more pissed. 

“Oh?” And he also found he hated assholes who raised their eyebrows condescendingly. “You could?” And full lipped smirks. 

“I could!” Uruha put on his most convincing smile. “I’m pretty hardcore.” And gave his most charismatic wink. He’d win over some cool points with that, he was sure. 

Aoi chuckled. And somehow, instead of wanting to strangle Aoi, Uruha found himself less pissed when he heard the sound; soft and low and about just as soothing as the smile that washed over Aoi’s face. 

“Anyway,” Aoi stretched his arms above his head, his back arching as he let out a yawn. “You’re a pretty interesting guy.” _Damn right I’m interesting._ Aoi nodded like he made a grand discovery. “I’m happy to have a guy like you on our team.” _Damn right you’re happy._ He pushed himself from the wall and shot a smile at Uruha. “I’ll see you around, yeah?” 

Aoi didn’t wait for Uruha’s answer before he turned on his heels.

And Uruha found himself watching mesmerized as the mysterious man with a goddess tattoo disappeared into the darkness of the forbidden corridor.


	2. Piqued

“Fuck” Uruha mumbled to himself, leaning his forehead against the door of his and Reita’s apartment. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to knock on the door just yet. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to step back into reality, because his meeting with Aoi, the General, had to have been some sort of dream or fantasy or _something_.

Whatever it was, it left Uruha incredibly shaken. 

After Aoi left him standing after him, shocked, wide eyed, and just a little less sure he hated everyone not Reita, Uruha had taken the lift back down to his patrol route and eventually wandered himself back to his apartment door. His mind had been on the man the whole time, his brain replaying their encounter over and over again like a broken record. He felt as though he needed to hold tightly to every detail of their first meeting as if it was special or something. It wasn’t a feeling Uruha had ever experienced before.

And if he was honest, he would say it scared him.

But since he wasn’t, he would say it pissed him off.

Reita pulled open the apartment door suddenly and Uruha was thrown back into reality against his will, like he felt something snap inside him and he was back to being the Uruha he was used to being: simple, with clear cut goals and desires and not thinking of long haired men with dangerous pasts and too many secrets to count. 

He grinned wide at the sight in front of him. _Fucking idiot._

“Heeeeyyyy” Reita slurred at him, stumbling backwards on unsteady feet. He had a goofy grin smeared across his face that Uruha couldn’t help but chuckle at. They were hardened criminals, there were no two ways about that, but the men definitely had a goofy side to them that they almost needed to keep years of trauma at bay. Reita gestured for Uruha to come in.

“Hey” Uruha pushed past his friend, noting the beer cans strewn about their apartment. He kicked one, laughing softly as it knocked into the TV stand. “You had fun huh?”

“Uuuuuhhhhh yaaaa”

“Maybe you should go to bed?” Uruha asked, but he was already slinging Reita’s arm around his shoulder. He was too unsteady to trust to walk on his own, and Uruha knew from many experiences with drunk Reita that stability was not his greatest skill. Uruha lead the man to his room, where he let him flop onto the bed rather unceremoniously. He picked up Reita’s blanket from the floor, where he’d probably thrown it earlier that morning in his rush to get ready. He shook his head at the man. Reita always teased him for his supposed failed attempts at being cool, but nothing was dorkier than the sight before. But the playful gleam in Uruha’s eyes faded as he watched Reita’s face transition into something darker; being replaced with a more solemn look.

A look that he’d become familiar with over the years. 

_Shit._

“I miss her Kouyou.”

“I know. I miss her too.” He answered quickly while he pulled the blanket around Reita’s chin. “Now get some rest. Really, I can’t believe I’m here tucking in a 25 year old man” Uruha shook his head again.

“Shuuuuuudup”

Uruha laughed, secretly glad that got Reita off the subject of _her._ “Goodnight” He said and he closed the door to Reita’s bedroom and then made his way to his own. He decided he should go to bed too, so he quickly changed his clothes and dove beneath the blankets. 

Laying in the darkness of his room, he drug his hand through his hair, letting out a drawn out sigh. He let his mind wander, tracing over a past he wished he could forget. It had been so long since he thought about her, but the weight in his heart was still just as heavy as it had been all those years ago. He let out another sigh. _I miss her too._

______________

Uruha was generally a quiet man. He didn’t speak often, and he didn’t have many friends. He was, still generally speaking of course, especially quiet during missions. 

But ever since the night before when he had come into contact with Aoi, he had found himself to be a little different then he generally was. To put it simply; he needed to know more about Aoi. He wanted to know badly enough to the point where he was breaching the code of his personality (the code went like this: only talk to Reita unless you’re drunk, then talk to everyone.) And despite being incredibly sober, he was actually making conversation with someone he wasn’t familiar with; the driver of the armored car he and Reita had been assigned to guard on its route to the weapons trade point of that day.

“I hear he committed some, we’ll say, irreparable sin. Even for damned souls like us.” The driver took a hard left, causing Uruha to lose his balance a little. Reita shot him a look, obviously trying to suppress his laughter as the boxes of guns in the trailer banged against the side of the car. “Like he murdered an entire ward of Karasu by himself. 40 men. Gone in one night.”

“How’d he manage that?” Uruha asked, listening intently. Ignoring Reita intently.

“No one’s really sure. Not many are still around from those days. It was just around the height of Goddess’s war with Karasu. Not many original Goddess members made it out alive.” The driver nodded thoughtfully. “I joined the gang six or so months after he began hiding himself away, but I hear he’s a ruthless man. It’s probably for our own good that he’s locked himself away.” He saw the driver shiver as he spoke. “I hear he’s even killed his own men.”

Uruha wondered if Aoi was really that bad. The boss couldn’t have kept Aoi around if he was _that_ dangerous, right? If he was willing to take the lives of his own subordinates that would have been more trouble than he was worth, right? It would certainly put fear in all who he ruled over, but who would be content to serve under a general that took the lives of his own? And so it couldn’t have been true, Uruha decided. Also, Uruha just couldn’t picture it. The man was skilled, that much was clear. And it was obvious that stealth was his strong point, Uruha, even in his distracted state, wasn’t easy to sneak up on. And the man was strong as hell, even for someone who apparently hadn’t left the apartment complex in years. Uruha could surely imagine how Aoi was _capable_ of killing, but the man seemed to have a naive sense of trust about him and a charismatic charm that made it difficult to believe.

But the sense of unexpected danger made Uruha all the more excited. 

And he found his hunger to know more grow even stronger.

“We’re here” The driver said, pulling out in front of a run down, but otherwise unassuming building. It had heavy metal doors, no windows and no sign. It would have been strange, but in this area of town, every building was a little suspicious looking. “You’ll go check the coast for me?” The driver asked, but the two men were already getting out of the truck and making their way up to the door.

Uruha let his hand rest on the holster hidden behind his leather jacket as he followed Reita up to the door. He wanted to be prepared for anything that would be behind that door. You could never be more prepared, Uruha thought. When Reita knocked, three quick taps and two slower ones, he got no response.

Strange.

The blonde tried the door and surprisingly it opened easily. Reita stepped his foot inside the door, Uruha following after him the metal door swinging shut behind him. About the very second he got both feet in the door the man was grabbed. Two hands, coming out of seemingly nowhere, grabbed Reita’s arm and pulled him strongly to the ground, practically throwing him across the room. Before he even had time to blink, Uruha’s gun was out and it was aimed at the man who had attacked his friend. He was giant, at least a head higher then Uruha himself and moving to kick Reita in the head.

But he wasn’t quite fast enough.

Uruha only fired once, his aim precise and confident, and he was rewarded with the sight of Reita’s attacker slumping against the man, completely lifeless and growing cold. It sent a rush of confidence through him. He could defeat anyone, Uruha was sure.

In the next moment Uruha felt arms wrap around his neck, and he almost panicked – but only almost - the sudden lack of air nearly sending him into a frenzy. “Shit” He cursed, his foot kicking backwards to try to push himself away from his attacker. He saw, with fading vision, another Karasu scumbag come from behind a couch, his gun pointed at his friend and he cursed once more. There was no way he would let anyone kill his only friend. His hands clawed at the arm of his attack, trying to break free desperately. 

Uruha felt stupid, though, for worrying about Reita after just a moment of watching him. The man pulled a knife from the pack strapped to his thigh and threw it behind him with deadly accuracy, the knife lodging itself between the Karasu fucker’s eyes – dead center. And at about the same time Reita had killed his attacker, Uruha had kicked the man behind him again, hard, and broken free from his hold as the Karasu fucker cursed and lunged for him once more. He snapped around and shot the man in the chest – point blank. Once. Twice. Three times and relished in the power he felt at the sight of him going down to join the rest of the bodies on the floor.

Yeah. The bodies on the floor. Looking around, the two men took note of the three extra bodies strewn about the room: the men they were delivering the guns too. Uruha sighed, raking his hand through his hair. No one to deliver to meant Goddess wouldn’t get paid. Which meant Uruha’s grand scheme to defend the money of the boss was falling through. Which meant when Reita wrote and submitted the report on this, which he usually took charge of, he would not look cool at all. Which meant Uruha was pissed.

The two blondes looked down at the two dead bodies before them. Their attackers obviously weren’t disposable grunts, but skilled, experienced men that had at least achieved the lowest rank of being Foot Soldiers, if not Captain level adversaries. And to top it off, they were deep in Goddess territory, rather than hanging just beyond the border. “This was a planned assault.” Uruha said. “They must have had this organized for days.”

“It’s a little worrying.” Reita nudged one of the bodies with his foot, a disgusted grimace smearing across his face as blood got on his boot. “They’re getting bolder.”

“It’s nothing we can’t handle.” Uruha assured. And he believed every word of it. Reita and Uruha, despite being relatively low ranking, were rather capable. They had a lot of experience in their…field, even before they’d joined Goddess. Uruha was confident in his ability to take down any target that got in his way, and he knew his friend was just as skilled as he was. They weren’t a part of the countries strongest gang for nothing. In his mind, Karasu couldn’t stop Goddess, and they especially couldn’t stop the two of them. “I wonder what the General will do about this.” Uruha said, talking more to himself than anyone.

“What’s got you so interested in the General all of a sudden?” Reita asked, pulling the knife from the head of one attacker and slipping it back into the strap on his thigh. He was pretty frugal with those things.

“I don’t know” Uruha shrugged. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but he didn’t exactly feel right telling his friend the full truth either. His meeting with Aoi, oddly enough, seemed almost personal. Probably, Uruha was the first person to see the General in years, or at least the first unimportant person in the gang to see him in years and it was an occasion so special he wanted to keep it for himself, even from his best friend. He normally shared everything with the man, so one small secret wasn’t too bad in Uruha’s mind. He tried not to feel guilty about it. “Do you know anything more about him?”

“I don’t know anything about anything.” Reita laughed, turning away from Uruha.

“I think you know more than you let on.”

Reita laughed again at that, letting Uruha trail behind him as they made their way back out of the metal door. “Well I do know a little more.”

“Seriously? What?” Uruha said as Reita spun to face him with a dark and serious gleam in his eyes. Uruha gulped. The way Reita was acting, the piece of information he was about to receive seemed damn near life or death – so incredibly important that it would leave Uruha’s heart stopped still in his chest. Reita’s lips parted to speak.

“Well” Reita started. Uruha couldn’t help but hold his breath. “I hear he’s beautiful.”

______________

Somehow, Uruha found himself, yet again, standing in front of those imposing elevator doors. He didn’t know what he was hoping to accomplish. It was insane, wasn’t it? To think that he’d get to see Aoi again? To think that he’d get anything more than shooed away? Or possibly even killed? (Because Uruha still wasn’t sure why he was still alive, he really wasn’t.)(The more he thought about it the more he realized he wasn’t sure why he wanted to see Aoi so badly either.) (This realization frustrated him.) (Aoi frustrated him.)

Uruha frowned. Obviously, he’d gone crazy. He punched in the sequence of numbers from last night, and watched as the doors of the elevator eased open. He crossed the threshold with a sigh and drug his hand through blonde hair.

He’d been killing people since he was 15, but meeting Aoi was what finally broke his sanity. Incredible. 

When the elevator doors eased back open, and Uruha’s heart was pounding harder in his chest then when Aoi nearly killed him, he looked out onto the sight of none other than the raven haired man himself. He was sitting on the floor, leaning his head back against the glass window, the light of the city a halo behind him.

He smiled – easy and slow. “That’s good. I was hoping you would come back.” 

_What the hell does that mean?_ Uruha didn’t say, his legs moving on auto pilot in the direction of the General. 

Uruha plopped down next to the man and hugged his knees to his chest. His shoulders were tense, and his breathing was ragged, his bottom lip locked between his teeth. He wasn’t exactly comfortable with this…this whatever was going on between them. And so he just sat there, not saying even a word to Aoi, who in return didn’t press Uruha for anything. It was strange, but Uruha found himself thankful for that, not being accustomed to having his emotions considered by, well, anyone really. 

“Why am I here?” Uruha eventually asked, turning his head towards the General.

Aoi chuckled in a way that made Uruha’s nerves quiet, hushed the _you should be dead_ ’s and _no one cares about you anyway_ ’s in his head. Aoi scooted closer to him and then he mimicked Uruha’s pose, crossing his arms over his knees and leaning his head to rest against his arms, facing him. If Reita had done it it would have been more crude, he’d have made Uruha feel stupid for it, but the way Aoi did it it was almost familiar, like they were one in the same. A reflection of each other. (not that that could be right because Uruha couldn’t imagine Aoi’s heart was racing like his was, he couldn’t imagine that Aoi’s head was full of TV static like his was, he couldn’t imagine that his hands were clamming up and the status of his sanity was becoming unclear) If Uruha was honest, he would have said it was cute. But since he wasn’t, he would say it made him uncomfortable. Especially in the way that Aoi’s face was so close to his, the small puffs of his breath ghosting across his nose.

He figured personal space wasn’t something Aoi was in to.

“Because you want to be.” Fucker. Like that was supposed to make sense. They sat in silence for a few moments. Just looking at each other, Aoi’s eyes wide and deep and looking like they could see through ever charade Uruha had ever tried to put up in his life. It pissed Uruha off.

“You should have killed me yesterday” Uruha mumbled, so low he wondered if Aoi would even hear it. It was obvious, though, that he did and watched Aoi’s lips twist up into a smirk as he shrugged in response– almost like it didn’t matter to him either way. And that didn’t make Uruha feel anything. At all. Especially not anything bad. He especially wasn’t hoping that Aoi would like him. And it especially didn’t make Uruha worry that he wouldn’t like him (as a friend).

“Maybe I should have” Aoi said, smirk ever present on his stupid lips that Uruha definitely wanted to fucking punch.

“Why didn’t you?” 

“I’m not sure.” He sighed. “You reminded me of something I suppose.” 

_Something good or something bad_ Uruha didn’t ask. 

Aoi’s response, as well, was silence; the warm and comfortable kind that was almost shared exclusively between close friends - Intimate. 

But then Aoi perked up. His eyes widened slightly like he remembered something, his hand reaching towards Uruha, who jumped a little at the sudden movement. The man reached to run his thumb across the blonde’s throat, tracing over his skin with the pads of his finger. 

“Oh” Uruha whispered breathily. He had almost forgotten about that; the small line against his neck from where Aoi had pressed his knife against him. Uruha searched Aoi’s face as the man continued his ministrations, feeling the man’s fingers soft and warm against his skin as Aoi stared - brow furrowed frown on his face- at the paper cut like line on his throat. He licked his lips, and Uruha almost – _almost_ – thought that Aoi was going to run his tongue against the mark. He shook his head at the thought, which caused Aoi to retract his hand.

If he was honest, he would say he wanted the touch back.

“Did I hurt you?” Aoi asked, not sounding apologetic exactly, but inquisitive rather, his head titling to the side as he looked into Uruha’s eyes for the answer. Uruha found himself realizing it would be impossible to lie about anything so long as those eyes were staring into his soul. That pissed him off.

And then Aoi chuckled at Uruha’s lack of response. Really, Uruha thought, this man was endlessly annoying.

“Are you shy? You were all curses and anger and fire yesterday I’m almost not sure I’m sitting with the same guy.”

“Shut the fuck up I’m just as fire, or whatever, as I was yesterday.” Uruha crossed his arms and scowled, not pouted, mind you, but scowled at the man. “I’m not fucking soft like you.”

“And what exactly is soft about the man who had you pinned you against the window last night?”

Uruha’s nose crinkled. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Why not?” 

“ _Because_ ” Uruha growled, to which Aoi responded with a laugh. Uruha watched the man stand up, and shake his legs out. They’d been sitting for a while after all.

“You’ll be back tomorrow won’t you?” Aoi asked. He phrased it like a question, but he looked at Uruha like he already knew the answer.

“Whatever” Uruha said. He figured it was the perfect amount of nonchalant, but left enough room for him to actually show up the next day without being embarrassed.

“Good.” Aoi hummed. “I’ll see you then. Your General has to work hard for this gang. Lots of reports to go over. Lots of plans to reorganize.” He sighed. “And so it’s best he goes to bed early.” Aoi waved at him before he left, yet again, down the corridor.

Uruha felt like he was trapped in some sort of time lapse watching the General’s figure grow smaller in the distance. And he felt the same unease from the night before begin to creep into his mind. “Fuck.” He sighed, as he finally pulled himself up to stand. He needed to clear his head. Yeah, he decided, that would be good. He’d go outside and walk the city streets and unclog the mess of a mind Aoi had left him with.

Uruha made his way towards the complex’s lobby, his mind in a state of mush the whole way. By time he made it to the final stretch, the stairwell, he was already three crisis’s deep and going absolutely crazy about his feeling for the General.

He couldn’t understand why the man occupied so much of his mind. The more he thought about it the, more he began to conclude he wanted nothing more than to be a part of the General’s world. He wanted to be in his penthouse, high above the city, and wanted to spend all night talking to the man and he wanted, more than anything, to know more about him. To know everything about him. To know why he disappeared from the world into one of his own – hid himself away. To know why or if he had killed his own subordinates. To know what it was that Uruha reminded him of that convinced the man not to slit his throat on the spot. What Uruha didn’t know was why he cared so damn much about any of that. And he was trying his hardest to understand, because Aoi was not on the list of things that he was supposed to care about (Read: Money. Power. Status.)

Uruha paused for a moment on the steps. His eyes widened. He was having a revelation.

That was it, Uruha thought. Yeah. A promotion. That’s why he wanted Aoi to like him, it was to gain status. It was for power, and ultimately money. That had to be it. And suddenly it all made sense. It had to.

And Uruha, as he walked down entirely too damn many stairs, ran over the scenario in his head. The one that was reality, actually, that is. Here’s how it went: Uruha wanted to get close to Aoi, who seemed to trust and like him for some reason he didn’t quite understand. He kept going back to Aoi to win over his favor. He’d talk with the man, joke with him, laugh with him, watch his face light up in that way that it did when he was amused, that one way where his eyes began to sparkle so brightly Uruha could swear he would be blinded, that way that made his heartbeat speed up, all just so that Aoi would promote him. He would be revered; feared by all other Goddess members. No one else had been able to befriend the General of the western territory, but he would have been able to. They would practically kneel before him, grunts from every district running to him for stories on how he managed to break into the heart of the great and powerful General of the west. _I’m great and powerful too_ Uruha would answer, and the grunts’ faces would beam. They would immediately understand that it was true. _Uruha is great and powerful!_ They would say. _And handsome!_ And also he would get a lot of money. For being so great. And also powerful. That was a given.

Uruha smirked to himself. He was glad he sorted out all of the nonsense in his head and he was happy that he would never have to question his thoughts on Aoi again.

As Uruha hit the last few flights of stairs, he began to feel a sense of unease wash over him. There was an unusual lack of grunts hanging around the staircase, he noted. And somewhere in the lobby he heard some sort of commotion; voices yelling things he couldn’t quite make out just yet. He reached his hand under his shirt, pulling his pistol out of the waistband of his pants. He swallowed hard. 

Something wasn’t right.

He crept through the last few flights of stairs, the voices in the lobby getting louder and louder with every step, with his nerves on edge – his senses heightened to full power as the adrenaline washed over him – he clutched tightly to his weapon. Every corner he rounded he raised his gun, prepared to face ambush. He wasn’t sure what to expect, honestly. He had never felt unsafe inside the apartment complex before (aside from his first encounter with a certain General) and so it put him out of his comfort zone. He was used to dangerous situations in unfamiliar places, but this was a little too personal and so it felt a little to unneasy.

As he rounded the last corner - descended the last few steps - one voice became clearer above all the others. 

_Reita._

_“Get the fuck down!”_ He heard the man yell, his voice reaching his ears long before he caught sight of the man. And when he stepped foot in the lobby what a sight it fucking was to be seen.

At least fifteen wounded men, all Goddess members, laid out in the lobby. A displaced gun sliding across the floor, obviously having just been knocked out of someone’s hand. And in the middle of it all there was none other than Reita, his knee in the back of someone he didn’t recognize as he held a machete to the side of his neck.

“What’s given Karasu the balls to set foot in our complex?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me longer than expected to write lol. But look forward to more soon! Still hoping its not boring, because I can't really tell.


	3. Prisoner

Uruha groaned, eyes screwing shut as light infiltrated his eyes. Lucky him. The only window in their _entire_ apartment and it was right across from his bed.

He drug his hand through his hair and yawned, groggy and pissed and tangled in his sheets. Last night had been a mess. When he saw that scene before him the previous night, he damn near went white with rage: a Karasu fucker breaking into _their_ apartment complex?

It was unbelievable. How could he have been so fucking bold? And what did he even expect? To not be taken down? The man had to have been fucking crazy.

It pissed Uruha off to think about, well, really the entire situation pissed him off. And not just the Karasu fucker, but other aspects of the situation as well.

After Reita had the invader disabled on the ground, a man - tall and dark haired with a handsome, scared face - Lieutenant Tora (just below Aoi in terms of rank), had intervened. He ordered Reita “Hold him in place but don’t kill him. We can get information out of him.” And then he proceeded to cuff the man with Reita’s assistance. The Karasu member put up a fantastic struggle, kicking and biting, curses spewing from his mouth, but Uruha hadn’t expected anything less, watching unnoticed from the bottom of the stairs. The Lieutenant, while Reita had the man cuffed and held into place, took out a long needle, one that resembled a sewing needle more than anything only about twice as long and four times as terrifying. He ordered Reita “Hold his head still.” the back of the Karasu fucker’s neck facing the Lieutenant. Uruha watched, hypnotized, as the man pushed the needle into the bound man’s neck, slowly and steadily obviously skilled and very confident in his every gesture. All movement ceased. He hit a pressure point. The prisoner was out cold, the expert hand of the Lieutenant putting him under with one fluid movement.

It wasn’t often that Uruha felt fear. 

He supposed the high ranking officials and people like him were separated by oceans. Oceans of money, class, skill and overall deadliness. Uruha found himself certain he didn’t want to be on the other opposite end of that aggression – but rather beside it, adding his own aggression and deadliness to the mix. More than afraid, Uruha felt excitement. He wanted to be on the same level as these people.

Reita and the Lieutenant had their prisoner secured - properly cuffed. The Lieutenant had then turned to Uruha. “You’re not injured?” he called “Come out here.” To which Uruha first responded with a jump. He had thought he was concealed by the darkness hanging over the stairwell, but apparently not. He then ordered the man to take the wounded that couldn’t get themselves to the apartment’s hospital, which was less a hospital and more a larger than average room with a few beds and some (illegally purchased) medical supplies, manned by about four med school drop outs who had racked up a high enough debt to be forced to work for Goddess. They patched people up pretty well, though.

Uruha, singlehandedly mind you (Reita said to him he had 'matters to attend so I left the apartment door unlocked' and slipped back out the lobby doors once the prisoner was handed over to Lieutenant Tora), piggybacked 6 of the 15 wounded men from the lobby (the other 9 were well enough to walk themselves, although some of them required some coaxing and pep talk before they made the trek) all the way to the makeshift emergency room. 

Uruha loved the sight of blood. He found it enchanting - romantic maybe even. Especially when he was the one causing it to pour from others. But the blood of strange men leaking on him, covering his hands, and soaking through the back of his shirt as he, sweaty and tired, carried the useless grunts to the hospital drove him fucking wild. 

_They should be able to take care of themselves!_ Is what Uruha _would_ have told Reita if he hadn’t been out…he didn't know. Being an asshole?

Uruha huffed, sitting up and detangling himself from his covers, still in disbelief over last night. He couldn't wait until he saw Reita. He wouldn't let the man hear the end of it. 

He pulled himself from bed and went into his bathroom, the situation still playing back in his mind. He grabbed his toothbrush and angrily sorted out his dental hygiene. Fuck Reita, he decided. Because of him his arms were sore from carrying people. Brushing his teeth was even a strain. Uruha quickly finished and got in the shower, then he proceeded to prepare himself for the day. He didn’t have anywhere to go, really. He had no assignment that day, Reita had probably already written and submitted their report on their last mission already, and he didn’t even have patrol duty later that night. For the first time in a while Uruha was a free man. He didn’t know what to do with himself, especially after he busted into Reita’s room, fully ready to assault him for what he did. (He figured a few punches to the head would be fair for abandoning him with work). He was surprised to see Reita wasn’t there at all. He frowned, surveying the empty room in front of him, tangles of sheets on the bed and no blonde in the middle of it all. Had he not come home that night? It was a little worrying. 

Uruha went into the kitchen and grabbed a bowl out of the cabinet. When he placed it on the counter he noticed a note next to the sink, a key set on top of it to weigh it down. Uruha picked up the note and read. 

_I got you your own key finally. I hope you stop complaining about not having one._

_Be back tonight, don’t die before I get back. Or do. Either way is fine._

_-Reita_

Uruha crumpled the note and tossed it in the trash. “Bitch.” He said, heading towards the entryway where he slid his boots on. He was angry, and wanted to take a walk. Get out. Do something. Anything. He should have known by then not to waste concern on Reita.

The blonde swung open the door and took a step out, figuring that maybe he’d go out for breakfast since Reita’s stupid fucking note interrupted his cereal making process.

Shit.

The note. The _key._

It wasn’t until the door shut behind him that he realized he left the key on the counter.

He kicked the door “Shit” he felt like a fucking idiot. 

He cradled his head in his hands. This wasn’t going to be a good day. He could already tell.

He figured he could still go out for breakfast and just hang around the city until Reita got back. That didn’t seem like a horrible prospect. But an idea struck, He could go to the corridor where he meets with Aoi. And just hang around there. He wasn’t sure if Aoi would be there or not, but he figured he would just hang out until he was. To enact operation become-Aoi’s-friend-and-then-get-promoted, of course. No other reason.

___

 

Uruha felt the magic of the first night he had adventured to this corridor resurface. He had never seen it well lit, the previous times he came there being when it was night time. But now that it was early in the day and light was pouring in from the floor to ceiling windows, he could see every detail clearly. He had a restored sense of awe. Everything about the upper floors, he was certain, must’ve been beautiful. 

This time, he decided to go on a little adventure in Aoi’s territory. He headed in the direction where Aoi usually disappeared to all those times when he’d watched him but didn’t follow. 

_If this is the hallway imagine what his penthouse looks like._ Uruha thought. There were various different doors along the hallway opposite the windows, each leading to presumably empty rooms, dusty and unused for possibly years, their doors each made of finely crafted mahogany, dark and a stark contrast against the white walls, a golden quatrefoil pattern decorated along them evoking feelings of royalty.

He really hoped he’d get his promotion soon if this is what being a high ranking Goddess official meant. 

He began to imagine Aoi promoting him _You’ll be my personal guard!_ he’d say, finally acknowledging his skill and potential as a Goddess member. _This is your room!_ he would say, handing him the key to his new apartment (no note with snarky comments on it involved) and he’d open those mahogany doors and step into the life of luxury he deserved.

Uruha, for the first time, wasn’t surprised to find Aoi. He heard the footsteps coming from down a connecting hallway, gently pulling him from his reverie. When he rounded the corner Aoi didn’t seem surprised to see Uruha either. But the General never was surprised, always maintaining his calm and collected demeanor. 

He smiled that gentle smile of his. “Hey.”

“Hey” replied the blonde, subconsciously smiling himself. “How do you always know when I’ll be here?”

“Fate.” Aoi moved closer to Uruha, who, if he was honest, would say that Aoi had taken his breath away. He had never seen the man in full lighting, and now there he was, long hair framing his face, full lips twisted into a smile, his sleeveless top taking a deep V to expose his chest, an intricate necklace guiding his eye to it, the sliver glinting in the light. He had on am equally black cardigan over his top that came down mid-thigh, also sleeveless, leaving his tattooed arms exposed and his ringed fingers tapped against his thigh – clad in skin tight leather, leading down to laced up combat boots. Reita’s voice played in his head _I hear he’s beautiful._ (as a friend.) “No. Actually there’s a security camera over there. And I also get alerted when someone uses that elevator.”

Uruha nodded.

“But, honestly, yesterday I waited and waited for you to come. I couldn’t stand staying up in my penthouse waiting for the security panel to start blinking. I was too eager.” Aoi let out another laugh. He had to have been joking. Uruha was sure he was. And so he ignored the statement (and what it made him feel.)

“Do you spend a lot of time doing that? Watching the security panels?”

Aoi shrugged to which he received a frown from the blonde, sincerely having wanted insight on Aoi’s daily life. He was going to be a tough shell to crack, huh? That was fine, Uruha thought. He loved challenges. He would conquer Aoi eventually.

“Come with me. I have something I want you to help me with.” Aoi said before he was grabbing Uruha’s hand, almost dragging him in the direction he came from. Uruha couldn’t help but notice how warm and soft Aoi’s hand was, the way it fit nicely into his. He cleared his throat. He supposed he was happy. He supposed he was happy because people he wanted to be friends with someone apparently took good care of their skin. That was all. He admired that (as a friend). That was all. Aoi probably used expensive hand cream. Good for him.

“Where are we going?” Uruha asked. The response from Aoi was a quick glance over his shoulder. He remained silent and kept leading the way, his hand wrapped around Uruha’s like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“We have some business to attend to in the basement.” Aoi finally said, leading him down the winding halls that all looked exactly the damn same. He could never navigate this maze of a floor by himself. “I thought you would be a good fit to help me.”

Uruha beamed at the compliment, but his curiosity became sparked by Aoi’s comment. “How do you know anyone’s a good fit for anything if you don’t ever leave your room?”

He watched Aoi wince. 

Incredible. 

He had hit a nerve with the man who he was trying so hard to be friends with. Obviously he was going to hate him, Uruha thought, _'I should have left you on the street to die'_ s and _'You’re more trouble than your worth'_ s pounding loud against his skull.

_Why am I such a fuck up?_

When Aoi took his hand out of his (shitshitshitshitshit) and turned towards Uruha he expected rage. He expected anger and the readiness to snap his neck or strangle him or _something_ that made more sense than the soft smile that Aoi plastered across his face.

“I know everyone in the complex – well - from reading your reports, at least. I don’t have any personal relationships with anyone of course, but from the files, I can consider the types of jobs you take, how you perform and your weapon choices. From that I’m able to organize appropriate tasks for everyone accordingly. And I’d say it was pretty effective.” The raven hummed softly, turning to continue leading Uruha down the path (with his hands to himself this time). “I suppose it was even more effective when I did have personal connections with you all…” Aoi shrugged. ”But then again you all die eventually. So I suppose it was more difficult in that sense.”

“Don’t you have faith in your subordinates?” It was kind of cruel to assume all of them would just end up dying.

Aoi chuckled. “Some of them, sure.” He took a long pause, running his tongue over his bottom lip before he let out a low hum. “Why did you join this gang, Uruha?” 

“Easy. My friend joined before me and I liked what it got him, you know. A room to sleep in and pretty decent pay. Plus he was always sleeping with some hot, Goddess affiliated babe. Goddess offers a pretty good deal plus I enjoy killing and I’m good at it so what’s not to like?”

“Those aren’t good reasons at all!” Aoi laughed. Then he faced Uruha, eyes narrowing. His voice dropped an octave, heavy with innuendo. “Can I be your hot Goddess babe?”

Uruha shoved the General playfully “Stop fucking around.”

“What a shame." Aoi shrugged, shaking his head lightly. "And here I was all this time. Just thinking about how fun it would be to fuck around with you.”

“Wha…What are you saying?”

“It’s a joke Uruha relax.” Aoi rolled his eyes and turned all the way around, putting his hands on the blonde’s shoulders, rubbing them lightly. “You’re so tense.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to relax?”

“Easy.” A grin slipped across Aoi’s face as he let his arms slip around Uruha’s neck, stopping in the middle of the hallway. “Like this.” Aoi said. He took a deep, dramatized breath in, and another one out, his breath ghosting across Uruha’s lips. “Just breathe man.”

“You motherfucker.”

Aoi tilted his head back, laughter racking through his body as he slid away from the blonde. “I suppose it’s not the worst thing I’ve been called.” He turned on his heels, leading Uruha, yet again, down the corridor.

Uruha thought for a moment. “Why did you join Goddess?”

Aoi shrugged.

Uruha waited.

Aoi kept walking. 

Just a step ahead of him, but still far out of reach. 

“We’re here.” He said, punching in the code of that particular elevator, this one the same marble pattern as the hallway floor, beautiful and imposing and somehow in perfect harmony with Aoi’s sense of style. All the décor, in general, seemed to harmonize perfectly with Aoi. The raven stepped in, gesturing Uruha in after him. Aoi turned his head to Uruha, looking up at him with clear, deep eyes. “I’m glad you’re here. I wanted you to come with me for this anyway.”

Uruha swallowed, incredibly aware of how close he and Aoi were. He took a step back, shoving his hands into his pockets. A meek “Yeah.” Was his only answer.

After their descent, the doors began to reopen. Aoi led him down another hallway, this one pure white. White walls. Whit linoleum floor. White lights. The only thing not pure white in the room were the several doors they passed along the way, metal with small, barred windows. He wasn’t even aware there was an area of the complex that was like this. He wondered how much else there was that he didn’t know about. 

Aoi stopped in front of one of the doors. He punched in a code beside the door, and then swung it open. 

The blonde wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but whatever it was it wasn’t what was before him. 

Aoi stepped in before the blonde, with Uruha following closely after him. The cell was a wide and dark room, a single red bulb overhead being the only source of light. It was muggy, but still uncomfortably cold, the concrete floors providing no insulation. The room was interesting. There was a medical like table in the one corner of the room - complete with arm and leg straps - long needles and other instruments on a small stand beside it, looking like something straight out of a horror movie. On the other end of the room was a single toilet, unconcealed and offering no privacy. There was a small tub of water close to that and Uruha had a sneaking suspicion it had nothing to do with bathing. Beside that was a heavy metal cabinet that was tightly pad locked. Uruha imagined it contained other torture devices. The most interesting thing in the room by far, however, was the man in the middle of it. The Karasu invader from the previous night kneeled in the center of the room. His arms were cuffed tightly behind his back, and his ankles were shackled together as well, his black hair falling in front of wild eyes, doing nothing to conceal the bruises on the man’s face. Those hadn’t been put there during the lobby ordeal. They had to have happened after that. They had to have been torturing the man for information. Uruha couldn’t say he was surprised. What else would they do? Chat with the invader about gang plans over dinner? No.

Aoi spoke up. “I hear you’re ready to talk.”


	4. Death is preferable

 

Even though Aoi had said that he heard the man was ready to start giving them information, the wild – feral almost – look in his eyes told otherwise. Uruha knew that if the Karasu fucker wasn’t bound, his hands would have been wound around their necks, the hatred he felt for them burning strong in his eyes. They’d be as good as dead to the man. He was full of fight.

Uruha turned to the General. “You want me to help torture information out of him?”

“No.” Aoi shook his head. “I just want you to back me up. In case, you know, something goes wrong.” The Karasu bitch was practically snarling at them at this point. “I hear you’re a pretty good shot. Don’t miss if something goes wrong.” Aoi winked at the blonde, walking over to the prisoner on the floor, each and every one of his steps slow and calculated, his hips swaying back and forth gently. Aoi conquered the room, exuding a confidence and aura that overpowered everything, told everyone in the room that _he_ was the one in control and that _he_ was the king of this tower and if anyone died it would be at his discretion. It was that same smug demeanor Aoi always met him with, but ramped up tenfold.

Uruha watched the General crouch beside the Karasu fucker, his hand reaching out to the prisoner and tilting his face up to meet his eyes – almost gentle, the hard coldness of his eyes the only thing belying the notion that that was an intimate gesture.

“I did a little research on you. Hear your name is Tsuzuku.” Uruha watched as Aoi ran his thumb across the man’s cheek, humming. Uruha aimed his gun at his head. Just to be ready. “So tell me, Tsuzuku, are you afraid to die?” The prisoner’s response was a tight-jawed silence. “Because if you are you won’t be by time I’m through with you.”

Aoi flipped out his butterfly knife – and Uruha had never taken the time to get a good look at the weapon, his brief encounter with it having been a distracting one. It was iridescent, pinks and yellows and all kinds of colors swirling around the metal like an oil slick, feminine and sharp and deadly – it didn’t suit Aoi’s usual style which was an elegant one, yes, but with an edge of masculinity. It was beautiful nonetheless, albeit displaced. He watched the General run his thumb over the dull side of it, almost affectionately, before he brought it rest on Tsuzuku’s cheek. “So tell me. What were your intentions during your little…raid?” He ran the knife gently over his cheek, pressing harder the further he trailed down. By time he reached the man’s jaw, he was pressing hard enough to create a deep gash, possibly even touching the bone. The man gritted his teeth at the pain, his legs twitching aimlessly in attempted protest, arms straining against his confines.

He was right in Aoi’s palm.

“I won’t fucking tell you.” He spat, venom in his words.

“Oh?” Aoi grinned. “You won’t?” In one swift movement, Aoi stood up and hooked his arms around the prisoners cuffed ones, he drug him to his feet and roughly pushed him over to the tub of water. He threw the man down, who fell to his knees before the small tub. Aoi tangled his hand in the black strands of the man before him as Uruha repositioned himself for clearer aim at the Karasu fucker’s head. Uruha saw, with a now clear view to the tub, Aoi dunk the man under, his strains and protests intensifying as the water grew red with the blood from his gash. 

So this was it? This was Aoi, The General of the West – the ruthless killer feared by all of Goddess?

Uruha felt privileged.

He felt his interest in the General burn even stronger at the display he was putting on. 

Aoi’s grip visibly tightened in the man’s hair “You will talk.” He brought the man above the water, his shuddering gasps for breath loud in the dim room. “Or you will die.”

“I’m only a grunt – I don’t know anything. I –“

Aoi dunked him under the water again, his expression hard and unrelenting. When he pulled the man up again, Aoi lowered his face into the man’s neck – his lips pressing close to the man’s ear. Entirely too close. Uruha never considered that Aoi’s entirely-too-close nature extended to people other than him. 

He felt his grip on his gun tighten. (And what of his grip on his sanity?)

“Speak.” Aoi growled – low and deadly and leaving no room for argument.

“I can’t I don–“

Aoi punched the man – hard – and when he fell back against the ground the General straddled his chest, each leg on either side of his torso, putting Uruha directly behind Aoi at this change of angle. When Aoi bent over the man to, yet again, put his knife against his throat, Uruha got an eyeful. The tight leather pants didn’t _exactly_ leave much to the imagination, the way Aoi was bending over the man looking rather…intimate. Uruha shook his head, moving himself away from the view of Aoi’s ass, and to a position with better aim at the Karasu fucker head which is what Uruha was there to do. To protect Aoi – not ogle at him dammit. Not that he was looking in a weird way – it’s just that when there’s ass in your face it’s natural to look, right?

Anyway, Uruha was the epitome of stoic when he made it to his new position. He was fair, and reasonable and his trigger finger didn’t tingle with desire to unload a clip into the bastards head when Aoi dropped to one elbow, close enough to kiss the prisoner and whisper “Tell me what I need to know.” With his butterfly knife pressed dangerously against the man’s jugular. 

He watched a shuddering breath leave the Karasu bitches lips. His eyes were a lot less hard then they had been at the beginning of the ordeal. “I wasn’t ordered to come here. I did it of my own free will – thought I could kill a few of you fuckers and make it back out alive”

“Wrong on both accounts. You don’t make the wisest decisions do you, Tsuzuku?” Aoi let out hum. He leaned back and sat up, no longer as close to the invaders face. Uruha felt himself calm at that, even though the way Aoi was straddling the man still made him feel. Weird? “So tell me, grunt. What’s possessed Karasu to think taking over _my_ territory, interfering with _my_ trades and _my_ business was a good idea? Tell me that?”

Tsuzuku hesitated.

Aoi reached for the man’s face, squeezing his jaw where his cut was. The man let out a loud cry, the rough treatment undoubtedly bringing on near blinding pain. “ _Answer me._ I want to know everything that you know.”

“Our boss wants more territory - wants to expand the business. H-he’s planning on wiping out Goddess, I don’t know the details I’m only a grunt.” Uruha watched Aoi give the man a dissatisfied look as he flipped his hair out of his eyes, looking down at the man through his lashes. He was cool and collected on top of the frenzy beneath him. “H-he, I mean, Our Boss he doesn’t like you. He’s out for revenge – he says one time you-“

Aoi’s face tensed.

Uruha already knew what the General was about to do.

Aoi brought his knife down – conviction in his every action, his grip on the weapon vice like, stiffening his usually elegant movements. The knife touched the man’s neck – for a brief moment soft – and then –

_Bang._

Uruha pulled the trigger.

One shot sliced through the man’s temple.

Aoi jumped back, his eyes snapping to Uruha’s.

Aoi’s breathing was heavy and ragged.

So was Uruha’s.

“Why did you do that?” Aoi asked. He was shocked, that was apparent, but more than anything he was curious. Aoi’s lips twisted into a shaky smile – the adrenaline did that some people, Uruha knew, made them jumpy and out of breath in the aftermath – his eyes searching Uruha’s with an almost amused gleam.

Uruha mimicked Aoi’s shrugs from their hallway conversation. (It was to look cool but really, Uruha didn’t know why he had pulled the trigger and even for someone like him who enjoyed killing, the intensity of the satisfaction of killing the Karasu invader was a little out of place.)

Uruha watched Aoi stand from the body, moving slowly over to Uruha until they were standing face to face ( _it doesn’t mean anything he’s like this with everyone stop being weird about it_ ) and sweep a strand of Uruha’s blonde hair behind his ear. The general ran his fingers through the locks briefly, before he rested his hands on Uruha’s shoulders, their eyes locked together with a burning intensity.

“Thank you Uruha.” Was all the General said before he was twisting away from him, taking only a step back – his eyes focusing in on the metal door of the torture chamber.

There was someone outside of it. Uruha could hear them – they were probably punching in the numbers on the panel right at that very moment.

When the door opened he saw Aoi go rigid, almost appearing to shrink. He became the exact opposite of what he had been moments ago – and the exact opposite of everything that Uruha had known him for. He looked fragile. Almost afraid. Uruha saw him try to hide the discomfort on his face as Aoi edged closer to him and the two men who opened the door stepped inside.

The first man to enter was Lieutenant Tora. His eyes darted from the mess of a scene in front of them. First to the corpse on the floor, to Uruha, then to the General, where his eyes not only lingered but also widened - an obvious look of shock. Was it possible that not even highly ranked Goddess members had seen Aoi all this time?

The second man in the room was a handsome one, shoulder length brown hair framing his face, his eyes sparkling, his dimpled smile smearing across his face as he met eyes with Aoi. It wasn’t a face Uruha had seen often, but it was one he recognized. 

Aoi’s eyes turned downcast, averting the fellow General’s. “Kai...” He all but whispered.

“The boss ordered me here after Tora’s report about the invader reached since interrogation is my specialty, after all...” General Kai surveyed the room, eyes stopping on the body before him. “But it seems you already have it covered.”

“Yeah…” Was all that Aoi replied with.

“Are you going to introduce us?” Kai asked, walking further into the room. He inspected the body, running his eyes over it. He looked into those soulless eyes, and then into Uruha’s.

Meeting face to face with two general’s in one week, Uruha sure was moving up in the world.

“Ok then. Kai this is Uruha.” Aoi swallowed, still seemingly uncomfortable with the situation. It made Uruha uncomfortable too, what with how drastically out of character Aoi was acting. “And Uruha this is Kai, General of the Eastern territory.”

“Nice to meet you.” Kai grinned, shaking Uruha’s hand firmly. The blonde noticed how Aoi glared at the action. Aoi crossed his arms and heaved a sigh.

“Lieutenant” The raven called, trying to stand up straighter and evening out his breathing. “Escort Uruha to the elevator on the 35th floor. After that return here and wait outside until me and the General finish talking.”

Lieutenant Tora nodded and then turned expectantly towards Uruha, who only looked at Aoi, confused.

Aoi’s response was a reassuring smile, intuitive as always, knowing that that was all Uruha needed. The smile said it all. He’d wait by the elevator, and the General would meet him. 

Uruha followed Tora’s lead, not speaking a word to the man along the way. His mind was elsewhere. 

He thought about the first time he fell in love.

He was 9 years old, still very much poor and very much out of luck in life and in general. He remembered the gray sky of that day, the smog of the city hanging above them and clinging tight to their clothes, seeming to turn everything about them to a pale shade of gray – washed out.

Uruha – then only Kouyou – had joined her for scavenging – an activity that occupied most of their waking moments. There was never enough food there (and Uruha would never call ‘there’ home he refused to), and so the children did what they could to get by on their own. 

She was incredibly smart – he remembered her organizing a plan. They had crouched behind a dumpster, her dark eyes locking with his as they talked in hushed tones. “You’ll go in and put on that cute pout of yours Kouyou. Cry and say you lost your mom. Something so they feel bad for you”

Kouyou had nodded, his mind lingering hopelessly on the word ‘cute’.

“And then while they’re distracted I can sneak in that door over there.” She tilted her head, gesturing to a few feet behind her were the bakery’s back room exit was. Through weeks of watching, she had been able to conclude that the backdoor was always unlocked, but also always under surveillance. She cracked a wide smile. “Me, you, and Akira will be eating like Kings for weeks.”

Kouyou had returned her smile. It sounded like a plan.

“So get out there, boy. I can’t wait for my feast!”

Kouyou had nearly run away from her at that point- his stomach growling loudly in his ears. It was usual for him to go days on end without eating.

When he pushed through the bakery doors, the bell chiming in the background, the first thing Kouyou did was walk up to the counter, his legs shaking with each and every step. That part was only half an act – he’d always been weak kneed when it came to their little ‘stunts’, his nerves getting the best for him. It was lucky for him that on that day it would help his performance seem more believable. 

When Kouyou made it up to the front counter he began wailing, the tears streaming hotly down his face. The clerks had flocked to him. “What’s wrong little boy?” “Are you ok?” they all had said, even the customers beginning to take notice of him.

“I lost my mom.” Kouyou had cried, watching the clerk’s eyes well up themselves, sympathy overtaking them. He saw other employees come from behind the door behind the counter – good – he thought, the tears streaming heavier down his face. One of the clerks moved from behind the counter and squatted down in front of him, hugging him tightly and he began to cry harder – performance and reality beginning to blur together. 

When the worker pulled away from him she said “I’m going to call the police. Don't worry it’s going to be alright.”

Kouyou froze.

_The police?_

He turned on his heels and bolted out the door. 

“Wait!” He heard the clerk cry, but Kouyou was already gone, running towards were she had agreed to meet him beforehand, rubbing the remaining tears out of his eyes.

He ran and ran and ran and didn’t stop until he was deep in the alleyway were they usually met. He had been afraid his stunt didn’t last long enough for her to finish the job, but when he made it to the meeting place he grinned.

There she was, two giant bags full of bread in hand, holding them up triumphantly. At least ten whole loaves to split between them.

When Kouyou ran towards her, she met him, her arms encircling him with the force of her embrace. She was four years older than Kouyou and a lot taller but none of that mattered to him. He just loved her.

They broke apart, fits of giggles bubbling out of them.

“Can I eat some?” Kouyou had asked. He knew they were supposed to be bringing them back to share with Akira, but he just couldn’t resist. He was so hungry.

“Sure.” She had said, ruffling Kouyou’s hair, her soft smile gentle and reassuring.

“Will you sit and eat with me?” Kouyou asked, blushing lightly. He wanted it to pretend he was on a date with her - on a picnic rather than scarfing down their stolen meal in a dirty back alley.

“Sure.” She said again and sat against the brick wall behind them. Kouyou did too, taking one of the loaves she handed him, untying it and biting into the bread, his mouth watering at the taste. They sat there for a long moment, silent but comfortable as he ate quickly. Kouyou turned to face her, taking in her delicate features, and he couldn’t help but smile at her. 

To Kouyou she was perfect.

“I like you.” Kouyou said, his eyes warm and full of sincerity.

She didn’t have to say anything. She didn’t have to reply. Her jump, then awkward laughter said it all. She averted Kouyou’s eyes and it was clear.

She didn’t feel the same.

Uruha sighed and drug his hand through his hair. It had been a while since he thought about that – the failure of a first love that set the tone for all his other failures of relationships and he shook his head. Love wasn’t for him. The only thing it brought was pain, and he’d be damned if he let himself go through that again.

He’d rather die.


	5. Some Kind of Sickness

"Here we are." Tora said, breaking Uruha from his daydream. He looked at Uruha curiously, seemingly reluctant to just turn around and leave.

The blonde shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.

"How did you manage to get close to him?"

Uruha smiled. He was only half joking when he replied "Fate."

 

___

 

Aoi tried his hardest to keep his face neutral as he looked up into the eyes of his fellow general’s. It’d been a while since he was forced to face another human (Uruha didn’t count. Uruha was a special case.) And Aoi was finding it a little difficult to remain calm. It was all too much for one day. First he was tasked with interrogating a prisoner, and then this little surprise; Kai, the only living relic from a past he’s spent the last few years furiously avoiding.

Aoi scowled, unable to help himself.

"I haven't seen you in _four years_ and this how you treat your old friend? Glaring at me like you want to kill me?"

Aoi chewed at his bottom lip for a moment, but didn't break eye contact. "We're here for business Kai."

His fellow general laughed lightly, his eyes gleaming with amicable amusement. Like they were still familiar – like there wasn’t years of silence between them. For a moment, it almost felt as though nothing changed. Almost like they were still as they were all those years ago, a group of them, Kai included, confident they were on top of the world. Confident that they had an entire life of prosperity in front of them and that nothing would ever go wrong. Ever. Aoi missed it. He missed all of it – _all of them._ Kai included. But the same part of him that had missed the brunette’s companionship felt an overwhelming need to detach himself from it. "I don't remember you being so serious."

"Well I guess things have changed, Kai."

"Not enough if you've still got yourself locked up in your tower."

Aoi stiffened. His fingers clenched around the hem of his shirt. He knew the brunette meant nothing by it, but it still wasn’t something Aoi wanted brought up. "We're not talking about that."

"Fine." Kai closed his eyes for a moment, taking a breath in. When he opened his eyes again he was smiling gently at Aoi. "What happened here then?" He looked over towards the body, eyes roaming over the bullet hole, then back at Aoi. "I don’t ever recall you tending towards guns."

"I don't. My friend shot him."

"The blonde one?" Kai smiled even wider. Aoi fought the urge to break eye contact. "I was surprised to see you with him. I haven’t ever heard of you taking interest in anyone - well - not since back then, at least.”

"Anyway,” Aoi said, shifting his weight from side to side. “The prisoner didn't tell us much. Suppose there wasn't much for him to know. This whole ordeal was honestly a waste of time." Aoi let out a low hum. "How are things in the eastern territory?"

"Horrible." General Kai’s smile fell. "My men keep disappearing along the edges of my territory. And two entire truck of guns completely disappeared. They seem to be going after weapons, rather than drugs. Our drug drops are seldom interrupted.” Kai crossed his arms, his face hardening even further. “I think they’re planning something big – supplying themselves for their next move. I’ve been in close contact with the Boss about it. We’ve been discussing plans for further action. I’m sure we’ll be receiving a message with the Boss’s word on the matter soon.”

Aoi stared at the floor. This wasn’t good. He didn’t know if he could handle leading the western district through another war, not after all he’d been through during the previous one. But that seemed like the direction they were headed towards. “I hope it won’t be like last time…”

There was a brief silence between the two men. An agreement.

“A lot of people died back then, Aoi.”

Aoi flinched.

_A lot of people died because of me._

Aoi averted Kai’s gaze. He wasn’t the least bit surprised at the brunette’s next words. “You have to talk about it eventually, Aoi…”

The raven swallowed the lump in his throat. He wasn’t ready. Not yet. “You know the way out.” He offered meekly. There was no hostility in his voice, but the point was still there. Kai wasn’t welcomed in the western territory. 

“From all those times you’ve turned me away from talking to you, yes.” Aoi didn’t reply. And he knew Kai wasn’t surprised at that. The man looked at him, their eyes meeting again as Kai smiled softly at him, his entire face seeming to warm along with the gesture. “I’m happy, even if it’s only a little, that you’re making connections with the real world again. Take good care of him – Uruha right?” Aoi offered even more silence. “If you ever want to talk, Aoi, you know where to find me.”

And he was gone.

And Aoi was alone again.

And for the first time in a long time Aoi began to wonder if loneliness was really what he wanted.

___

 

“What’s up with you? Why do you look so pathetic?” Reita asked as he shut his bedroom door behind him, staring down at Uruha who was sitting on the couch staring at a black TV screen. Uruha guessed it was a sympathetic as the man could get.

Uruha put on the best smile he could manage, pushing the events of the past few hours deep within the recesses of his mind. He was trying his damn hardest to stop his brain from sloshing between the two events that happened prior: the story Lieutenant Tora told him before he left, and his brief encounter with Aoi after he met up with him in front of the elevator. If Uruha was honest, he’d say he was quickly spiraling downwards into a bottomless abyss of uncertain emotions and probable insanity. But since he wasn’t he said “Nothing man. I’m fine.”

Reita’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve known you for too long Uruha.” 

Uruha huffed, but otherwise remained silent. He busied himself by twirling his hair around his finger, staring off at the wall. There was this stain on the wall that was kind of shaped like a squirrel. He never noticed that before. He turned his head to the side, noting that now it kind of looked like a dog with a toy in its mouth.

“Whatever man.” Reita gave up with a soft sigh. But Uruha knew the man wasn’t angry at him. Reita was never angry at him. “I’m going out ok? Be back whenever.”

“Where are you going?”

“You know.” Reita gestured vaguely, his hand waving in the air as he slipped out the door. 

Uruha sighed and drug his hand through his hair. _I don’t know. That’s what worries me asshole._

Uruha put his feet up on the couch, draping his head over the arm rest. Now with some peace and quiet Uruha was finally free to stress uninterrupted.

And hell, did he have a lot to stress over. He didn’t even know where to start.

The blonde sighed. His head was turning to some gross, swampy Aoi filled mush and he wasn’t sure he liked it. Uruha thought about when he was back in front of the elevator doors before the Lieutenant left. He had regarded Uruha with an understandable amount of curiosity. He asked him “Do you want to hear about the first time I met the General?”

Uruha had practically burned to say yes. And he did. But the Lieutenant’s answer was rather…well, surprising.

“I was there. The night before he vanished. At the time I was a Karasu grunt.” The Lieutenant had begun, already shocking Uruha and hardly even into his story. “He looked like a wild man. I was in a gang, death was familiar to me and so was blood lust. But even so, something about him was off. He fought with passion – sheer burning passion that almost made murder look beautiful.” Uruha knew that sentiment. “But he fought with a reckless abandon. As though he didn’t care what happened to him. I watched him take down dozens of men, one by one, each and every one of them falling to the ground before him. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He was incredible – graceful almost. Like an acrobat, avoiding ever blow and every lunge towards him. All of it. And what he couldn’t avoid he took and recovered from quickly. He was covered in blood by time he got to me. His own blood, or his victims, it was hard to tell. Both probably. Karasu, like Goddess, had run a pretty successful weapons trade back then. No one was expecting him to storm our holding building. Especially not singlehandedly. We had been completely unprepared for the massacre – and it was a massacre. I’ve never seen so much bloodshed inflicted by a single man in my life. I was one of the last standing, but when his knife ripped through me I hit the ground harder than anything. I just laid there motionless, dead bodies all around me. Somehow I didn’t die. Even though I thought I would. And although I was on the verge of losing consciousness, I was still awake for the last few moments of his attack. Once everything in the room was red and silent, I saw him pick up a gun from one of the bodies and raise it to his own head. If I wasn’t so out of it I’d have probably been shocked. To imagine the man who had defeated all of us like it was easier than anything, standing in the center of a mess of carnage he had created just to do to himself what we couldn’t do to him was incredible. He was going to kill himself. It was almost laughable at the time. I just watched, intrigued and unable to do anything really as he prepared to end his own life. Despite the passion he had shown us while taking us down, he seemed rather calm about ending his own life. I don’t remember any theatrics, but then again at that point I was flittering out of consciousness. The last thing I remember was someone lunging for him out of nowhere. I had thought all of us were dead. I suppose he had thought the same thing. I saw him turn around, panicked probably. And then everything went black.”

Uruha hadn’t said anything to Tora for probably a full minute. It was a hard story to swallow, even as Uruha lay on the couch he still couldn’t exactly wrap his head around it. What that one driver had told Uruha before had been true. The General really had taken out an entire ward of Karasu alone (which meant he was probably correct in that Aoi had previously killed his own men), but what baffled Uruha the most was the end of the Lieutenant’s story. Aoi had tried to kill himself.

Uruha remembered Tora going on. “After I recovered I disengaged myself from all things Karasu. I wasn’t a big name there by any means, and so I was able to get into Goddess without any suspicion. The General had looked amazing to me that night. I wanted the power that he had, and I wanted to serve a man who was actually brave, unlike those I’ve worked for in the past. It’s been four years since I’ve joined Goddess.” Uruha’s eyes widened. He knew the General had been locked away for a long time, but damn. Four entire years completely isolated? “And even after all this time, today was the first time I’ve seen him. It’s incredible what you’ve been able to do, Uruha.” And with that the Lieutenant turned around. Uruha had watched him go, completely at a loss. He didn’t know what to think. Or how to feel. Or anything at all.

Wasn’t he supposed to be happy to be praised for breaking into Aoi’s heart? Isn’t that how that fantasy went?

Instead, Uruha was just shaken. And he hadn’t even been close to collecting himself by the time he saw Aoi begin to make his way down the hallway, his strides were confident as usual, his characteristically gentle smile present on his face – but something was off. _Forced_ was the word that came to Uruha in hindsight.

Aoi walked up to Uruha and kept getting closer and closer until – 

His hand were wrapped around Uruha’s waist. 

Aoi hugged him, his embrace tight and warm as he nuzzled up into Uruha’s neck. 

Uruha had frozen. He felt all the air leave his lungs and he wondered how he was even still alive. He didn’t say anything, and he made no move to push Aoi away. Or pull him closer. He just let the General stand there, his face nuzzled into Uruha’s neck for a moment. Although Uruha’s brain had been blank in the moment, at that point his mind was loud with questions. Most of them went like this: _Why did he do that? Why did he do that? Why did he do that? Why did he do that?_

“I’m sorry.” Aoi had whispered against his neck. Uruha could feel his lips moving against his skin as he spoke. He had tried not to pay attention to them. “I wanted to stay here and talk with you more, but I think I’ll go back home now. Sorry for making you wait for me.” It was at that point that Aoi pulled back, but not very far. He had still been standing incredibly close. “Come back here tomorrow ok? I’ve been doing some thinking and there’s something I think I want to ask you.” Aoi had hummed. “I just don’t want to get into it today.” And Aoi, as quickly as he came, had gone. Leaving Uruha alone like he usually did.

Uruha flipped over on the couch. It was all so much to think about. In one day he had watched Aoi display an incredible feat of strength while interrogating the Karasu bitch, and alternately heard a tale of him reaching incredible depths of weakness. It made Uruha all the more interested in all that Aoi was, but more than anything, and to the dismay of the blonde, it made Uruha want to be there to witness Aoi in all of his strongest moments. And hold him in all of his not so strong ones.

Uruha tried not to imagine Aoi being comfortable enough with him to divulge all of his secrets, teary eyed and looking g to Uruha for comfort. Uruha tried not to imagine Aoi wrapped in his arms. He tried not to imagine holding the man gently against his chest as they laid with each other. He tried not to imagine Aoi nuzzling into him. He tried not to recall the feeling of Aoi’s lips pressed against his neck and he tried even harder not to imagine how they’d feel moving against his own.

Uruha tried his hardest to shake the feeling, but he couldn’t. Aoi’s name was clinging to his lungs like some kind of sickness, making it hard to breathe, let alone think clearly.

He didn’t know how he would handle seeing Aoi the next day – and the thought of whatever it was that Aoi was going to ask him stressed him out even further. Uruha screwed his eyes shut and pulled his knees up to his chest. He needed to stop thinking of the man and just sleep so deeply that nothing mattered anymore. Yeah. That sounded good. But the second his eyelids closed, thoughts of Aoi living for him and only him dispersed. Those thoughts were replaced by _‘No one will ever love you’_ s and _‘No one will ever love you’_ s and _‘No one will ever love you’_ s that blasted in Uruha’s head louder than the sound of his own heartbeat.

It was not, Uruha decided, the best sleep he’d ever gotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was fun writing a little snippet from Aoi's perspective honestly lol. It's good to get out of Uruha's head every once in a while, don't you think?  
> I feel like this fic is 90% Uruha screaming in his head lol


	6. The Proposal

When Uruha woke up Reita wasn’t there. And that pissed him off because Reita was supposed to be there to listen to Uruha whine and complain and not exactly tell him what was wrong, but let him take his frustrations out on him anyway. But most of all, if Reita wasn’t there for him, then who the hell would be?

The blonde had spent the whole morning pacing about their small apartment. He walked to Reita’s room, opened the door, shut the door. He walked in the kitchen, went to the counter, from the counter and back. He walked around the living room, turned the TV on, turned it off, sat down, stood up, walked to one end, and then to the other.

He had a lot on his mind, and the pacing helped him think in the straight lines his body wasn’t moving in.

If he was honest, he’d say he didn’t know how to handle everything.

He was supposed to meet Aoi that day to hear whatever the General wanted to ask of him, and in his mind Uruha couldn’t help but go from one wild scenario to the next. Most of them had horrible outcomes of course. The one’s that didn’t have horrible outcomes, however, were the most concerning ones. Because they had too-good outcomes. Outcomes like Uruha and the General doing things that people that were more-than-just-friends did which made Uruha’s stomach do little flips. He felt sicker than the time he (when he was still merely Kouyou), Reita (when he was still merely Akira), and _her_ (when she was still in their lives) had foraged in a dumpster behind a sushi bar and spent the entire week throwing up. Uruha’s nose crinkled at the memory. No. That had not been one of their better ideas.

Uruha kept up the rhythm of pacing from room to room for hours, no attempt to distract himself serving to pacify the anxiety berating his chest. Before he knew it, it was late at night. And no matter what he tried he couldn’t bring himself to leave the apartment.

He knew it was cowardly, but he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t face the General, and so he decided not to. He laid back down on the couch, screwed his eyes shut as tight as possible, and prayed for the comfort of sleep to take over soon.

 

___

 

When Uruha woke up the next morning, Reita wasn’t there. Again.

This time, Uruha was angry. 

“Fuck Reita.” He kicked over a chair. “Fuck Aoi.” He knocked over lamp. “Fuck all this shit!” He hunched over, clutching his head in his hands as he jammed his eyes shut. He couldn’t handle this. He couldn’t fucking do it. He was tired of everything and worst of all he was being a big fucking coward about shit he shouldn’t have been afraid to face in the first goddamn place.

To make it all worse, Aoi was practically mocking him. Not one single assignment that day. Not even one. He had no means to distract himself, no blood to spill to satiate his unstable moods, and it was hell for him. He had even gotten to the point of desperation where he could say that he actually missed Reita’s company, wanting strongly for a familiar friend to dump his problems onto. 

It felt disgusting.

If there was nowhere for Uruha to be, that should have meant that there was nowhere for Reita to be, as all their missions were shared. Uruha couldn’t help but be tormented by thoughts of where the hell his friend kept running off to.

It didn’t make any sense. Nothing in Uruha’s life made any sense, and so he did the only thing he knew how. He tried not to think about it, and flung himself on the couch to sleep, despite it being the afternoon. 

He thought he’d sleep the entire night away. And he almost did, until Reita shook him awake, his eyes gazing down at Uruha’s groggy figure which was curled up on the sofa. Uruha glanced around his friend’s body at the clock. _2 am_ “Hey are you sick?” Reita asked, feeling at Uruha’s forehead.

Uruha groaned and peeled his friend’s hand from him. “No.” He answered meekly, his voice rough from sleep, earning a frown from his friend.

Reita knelt before the couch, making himself eye level with Uruha. He had an expression that looked a little like he was going to piss himself, Uruha noted. It was a familiar look. The same one Reita always wore when he was sober and trying to talk about something serious.

“You don’t have to lie to me, Uruha.” Reita said, fumbling with the ends of his hair. The blonde had a feeling Reita wasn’t only talking about the prospect of him having a cold.

“I’m not. I’m not sick at all. Just tired.”

“It’s just a little strange, man. Building tensions between gangs, tightened security, and rising death tolls but you haven’t gotten a single assignment in the past four days.” 

Uruha swallowed. He knew Reita was looking for an explanation. He knew that if Reita hadn’t found him out completely, he at least knew there was something he was hiding from his friend. Uruha tried not to feel too guilty. “That is strange...”

The two blondes shared a moment of silence. Uruha found, in that moment, that his childhood friend was completely unreadable (which was rare after all the time they had spent together) and it was suffocating to him, all the possible reactions Reita could have making the air around him heavy. He couldn’t tell if Reita was going to yell at him, attempt to comfort him – dig deeper for answers, or just brush the situation off with a joke. Uruha had never misread a non-verbal cue from his childhood friend, he never had to question anything he did or said for they understood each other perfectly, and he had never waited nervously for the words that his friend would say. 

“Stay safe, Uruha.” Three simple words. And then before Uruha knew it, he was watching his childhood friend – his partner in crime – rise from before him and walk away from him and out the door. Those three words had been more than what they seemed. Uruha wasn’t mistaken in that, he knew. They were both a confirmation and a botched attempt at an agreement. Reita was aware that Uruha was hiding something from him, but he wouldn’t pry. The same way Uruha now knew Reita was keeping a side of himself from his long term friend and he expected the same privacy in return.

Uruha felt his stomach twist painfully. He had never, until that moment, felt distant from his childhood friend. For the first time, Uruha felt worlds apart from the blonde.

And it made just one more item on the list of things Uruha wasn’t sure he could handle.

 

___

 

Uruha had never slept more in his life than he had in the past two days since Reita walked out of their apartment out into god-knows-where. He didn’t want to deal with the world, or with Aoi or with Reita or with Aoi or with Aoi or with Aoi. And so he shut the thoughts out as best he could, and the most effective method so far was to slip out of consciousness. Uruha would have been content to spend the rest of his day like that, laying back into the couch trying to be as close to dead as possibly without actually being dead, but unfortunately he was tugged away from that possibility by a fist pounding against his door.

Honestly, it startled him. He scrambled from the couch and padded his way over to the door, the entire way wondering who it could possibly be. It wasn’t like Uruha had any friends after all. For a brief second, a wave of panic rushed over him. What with Reita’s disappearances to possibly anywhere (and so to possibly somewhere dangerous) it could have been one of the hospital guys, banging on his door to inform him of the death of his friend. Maybe Reita was hopelessly mangled. Maybe he was in a coma.

_Good._ Uruha thought after that moment. _The bastard deserves it for keeping secrets from me._

When Uruha wrapped his hand around the cold metal of the door knob and pulled, he was not ready for the sight that lie beyond the door.

There in front of him was Aoi, the recluse who had refused to leave his home for years, the man that made his heart feel like it was going to explode every time he looked at him, the man he had been avoiding for days.

“Can I come in?” Aoi asked, standing up on his toes and leaning his head to the side to peak over Uruha’s shoulder and into his apartment, his glasses covered eyes hiding the look of pure hatred Uruha imagined was burning behind them. (How could he not hate Uruha after all? He hadn’t come back to talk to him like the General had asked.) 

Aoi looked a little. Out of place. He had never seen the man so…covered up? He was wearing a beanie, dark sunglasses, and had a long and oversized, fully sleeved cardigan that he had wrapped around his figure, his fists balled tightly around the material.

“You look like you’re going fucking skiing.” 

The General shot an incredulous look at Uruha, before he was pushing past the blond, barging his way into the man’s home.

“So this is where you live?” Aoi asked. He sounded genuinely intrigued, not at all mocking, but Uruha still felt a wave of insecurity wash through him as Aoi took his glasses off to scrutinize the squirrel-like stain on the living room wall. He imagined Aoi wasn’t accustomed to a beer-cans-on-the-floor, stains-on-the-carpet kind of life.

Aoi, in typical Aoi fashion, picked up Uruha’s remote, plopped down on Uruha’s couch and flipped his TV on. Just like he fucking owned the place.

“You’re a shitty house guest.” Uruha managed, his chest tight at the mere sight of Aoi. He didn’t dare move close to the man, let alone sit on the couch with him. Not even when Aoi turned to him and patted the seat next to him.

They just looked at each other, Uruha standing in the foyer, and Aoi sitting in his living room. Uruha didn’t know how long their little staring contest went on, only that it was Aoi that gave in with a sigh, turning to seemingly watch what was on the TV.

He also didn’t know how long he ended up standing there, ten minutes, perhaps twenty, before Aoi grew tired of the TV and flipped it back off again.

“I was hoping this would be easy.” Aoi mumbled, turning to the blond once more. Uruha swallowed thickly, his hands fumbling to sweep his hair out of his face. “Come and sit down.” Aoi said sweetly – so sweetly that Uruha wanted to rip his own ears clean off his head.

He obliged nonetheless. He supposed he couldn’t avoid what was right in front of him. He sat down on the couch next to Aoi, but kept his eyes facing forward, staring intently at the dark screen. There was a fly on it, Uruha noted idly. He wondered if the fly ever had to deal with pesky superiors barging their way into his heart first, and then his house to drag him into more insanity than he was fit to deal with.

“Look at me.”

Uruha found himself unable to disobey.

Aoi frowned at him. “Why have you been avoiding me?” The dark-haired man’s eyes gazed into Uruha’s, who fought the urge to flinch and turn away. Seriously, every gaze Aoi offered was so damn intense and powerful and _maddening_ , and honestly Uruha wanted to fucking kick Aoi’s ass. How dare Aoi throw him such gentle, yet intense, gazes and make him feel like an asshole for avoiding him. Uruha squirmed under Aoi’s stare.

For once, Aoi seemed uncomfortable in the silence between them. He reached a hand out towards Uruha’s thigh – probably seeking some kind of physical reassurance, Uruha decided. The touch, however, startled him and the blonde jumped away. The raven cast his wide eyes up at the blonde’s. “Do I scare you, Uruha?”

_Yes._

“What do you mean?”

“I mean do I scare you?” Aoi paused for a brief moment to look Uruha up and down. It was obvious that Aoi didn’t have to ask the question. He already knew. What he was really asking for was an explanation, and when Uruha didn’t give him one the General didn’t seem all too surprised, but the crease in his brow let Uruha know how he felt about the matter. “You’ve always been somewhat uncomfortable around me. I don’t mind it, but when it interferes with being able to see and speak to you it gets frustrating.”

“You’re always saying such weird things.” Uruha retorted without thinking, an edge to his voice. “I don’t get what you want from me. I don’t get why you’re here. And I don’t get why any of this even matters to you.”

Uruha had never seen Aoi look taken back before. It was almost like he had never thought of the answers to any of the things Uruha was saying. It felt strange as Aoi seemed to know every answer to everything.

“I just know I like talking to you, Uruha. And I like being around you, and I want more of it.” Uruha wondered if ‘embarrassment’ was a word in Aoi’s vocabulary. He’d never met such a blunt guy in his life. He’d never met such an _irritating_ guy in his life. If it wasn’t enough that Aoi’s words were disgustingly honest, they had also been so soft in comparison to Uruha’s own. He almost felt bad. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about Uruha. But then you never came.” Aoi paused to sigh. “I waited for hours. At first I stayed close to my security panel, checking if any movement had been captured close to the elevator. Then I actually went and sat and waited for you like I did the second time we met but you never came.” Uruha felt something in his heart tug as he watched something akin to a pout form on Aoi’s lips. “I waited for days. I thought maybe I’d never see you again.”

“Again. Always saying weird things.”

“Isn’t it best to be honest with your feeling, Uruha?”

Uruha’s stomach did a particularly huge summersault.

Aoi leaned in again, another attempt at physical contact with Uruha, and placed his hand on Uruha’s shoulder, this time not being pushed away. He looked seriously into the blonde’s eyes, and Uruha gulped in response knowing that soon the question he’d been dreading would fall from Aoi’s lips. “I want you to be my bodyguard Uruha.”

The blonde’s jaw dropped.

“Huh?”

Aoi let out a hearty laugh at Uruha’s stupid expression, his hand dropping to rest on Uruha’s thigh, covering his own hand. If Uruha was honest, he’d say he was happy to see Aoi’s laughing face again after seeing him so tense only moments ago, and after not seeing him at all for so long. “I was expecting you to ask why, but honestly that was the best thing you could have said.” Aoi wiped a tear from his eye. “And the best expression you could’ve made.”

“Don’t fucking make fun of me.”

“Or what?” Aoi smiled slyly, leaning in closer. “You gonna punish me, Uruha?”

Uruha prayed his embarrassment didn’t betray him in the form of blushing cheeks. “You’re lucky I haven’t thrown you out my goddamn apartment yet.”

“Am I?” Aoi asked, chuckling softly. “I’m still waiting for your answer, though. Do you want to be my bodyguard?”

“Don’t you already know?”

Aoi thought for a second. “Yeah.” He hummed. “But I like to hear things out loud sometimes. It’s reassuring.”

“Well, if you want to humiliate me I suppose I have no choice. That sounds ok, Aoi.”

“Good” Aoi beamed. “I was so nervous to ask you! I don’t know what I’d have done if you said no.”

“You’d have been ok, dumbass.”

“Maybe.” Aoi chuckled. “But only maybe.” He squeezed Uruha’s hand, his eyes turned downcast. “I really like being around you Uruha. I really, really do.” He said, suddenly serious. The shifting tides of Aoi’s moods proved to be as unpredictable as always. “I was thinking. Maybe you’d like to live in the upper floors?”

Uruha nearly felt his soul leave his body.

This was it.

His promotion.

This was it.

He almost said yes, he almost jumped at the opportunity to leave the shithole of an apartment and of a life that he had behind him, he almost threw it all away but then he thought: Reita. He couldn’t abandon his childhood friend without even so much as an explanation, and he couldn’t give up what they had worked for _together_ for the offer in front of him, as sweet as the deal sounded. Uruha and Reita clawed themselves from the bottom together. Even though the man was frustrating, he couldn’t leave him behind so easily.

Uruha shook his head no, not missing the look of something Uruha would have described as hurt flash through Aoi’s eyes (but he had to have been wrong because why would Aoi be hurt?) “I can’t. It wouldn’t be right. Reita’s taken care of me through so much, I just can’t selfishly leave him in this shithole by himself."

“Reita?” Aoi asked.

“Yeah my roommate.” Uruha supplied. “He’s kind of a close friend of mine.”

Aoi looked at Uruha for a long moment. “Oh…?” he asked, still looking at Uruha as if there was still something left unanswered.

“What’s wrong?”

Aoi shook his head. “Probably nothing. I’ve just never heard of you having a roommate.” Aoi shook his head again. “But it’s nothing. Just don’t disappear on me again.”

Uruha knew that he couldn’t bear to ignore Aoi again. Sitting in front of the man, nothing was clearer than that fact and it pissed Uruha off.

“Ah, but Uruha. Instead of having regular missions from now on, you’ll be spending your days with me. I hope that part of the arrangement is fine. You can come back here at night though of course. Or go wherever you want. ”

“Whatever.” Uruha replied, genuinely thrilled at the idea. This was the moment he had been waiting for. He’d been recognized as someone elite, and now there he was. Exactly where he’d imagined himself days ago. 

Uruha watched the General get up from the sofa, eyeing the room he was in, no doubt scrutinizing Uruha and Reita’s apartment even further. He wandered forward a bit, heading towards Uruha’s door. 

“I haven’t been in one of these apartments in so long.” Aoi said, his hand reaching for the knob. 

“The fuck are you being so damn nosey for?” Uruha asked, jumping from the couch and rushing over to where the General stood. He yanked Aoi’s hand from the doorknob, but he didn’t let go of it.

Aoi quirked an eyebrow at the blond, tugging his hand from Uruha’s grasp. “How are you going to stop me?”

“Fuck you, Aoi.”

“You could if you wanted.”

“I’m really tired of you, you know.”

“No you’re not. You’re not tired of me at all.” Ah, Uruha could not say he missed that smirk of Aoi’s. “And besides, you can’t be tired of me already. We’re only just getting started.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell yeah we're just getting started!
> 
> I'm so excited for the coming chapters, man. I feel like this has had a slow start, but our two boys' relationship will finally start to bloom even more!
> 
> I'll also be able to write more about Reita soon which is exciting yay~ 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed <3


	7. Fuck It

Early the next morning, Uruha met Aoi promptly in front of the elevator doors where they had shared so many moments since their first meeting. Aoi greeted him with a smile. Uruha regarded him back with a suppressed-anxiety-eyes-burning-from-lack-of-sleep coated smile of his own.

“Happy to see you here.” Aoi said, his fingers dancing along the hem of his black t-shirt. Uruha wondered if black was the only color present in the General’s wardrobe. 

_Although the color suits him so nicely._ Shit. Uruha banished the thought.

“Worried I wouldn’t show?” The blonde asked.

“I had no reason to be. I trust you.”

“Yeah, what the fuck ever.”

“So eloquent this morning.” Aoi laughed and then cleared his throat. “Well, no need to wait. You have a day of hard work ahead of you! I hope you’re prepared.”

“Yeah I’m sure you’ll _torture_ me Aoi.” Uruha said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

The General winked. “I just might if you keep that attitude up…But you’d love that wouldn’t you?”

Uruha only rolled his eyes in response. It was getting easier to handle Aoi’s teasing, something he was sure he would become even more accustomed to what with their latest development. He’d even go as far as to say that there was possibly (and this was a _huge_ maybe) a part of him that actually enjoyed Aoi’s teasing.

“I’ll tell you a secret Uruha.” Aoi began, moving behind Uruha and facing the elevator. He eyed up the security panel. “You can reach my penthouse by entering my security code and then, of course, you’ll be there. Well, at the floor below mine at least. And all you have to do from there is walk up the stairs to my door, enter a separate passcode and unlock the door with my key.”

“Sounds like a hassle.”

Aoi shrugged. “I’m worth it.” He grabbed Uruha’s hand, covering it in his own and guided it towards the panel. “Here, I’ll show you.” He said, standing behind Uruha with his hand wrapped around to hold the blonde’s. He used Uruha’s fingers to press the buttons on the panel, guiding him through the sequence rather than simply telling him. He pressed seven numbers in total as Uruha watched on, struggling to memorize each one. “Got that?” Aoi asked as the elevator doors slid open.

“…I think so.”

Aoi chuckled in response, pushing Uruha into the elevator. “There’s no designated lift to go to my floor, by the way. You can use any of them. The ones in the lobby, the ones for ranked Goddess members, it doesn’t matter. So long as you remember that sequence it will work.”

Uruha nodded, only slightly overloaded with information at the moment. He was a little nervous, and even more so when Aoi let his eyes roam over him the way he always did so liberally. He had half the heart to ask what was on Aoi’s mind, but he knew the General would probably just say something frustrating. (If he was honest he’d say he was just too nervous to ask.)

When the elevator doors opened, the general gestured for him to exit first which Uruha did, and when he did his mouth hung open.

“What the hell is this place?” Uruha asked, to which Aoi responded with a laugh, following Uruha out of the elevator as he gawked about.

The room they walked in on resembled a hotel lobby, more than anything. There was a fountain in the center of the room, a wall behind it where a huge painting of the Goddess hung on a red accent wall. The room was supported by two large columns one on each side of the red accent wall for, striking up imagery of Roman palaces in long abandoned civilizations. The huge room turned into two hallways at either end of it and when Uruha turned and looked towards the one end of the room, he found the wall hung an intricate full length mirror where a rather expensive looking marble statue stood in front of it, almost beckoning you closer and guiding you towards the curve of the hall. Uruha thought of the cracked drywall in the complexes lobby and wondered if he was even in the same building. “A fancy hallway.” Aoi answered to Uruha’s previous question. 

The blonde stared at the shorter man. “No shit.”

Aoi laughed again, something he seemed to be doing a lot of recently, before he cleared his throat. “Hmmm, so what the hell is this place? Well, for starters, the whole floor is empty. It’s where I’d hold meetings and things if I did that. Down that way” Aoi pointed to the corner where the statue was. “If you round that corner that’s what’s there. A huge meeting room. I have no use for it now, though.” Aoi sighed. “There’s not really much else here. There are a few empty rooms, a washroom or two, but not much else. Oh, well there is a gym. I go there in my spare time.” Aoi shrugged. So that’s how he stayed fit despite not leaving this area. He turned and pointed to the other direction, similarly decorated to the other one. “Around that corner is a set of stairs that leads to my penthouse.” He offered the blonde a warm smile. “That’s where we’ll be headed now.” And Aoi set off walking in that direction, noticing Uruha was still standing dumbfounded. “I mean, unless you want to stand here and stare at the pretty chandeliers.”

Uruha glared at Aoi. “Fuck you.” But he followed behind the man anyway. 

When they finished rounding the bend and walking up the staircase, Aoi turned to Uruha as he fished a key out of his pocket. He gestured to the door and then stepped aside for Uruha who got the hint and walked up to it. There was a familiar security panel beside the door, and Uruha pressed the keys on it slowly, straining to memorize the new sequence as Aoi spoke it to him. After a hesitant moment, a light above it flashed green, and then Aoi practically plastered himself to Uruha’s back as he unlocked the door and twisted the handle. (Uruha tried to not to think anything of it.)

Uruha crossed the threshold. 

He didn’t know if he was surprised, but he sure as hell wasn’t disappointed. It was beautiful. Everything reeked of wealth, even the entryway. He toed off his shoes and pressed further into the penthouse. Diverging from the foyer he stumbled into a living room; high ceilings, black stained hardwood floors, a fireplace, it all. From there he could look out onto the rest of the penthouse, the open concept giving him view of nearly the entire place, and he wandered, almost hypnotized, into the house.

“This is fucking incredible.” Uruha said, running his fingertips along the edge of an expensive looking leather loveseat. It looked brand new. Everything looked brand new. It was a slap in the face to Uruha’s lifestyle of hand-me-downs and we-found-it-on-the-side-of-the-road-so-it’s-ours -nows. He turned to face a shrugging General. 

“I suppose it’s pretty nice.”

Uruha scoffed. “Pretty nice? Tell that to kid me who grew up in the slums eating bad sushi out of dumpsters.”

“You have a point.”

“I know.” Uruha said, wandering in even further. He found himself gazing at the granite countertops in Aoi’s chef kitchen. “Do you even cook?”

“Not much.” He shrugged. “I make a pretty decent omelet though.” Aoi walked over to where Uruha was staring and slid himself into one of the island barstools, crossing his legs. “I’m glad it’s impressive at least.” Aoi smiled. “I wouldn’t know what to do if the first person to see my penthouse in so long hated it.”

“I don’t think it’s possible to hate it.” Uruha sat down next to the General in an adjacent bar stool. He was straining to imagine a world in which living in a place with fucking floor to ceiling windows, functioning dining tables and spiral staircases wasn’t impressive enough to leave him goddamn speechless. 

“Ah, I suppose it’s rather nice by comparison. I mean, not every General lives like I do.” Aoi tilted his head to gaze up at Uruha. He almost reminded Uruha of a kitten and fuck when did Uruha start thinking weird shit like that? “Like Kai. General Kai’s place is way out in the country.” He chuckled. “I mean it’s a cute little suburb. A very deceiving one, if anything.” Aoi hummed. “Really it suits him. His ‘mansion’ is a cozy little cottage with a shelf full of guns and swords and torture devices beyond your wildest imagination tucked away nice and safe in the basement.” Aoi laughed again, swirling a strand of hair behind his ear. “You could never tell by looking at him.”

“Looks can be deceiving after all.” Uruha muttered, not really intent on saying too much. It was rare that Aoi talked so much and so…directly – without any of that weird shit he usually said that threw Uruha off. He didn’t want to interrupt it.

“I’m sure you’ll see it one day.” Aoi paused for a moment, running his tongue over his bottom lip. He perked up suddenly. “I can send you places as my ambassador!” 

Uruha chuckled. “I’d be ok with that.”

“Yeah! And you can go see it for yourself. I’m actually a little jealous that Kai ended up as the general of that district. It’s actually rather nice there. ”

“I know.” Uruha answered. “It almost seems like a normal town, until you get under the surface.”

Aoi raised a brow at him. “You know?”

The blonde shrugged. “Well. We moved around a lot when we were younger. Reita and I spent a lot of time growing up closer towards the Eastern District. And we’ve been out here – in the city – for a long time too. Really, the two of us have roamed back and forth for years. Before Goddess of course. Now we’re pretty firmly rooted.”

“Hmm. You and Reita…?”

“My roommate. I thought I told you about him before. Shit, I’d expect someone General level to do better than this.”

“I’m the one who’s supposed to tease you, not the other way around.”

“Can’t fucking take it, huh?”

“Oh, I can take it.”

“…”

“Don’t like it when the tables turn, do you?”

“Can you even say that when they’re always turned in your own damn favor?”

Uruha sighed, watching the raven stand up from the stool. He watched him shake his head, a small smile playing at his lips as he tossed a glance at Uruha. “I have a balcony.” He said suddenly.

“Huh?”

“A balcony.” He walked to where Uruha was sitting and placed both palms behind the blonde on the counter, standing between his thighs, essentially trapping him. “When we first met, weren’t you enjoying the view? Gazing out the window, stars in your eyes, daydreaming in that way you always do.” Uruha’s lip twitched into a small frown. He didn’t know Aoi – or anyone other than Reita (who teased him fucking relentlessly over the fact) – knew that he was a chronic airhead. “I thought maybe you’d like to see the balcony. The city looks incredible from up here.” Aoi smiled gently down at him. “Let me show you. Come on.”

Before Uruha had time to protest (not that he would) Aoi was walking ahead of him and Uruha followed diligently behind, being led through Aoi’s home. The man directed him up across the kitchen, through a sitting area and up spiral staircase. They walked down a hallway and Uruha noticed there weren’t any pictures hanging or any of that other nostalgic bullshit people usually had in their homes. He supposed that even high level gang members didn’t have things like families. “This is my office.” He said as they crossed the threshold into one of the rooms. “We’ll spend a lot of time here.” He said, moving over towards the glass sliding doors on the opposite end of it. Uruha didn’t have much time to take in the surroundings, but what he did pick up on nearly sent his brain into a frenzy.

In the room there was a giant desk equipped with two monitors. Beside them there was a glass tablet attached to the desk by a metal arm, scenes from various areas of the complex playing on the tablet. He assumed it was the security panel the General had mentioned to him that one time. Opposite the desk was a chase lounge, beneath it lying an impeccably soft throw rug that filled most of the office. It was so soft under Uruha’s feet, in fact, that he was staring at it so hard he just about-

“If you wanted to hug me so bad you could just say so.” 

\- Smacked into Aoi’s back as he slid open the glass sliding doors. 

“Asshole.” Uruha mumbled, following Aoi onto the balcony, the cool air of the morning caressing his body. It felt good on Uruha’s skin, crisp but not overbearingly so. 

“Go ahead. Look.” Aoi gestured over to the edge of the railing. Uruha did as he was told, leaning over the balcony to look over the edge. It all looked so small; he felt like he was the king of the city, looking down on his loyal subjects from above. Uruha felt a surge of power race through him. “Don’t get too caught up in the daydream there.” Aoi chided. “Don’t forget I’m here.”

“How the hell could I when you’re always bullying me?”

“Don’t act like you don’t like it.” Aoi poked the blonde’s side, joining the blonde in leaning over the railing. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, tilting the pack to Uruha for him to grab one, which he did. After he had the cancer stick perched between his lips, Aoi lit Uruha’s cigarette first and then his own.

“Sometimes after work I come and stand out here and have a smoke and just…forget everything” Aoi said after he took a drag of his cigarette, letting the toxic smoke fill his lungs and no doubt calm the anxieties Uruha was sure were there behind his smug, know-everything, in-control-of-everything exterior. He wondered if Aoi would ever let him beyond those walls of his – discover the secrets of the Aoi that Lieutenant Tora had described, the one who had ultimately held a gun to his own head.

“What is it that the General of Goddess needs to forget?” Uruha asked, turning backwards and leaning against the railing, his elbows resting on the rail. He turned his head to look at Aoi, and idly registered that it was usually Aoi that initiated these intense staring battles, rather than him.

He watched Aoi’s chest swell with the weight of the sigh he proceeded to let out. “We all have things we want to forget.” He took another drag of his cigarette before he exhaled the smoke, gray clouds swirling from his lips in pretty plumes. Uruha watched along with Aoi as the smoke curled around them. “Things we don’t want to talk about.” He shot Uruha a look; a _‘You understand, don’t you?’_

Uruha smiled wryly, nodding in response. He supposed he did have a few things he’d be happier forgetting - to never talk about again. “But fuck, it’s hard, isn’t it?” Uruha broke eye contact from the raven. “Right when you think you’ve put it behind you, the voices of the past start singing in your head again.” Uruha sighed and drug his hand through his hair. “And it’s like, everywhere you turn there’s a reminder of a memory.” Uruha sighed and drug his hand through his hair.

“You do that a lot.”

“…Huh?”

“This.” Aoi sighed and drug his hand through his hair. “I hear you can go bald from messing with your hair too much.”

“I was trying to be serious with you dammit!”

“Why?”

Uruha frowned, stubbing out his cigarette on the railing before flicking it over the edge. “What do you mean why? I don’t fucking know.” Uruha’s frown deepened. “People generally try to make connections with other people, isn’t that normal?”

“I’m not used to it so it’s hard to understand.”

“Well, why do you need to understand it? Why don’t you just take it at face value?”

Aoi looked down at the city, keeping his voice even as he spoke. “Because you’re trying to get close to me and I doubt I can be what you need. You’ll end up disappointed is all. I’m just letting you know.” He blew a puff of smoke out of his mouth before he discarded his cigarette as well. He turned around backwards the way Uruha was and smiled up at the man – almost like he expected the blonde to believe it.

“That’s for me to decide, idiot.” Uruha sighed and…put his hand back down by his side.

___

 

“You know, this is surprisingly lame.” Uruha said from the chase lounge he was laying on, bowl of ice cream in hand as he stared at Aoi’s back. It was his second week as his official body guard, and he hadn’t seen even an ounce of action. Every day had gone about the same, Uruha would wake up to a missing Reita, go to the General’s floor, let himself in to Aoi’s apartment with the key the man had gifted him with and proceed to laze around his house while Aoi sat in front of his computer screen, reviewing reports from gang members and messaging back and forth with Goddess officers. “I haven’t so much as fired my gun in nearly a month.”

“Poor baby.” Aoi retorted from his chair as he swept his dark locks up into a ponytail – a look he sported often when he was working. “Would you rather be one of these guys?” He pointed to the one monitor and then began to read. “Five Karasu members surrounded us…took two members hostage…” He hummed. “Ah it seems like three men died. This guy seems to have made it out with only a missing leg though.”

“Whatever, Aoi.” Uruha rolled his eyes. “You just don’t understand I guess.” Uruha said before he scooped a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. 

“I guess not…I was never very fond of killing. Don’t see how it appeals to you.”

Uruha thought for a moment. He never really thought of why it appealed to him. He just knew that it did. If Reita was there, he’d have said it probably had to do with all of Uruha’s past psychological bullshit. But Uruha had no reason to think about what Reita would say because Reita wasn’t there and probably wasn’t thinking about Uruha and so he stopped himself. “It makes me feel like I’m Superman or some shit. I don’t know, I can’t explain it. But it calms my nerves. It’s one of the only times I feel at ease.”

Aoi chuckled. “Glad to know there’s a bloodthirsty psychopath with a key to my house.” 

Uruha responded with a laugh of his own. “Yeah you better watch out or I’ll get you in your sleep.”

Aoi shot him a smile over his shoulder, his gaze lingering on the blonde for a moment too long. That was something he’d gotten used to since taking up his position as Aoi’s guard. The previous week Uruha had actually worked up the nerve to ask Aoi about all of his strange behaviors – from the staring, to the lingering touches, to the constant barrage of comments (that Uruha refused to call flirtatious) after an incident in which Aoi found it necessary to drape his legs over the blonde’s as he complained about gang affairs (it had become a habit of the General to do such). The question had stopped Aoi mid-sentence, drawing his brow to a crease as he pondered the answer. “I don’t really think about it.” He had finally said. “You’re just cute and fun to tease and so I don’t really worry about the rest.” 

Uruha hadn’t expected anything less.

And he certainly hadn’t hoped for anything more.

He swears.

After that things had gone to back normal. Uruha didn’t ask Aoi about his handsy nature, and Aoi certainly didn’t stop himself from acting too comfortable. What did change, however, was Uruha’s attitude towards the gestures. He figured, hell, if it meant nothing to Aoi, then it would mean nothing to Uruha. And so when Aoi threw him a gaze over his shoulder Uruha scooped another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth before he smirked a smirk that could put Aoi’s to shame.

“Like what you see?” 

The General snorted. “You wish.” Before he turned around, back to facing the computer screen. He clicked on another report, becoming absorbed yet again in his work. 

Really, Uruha admired the man. He doubted he’d ever seen anyone work as hard. He found himself thankful to be serving under such a General, figuring respectable people in positions of power were a rare commodity. He didn’t know what he did to get so lucky, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to question it.

He smiled, watching Aoi’s back as he worked. His smile gradually faded, however, as he watched Aoi’s body language shift. The man was physical in all that he did, his emotions betraying him by the nuanced movements his body made against his will. Perhaps he’d have been unreadable to others, but to Uruha it was obvious. Aoi wasn’t happy.

Which wasn’t rare, Uruha had found. There was something about reading the reports that got to the man. At first it hadn’t been as bad, but over time complaints about his work had deteriorated into a more emotional affair with every passing day. And although the man trusted the blonde enough to tell there _was_ a problem Uruha had never found himself privileged enough to be allowed to see the source of it – something the blonde was sure was there. There had to have been something under the surface of Aoi’s complaints, otherwise things simply wouldn’t line up.

“I don’t want to do this anymore Uruha.”

“What?” That pulled the blonde from his thoughts. Uruha set his bowl down, gazing curiously at the General’s back. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

“Seven died this morning in a gun battle.” Aoi pointed at the one monitor.

Uruha shifted in his chair.

“Two civilians caught in the crossfire yesterday. Dead. Both younger than seventeen.”

Uruha sighed.

“One of our drug dealers gunned down and robbed earlier tonight.”

Uruha’s lips twisted into a frown.

Aoi let out a huff of air. 

“What’s wrong? Really wrong?” Uruha tried. Aoi hadn’t opened up to him yet, but shit, Uruha wasn’t ready to give up. Death was a common outcome in their profession there was no way that was all it took to get Aoi so emotionally worked up. Uruha had the suspicion that there was something more to it – some aspect of either reading the reports or the events that occurred within them triggering something more deep-rooted inside the man.

Aoi spun himself around in his desk chair.

“I’m tired of all this, Uruha.” He said, pushing himself up from the chair, all the while his eyes on the blonde. He crossed the room until he was standing right in front of the blonde.

“Tired of what?” Uruha all but whispered as Aoi leaned over him, his knees on either side of Uruha’s hips. He effectively had Uruha pinned beneath him, and the blonde began to find it harder and harder to breath with each passing moment, trying desperately to keep his mind calm all the while. That task became increasingly difficult as time moved forward. He could feel Aoi’s body heat warm against him, the space between their bodies minimal as he leaned down even closer, the warmth spreading through his entire body, heating his cheeks up red. 

Well, this was new.

“All of this.” The General mumbled, making about as little sense as he usually did. Uruha could do nothing but stare up into the man’s eyes, a familiar action, that somehow felt different this time. He searched the general’s eyes for some kind of answer, but found nothing but the hazy fog of something that Uruha could not quiet place. “Please” He mumbled, and Uruha’s brain made a scramble to decipher the phrase – but to no avail.

The General cupped his cheeks, his thumb grazing just below his eyelashes and he watched Aoi heave a sigh – felt puff of breath caress his lips. He looked down at the blonde for a long moment, seemingly caught in the heat of right _then,_ his eyes staring into Uruha’s with a look that was unfamiliar to him and Uruha found himself frozen under it. Aoi tilted his head towards him, his eyelashes fluttering closed, and he got close. Incredibly close. Much closer then he’d ever gotten, and Uruha’s heart was hammering harder than anything against his chest, pounding maddeningly in response to the situation and for once Uruha allowed himself to give in to the frenzy in his head and his eyes were slipping closed and he was leaning in, and his lips puckering in preparation for what he was sure was going to be – 

“I think you should go.”

Just a breath away from him.

_Fuck had he just been about to -_

“Aoi…?”

“Everything’s fine. I’m just a little tired.” He rose with a calculated slowness, slid off the seat and stood, leaving the cold air to rush against Uruha’s body, causing him to shiver. He turned away from the blonde and sat back at his desk. Uruha noticed his hands trembling as he brought them to his lips.

If Uruha was honest he’d say he was angry.

But since he wasn’t he left without a word.

And along the way he ignored the whispering breath behind him “I’m sorry Uruha.” 

___

 

Uruha groaned into one of his pillows at the same time as he pulled his other one over his head.

Nothing was working. He couldn’t avoid the thought. 

And at that point he was tired of trying. The battle was over. There was nothing left to fight for.

Uruha squeezed his eyes shut tight, another frustrated sound muffling against the pillow. “Fuck this.” He squeezed the edges of the other pillow until his knuckles turned white.

Fuck Aoi. 

After he invited Uruha into his life to make a half assed attempt at letting him in, he’d gone and took his teasing to the next level and almost fucking kissed Uruha. Almost. Almost because he fucking pulled away at the last moment.

To reiterate: Fuck Aoi.

Uruha gritted his teeth as images of Aoi straddling his hips resurfaced. He gritted them even harder when he thought about the ‘what if’ that had been plaguing him the past few hours – the ‘what if he had kissed me?’ one to be specific.

Well, what if he had?

Uruha had to be honest with himself. If Aoi had kissed him, he’d have given in. He’d be holding the man in his arms right at that very moment whispering sweet things into his ear. He’d be rebuking every curse he’d ever had for love, he’d be kissing him back, he’d be revising his list of priorities, fuck, if Uruha was being honest he had to be fully honest. Aoi hadn’t kissed him. He’d pulled away and Uruha was still revising his priorities (read: Aoi. Money. Power. Status.) and it was driving him wild.

He couldn’t kill the thought of Aoi. And he wished he could to the point of desperation.

It wasn’t fair. It truly wasn’t. Obviously to Aoi, he was simply a plaything that he happened to take interest in by chance – someone to toy with and entertain him. To Aoi he was nothing, but to Uruha – and, god, was he pissed about it - to Uruha he was one more person on the list of those he had fallen for. And another on the list of those who had pulled away.

___

 

Aoi leaned his head into the crook of his elbow, his body hunched over against his desk. He still had so many reports to go through and yet he couldn’t get his mind to _focus_ dammit

Who said life as a General was an easy one?

His head was pounding with the force of the headache he had worked himself into (by thinking of blonde headed boys with pretty lips that he was getting far too involved with for his own liking, of course) and the reports just seemed to flood in without end recently. Just like they had during the war with Karasu all that time ago.

Aoi winced at the memory, feeling a sense of shame wash over himself at the thought. Impending war brimming on the surface, and here he was in his high rise thinking of frivolous things he thought he’d rid himself of years ago.

He didn’t know what was going on with him lately. It had started weeks ago; at first as a question of whether or not he really wanted this loneliness, but now it was certain. He didn’t. And to make it worse, he wanted to let go of his loneliness for one person – a feeling he was all too familiar with. And Aoi felt uncomfortable, if not unwilling, to let himself give in to the feeling.

_‘We always submit to love in the end. There’s no use fighting it. You’ll only end up hurting yourself if you try.’_

A small smile crept onto his lips. Everywhere you turn, there’s a reminder of a memory, huh?

_What if there’s something I remember every time I look at you._

With a heaving sigh, Aoi reached deep into his pocket. He knew what kind of night this would be. 

His fingers curled around familiar cold metal and he pulled out his butterfly knife. At first he examined it in its closed form, the swirling colors a bright rainbow under the surface of the cool gray metal – almost iridescent. He looked deeply into the knife, searching for something – anything – in the familiar blade that held a piece of the past– anything that would remind Aoi of –

Someone who was long gone. Someone he shouldn’t have been thinking about. Not after all this time.

_‘You need to talk about it eventually, Aoi...’_

He flipped the blade out and let another sigh push past his lips, the ringing in his head softening at the mere sight of the knife. But not quietening completely. He ran his thumb over the blade, the edge of it cutting into his skin, leaving a thin trail of blood to bubble up out from the pad of his thumb. He watched as it dripped from his skin with a morbid fascination, his head, for just a moment, completely silent. 

Betrayal. That was the word that came to mind as he watched the blood trail thicken. That’s what it was wasn’t it? That’s what he was doing, right? The things he promised himself – condemned himself to, rather – were slipping from him, dripping onto the floor and fading into blackness like the blood pooling from the wound on his thumb.

He contemplated cutting deeper – letting himself bleed more.

But ultimately decided against it.

He let out a humorless laugh, dropping the knife to clatter against his desk. Despite himself, he thought of the time he had held it against the blonde’s throat, and in tandem the time it had been pushed against his own. How many years had it been since then? Too many. There was entirely too much time between then and now – and something inside of him wanted it all back. He felt the nostalgia wash over him, enveloping him sweetly in its embrace and he wondered if he could ever be the person he was _then_ just one more time. Maybe that’s all he wanted – one last chance to make things right. A second (correction: hundredth) shot at happiness. He looked down at the knife, all the while thinking of blond hair and bow lips and redemption. 

Things were getting more serious then he intended.

He shook his head. He needed to get back to work. He needed to do something to keep his mind off the past, and the present. And an imaginary future (that he didn’t want to construct just yet because he _had_ just hurt the man he wanted to build one with and all because he wasn’t fully sure he was ready to build it in the first place.)

He tapped a computer key, brightening both monitors, their faint glows illuminating his face. Just as he was wondering what he could use as a distraction an idea struck. He wasn’t exactly sure if it counted as work, but he figured it was probably just as important. If he needed to get his mind of off troublesome things, then he figured perhaps he’d do some research into the question that had been tormenting him ever since the blonde had brought up his name: Who the hell was Reita?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its 3am and so im sorry if there's typos lol
> 
> this sure did take a while to update whoops lol. for some reason this chapter was really hard to write idk why but i hope its ok. 
> 
> Uruha finally grows some balls and admits to himself his feeling for Aoi, but alas, Aoi has his own bullshit to go through. When will this couple get their shit together man? Theyre such teases
> 
> more soon i promise!


	8. Kill The Pigs

Uruha was alone.

He was alone and he was worried and he was scared that once the sun rose and he walked into Aoi’s penthouse he’d be condemned to even more loneliness – turned away after the previous day’s display.

_Fuck_ , Uruha thought. What if this changes everything? What if it makes things awkward? What if it banishes what little progress Uruha had made with getting closer to the General?

He raked his fingers through his hair, sighing into the blackness of his bedroom.

He couldn’t be angry at Aoi, even if he wanted to. It fucking hurt that he had almost-kissed him, but he couldn’t hold anything against the man for it. Even though he’d been trying to for hours. Uruha glanced outside his window. Yeah, still very much nighttime, but not for long. In a few hours, the sun would be rising and Uruha will have gotten not even a little bit of sleep.

The later he stayed up, the more his anxiety built. He was upset about Aoi, but there was another, equally-frustrating-but-in-different-ways, man that occupied a lot of his mind.

Reita.

Uruha normally willed himself to sleep the moment he got home, but now that he was awake he couldn’t help but think about the fellow blonde. And about how late he actually stayed out while absolutely _no one_ knew where he was. 

He worried at his bottom lip, more and more horrible scenarios filling his brain with each moment that ticked by. It was three in the morning, and the blonde still hadn’t returned. He knew they had some sort of agreement worked out, but still, Uruha couldn’t help but wonder where the hell the blonde would vanish to. 

After what felt like an eternity of worrying, Uruha finally heard the front door unlock and open.

Uruha smiled. He was finally home. _He was safe._

Uruha considered trying to finally get some rest, but he jolted when he found the door to his bedroom being twisted open.

“Uruha are you here?” He heard his childhood friend call out, almost sounding nervous as he tried to navigate in the darkened room.

“Yeah.” Uruha replied simply, feeling a weight dip down on his bed. In a split second he was pulled into a tight hug “W-what the-“

“I thought you might be dead.” Reita finally broke the embrace, searching out the eyes of a very confused Uruha.

“Can you please start making some kind of sense?” Uruha rubbed at his eyes, straining to see through the darkness. “What are you doing?” 

He heard Reita sigh.

“Karasu destroyed one of our warehouses near the border. I’m not exactly sure where you go since you’ve stopped receiving missions and, well, I guess I just wanted to make sure you weren’t one of the ones who died.”

Uruha blinked. “Destroyed it?”

“Yes. Destroyed it. They slaughtered twenty of our men and now they’re claiming that bit of territory is theirs now.”

He didn’t have to look at Reita to see that he was tense. 

“What the hell…”

“It happened just over an hour ago. I needed to check on you. My idiot little brother can’t die before me.”

“Shut up.” Uruha grumbled, his nose scrunching up at being called the man’s little brother. It had been fine when they were ten, but it wasn’t exactly as cute anymore fifteen years later. His expression twisted even further as he remembered _her_ , who, after the crush subsided, he had regarded almost exclusively as big sister. They were the only surrogate family he ever felt he truly belonged to.

And maybe he something like missed it. And maybe it was even clearer that he missed it when Reita rose from his bed, ruffled his hair as he did so, and slid back out the door of his bedroom. As he was fading back out of consciousness he heard the front door open and close. He was back out again to someplace far away from him. And Uruha, as he willed himself into the blackness of sleep, buried the thoughts of when they shared everything with each other deep within his mind. It wouldn’t do him any good to think of that.

\----

Uruha opened the door to Aoi’s penthouse with a building anxiety over how this would play out – would Aoi address what happened last night? Would he ignore it? Would he try to confront Uruha? They were questions that Uruha had turned over maybe a thousand times in his mind before that morning. He found his answer rather quickly, however, after having walked into the penthouse. He found Aoi in the kitchen, his back turned to him as he poured himself a cup of coffee. 

“Hi Uruha.” Aoi said without turning around. “I made coffee.” He brought his own mug up to his lips, still facing away from the man, before he spoke again. “Want any?” He said before taking another sip. He turned around and placed the mug down on the counter, finally facing Uruha, but his eyes lying on some point on the floor. He had on a baggy t-shirt, making his small frame look even thinner, his hair was in a messier-than-usual ponytail, and the dark circles under his eyes made his usually bright eyes seem dull. 

It was obvious that he hadn’t slept.

Uruha found himself wanting to wrap the tired looking general in his arms and snuggle him into a satisfying sleep that lasted until late afternoon. He frowned at the affectionate thought, but made no attempt to push it out of his mind.

“Coffee sounds good.”

Aoi grabbed another mug out of the cupboard; simple and black like most of the things in Aoi’s apartment. Uruha noticed a Band-Aid on his thumb.

“What happened to your hand, klutz.” Uruha smiled at himself. Perhaps he could ease this into some semblance of normality with some teasing. Aoi always enjoyed teasing.

Or so Uruha thought. The man tensed and flinched and the mention of the wound, but otherwise didn’t address it. 

Uruha swallowed. He could tell the day ahead of him would be an agonizing one.

“I don’t know if you’ll get to fire your gun,” Aoi began. “But I think we’ll be seeing at least some kind of action today.” Aoi said as he poured Uruha’s cup. He was still refusing to make eye contact with the blonde. Uruha almost asked him to look at him – almost begged him. He didn’t want anything to change. He didn’t want the almost-kiss to drive them apart after he finally managed to get as close to the General.

It hurt to see Aoi act this way and he could have yelled or screamed or cursed but instead he cocked his head to the side, his eyebrow raising at the General’s statement. “What do you mean?”

“We have a meeting with the Police Chief.” Aoi said, a sardonic smile plastering itself onto his lips. “After a long back and forth with the Boss, it’s been decided that I have to meet with him and discuss the seizing of our territory that occurred last night.”

Uruha simply frowned in response.

“Please.” Aoi mumbled, his tired eyes still avoiding Uruha’s. “I want you to be there with me.”

“You don’t have to ask. I am your personal guard after all.”

\----

Uruha adjusted his tie and cleared his throat, each step he made against the concrete floor of the lobby with his dress shoes seeming to echo in his ears even though the room was just as full and loud as it usually was. It had been hours since he first met Aoi that morning, and they two men took their time preparing for the meeting. Uruha wasn’t exactly sure what to expect, but Aoi’s tension over not only the situation, but also Uruha’s presence had him on edge. 

Uruha smoothed his hands over his borrowed suit jacket as he approached the man that had been described to him as the Police Chief. He smeared the most welcoming smile he could manage on his face, his lips twitching up at the corners in a grin that didn’t reflect in his eyes.

He’d gotten too comfortable since he’d joined Goddess. His acting wasn’t as smooth as it used to be.

“Nice to meet you, Sir, I’m Uruha.” He said (having been warned by the General beforehand that the police chief was a hard character that required such formalities) only to have his hand grabbed roughly. “What the hell!” He was pulled into an embrace before he could form a second thought and he noted the contrast between this one, and the one he had shared with Reita hours earlier. The main difference being that the police chief was disgusting. He felt the man’s stubble rub against his jaw and he grimaced, the smell of aftershave, mint, and stale alcohol berating his nostrils.

It was an unfortunately nostalgic combination that reminded him of someone-like-a-father-figure. Uruha grimaced a second time.

When the chief finally pulled away, the blonde got a good look at him. He couldn’t say he was surprised at the police chief’s appearance; round belly that hung over his dress pants, balding head, and sagging, wrinkled features carried by an overconfident expression that broadcasted the untouchability he felt he possessed; he was a shining example of every cop Uruha had ever encountered. His skin was tinged pink, and the upturn of his nose reminded Uruha of the time he and Reita had watched that Discovery Channel special on the evolution of pigs and their various relatives. Uruha did not like him.

“General never said he kept such a handsome young man around. What’s he doing keeping secrets like you?” 

Uruha went pale. His fingers itched for his gun, but he forced his hands to hang at his sides.

“I’m Yamato.” The chief gave a gap-toothed smile. “Nice to meet you, pretty.”

Uruha either wanted to throw up or die.

“Yes, well, I’m Aoi’s bodyguard and I’ll be escorting you to his meeting room.” The blonde turned around on his heels, walking almost robotically to the alcove that held the base floor elevator. He kept his head straight the whole way, only alerted that Yamato was following him by the sound of his feet pounding against the floor behind him.

When they reached the elevator the blonde was painfully aware of how close Chief Yamato was standing to him and it had his head spinning – he wanted to run. He wanted to run or punch or scream but instead he typed in the sequence beside the elevator door as Chief Yamato watched on wordlessly, his eyes following the blonde’s every movement almost too closely. Uruha forced his attention elsewhere, anything to keep his mind off Yamato. After a moment the doors slid open “Here we are.” And Uruha stepped inside, gesturing for Yamato to do this same. Uruha plastered himself to one corner of the lift and prayed for the police chief to do the same to the opposite end. However, he didn’t. Instead he stood near Uruha, shooting him glances throughout the ride.

It was obvious. He was enjoying Uruha’s discomfort.

The blonde found himself smoothing his hands over his shirt again and he felt his gun in the waistband of his pants through the material. Tempting.

Once they reached the proper floor, Uruha guided the officer around the corner and through hallways that were now familiar to him, walking side by side with the officer. He seemed rather inquisitive, his pace unhurried as he let his eyes roam over every detail of the complex’s upper levels, even running his fingers along some of the walls like he needed to have the place perfectly mapped out in his mind. Uruha figured it was normal enough – how often was anyone, let alone an outsider to the gang, allowed to traverse the upper floors of the complex? And even he had to admit, Aoi’s place was incredible.

“This way.” Uruha mumbled as he led the police chief around another bend. He still was uncomfortable about the man’s presence. He seemed not only disgusting, but also dangerous. It wouldn’t be as bad if he had been anyone else - Uruha could take an out of shape, middle aged man any day - but the fact that he held power over Uruha made him completely helpless against the man. Maybe Aoi would be sympathetic if he lashed out at the police chief, but he doubted the boss of Goddess would be as understanding.

The blonde imagined his disembodied head on a silver platter, the bloody mess on display at the center of a dinner between Goddess higher ups. ‘He shouldn’t have acted out of turn.’ They’d say. ‘He should have known that no one disrupts our relationship with the police and lives.’ 

Uruha shivered.

“The General sure does have beautiful taste, doesn’t he?” Officer Yamato asked. The blonde gave him a light nod, watching as the officer smacked his greasy lips together. “Perfectly suited for such a beautiful man.”

Uruha felt his stomach lurch.

He didn’t reply to the statement, as he soon found himself standing in front of the door of the meeting room. “Anyway, here we are.” The blonde pulled open the door and held it open for Yamato, gesturing him inside like he was some kind of butler.

Fuck Aoi. This was not in the job description.

The meeting room was bare by comparison of the rest of Aoi’s area; simple table, simple gray carpet, simple flat screen on the wall behind the end of the table, presumably for video calls. The wall opposite the door was entirely glass, a pair of sliding doors leading out to a balcony. Inside the door stood none other than the man himself, leaning against the mahogany meeting table that he had forced Uruha to wipe the dust off of earlier that evening. He swept his dark bangs out of his eyes, the rest of his hair tied in a half-up do. He looked multitudes better than the man he’d been that morning, the dark circles under his eyes hidden by concealer and his baggy t-shirt swapped for an all-black suit – black jacket, black shirt, black tie – he looked good, to put it simply.

“Ah, how pleasant it is to see such a familiar, beautiful face.” Uruha heard Yamato say as he closed the door behind them. Aoi got up from where he was leaning, crossing the room with an extended hand for Yamato. Uruha watched the pig reach for Aoi’s hand, but instead of shaking it he brought it to his lips to place a gentle kiss on the back of it. 

Aoi kept his face neutral. Uruha was fuming visibly, but he didn’t say a word.

“It’s been a while, Officer Yamato.” Aoi offered a friendly smile, and he gestured towards the table in the center of the room. “Have a seat. Make yourself at home.” And then he was off, settling into his own chair at the further end of the table. “We have a lot to discuss.”

“So quick to get down to business, General. Why don’t we take our time – go slow.” 

Uruha rolled his eyes and took up position standing in front of the glass sliding doors. He squared his shoulders in an attempt to look imposing, his hand ghosting over the imprint of his gun. He stared dead Into Yamato’s face, who in turn ignored him entirely.

“I’m sure you’ve been aware, if not integral, to the fact that Karasu has been breaching our borders. A lot of my men lost their lives the other day. I want to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

The officer broke into a smile. “Won’t let me off easy, will you, General?”

“Unfortunately, I can’t. You’ve betrayed our trust, Yamato. We had an agreement.”

“Trust will leave you dead, dear. I thought one of your status would know that by now.” He chuckled softly. “Or perhaps that death wish of yours hasn’t subsided.”

“You cocky fu-“

“- Uruha.” The General snapped. “Calm down.”

Uruha did not want to calm down, and by the look on Aoi’s face he did not want to either.

The blonde kept his mouth closed. Which became quite the difficult task when Officer Yamato spoke.

“The mutt you’ve taken in needs a muzzle.”

Aoi ignored the quip, sighing softly as his brows knitted together in a crease. “We pay you rather nicely Officer Yamato. Goddess has just been wondering if you’ve been upholding your end of the bargain-”

“-With regards to shooting down Karasu? And keeping them out of your territory? You know me, General. I know it’s been a while, but you never struck me as the forgetful type. There are very few things I’m interested in, dear, and Karasu is doing a better job at appealing to my interests. It’s that simple.” He smiled. “If you want to talk business, let’s talk business.” He cracked his knuckles as he leaned back into his chair, his smile transforming into a grin. “What do I get in return?”

Uruha daydreamed about shooting the pig in the face.

“What do you want?” Aoi asked, his shoulders tensing visibly. He held the officers gaze, his eyes hard all the while.

The officer stood from his chair and crossed the length of the table until he was standing in front of a sitting Aoi. 

Uruha watched the interaction closely, his fingers beginning to reach under his jacket until he felt the familiar cool metal in the waistband of his pants. 

Officer Yamato placed one hand on the table in front of Aoi, his lips close by his ear. Uruha watched him place his other hand on the General’s shoulder. His hand traveled from there to-

Nowhere. 

Yamato froze. He turned his head slowly to try to look at Uruha, who was standing right behind him with a gun pressed against the back of his head, having crossed the room the second the pig’s fingers met with Aoi’s skin.

“Don’t you _dare_ touch him.” Uruha snarled.

“That guard dog of yours doesn’t know who he’s barking at.” Yamato said, not even slightly shaken by the predicament he was in. “You wouldn’t shoot me, dear.”

“Try me, bi-“

“Uruha!” Aoi interjected. “Put your gun down!” 

Uruha glared at Aoi. He wanted him to stand down? Right after he finally had the pig where he wanted him – on the opposite end of his pistol.

“ _Uruha!_ ”

With a dissenting grumble, Uruha withdrew his weapon. He was pissed. Yamato had no right to touch Aoi. Or disrespect him. Uruha just wanted to make sure that was clear to the pig, and perhaps a bullet to the head was the only way to put that information in the cocky fucker’s skull. Uruha couldn’t help but imagine how satisfying the sound of a bullet ripping through his brain would have sounded

Yamato straightened, turning around fully to face Uruha. 

The blonde gritted his teeth.

Yamato was smug as anything. “I’m going to have a smoke. I hope one of you meets me out there with a mighty fine offer after this rude little display.” He flashed his crooked teeth at Uruha. “If I can find it in me to forgive you at all, that is.”

As soon as Yamato was out on the balcony, Uruha’s head snapped towards the General. “What the hell Aoi? Why the fuck did you stop me?”

“We need this deal, Uruha.” The General slammed his fist on the table. “You damn near ruined this for us! Without his protection we’re nothing. Goddess needs this! It’s bigger than you and me, it’s the lives of the men I’m here to protect!”

“So no matter what he does or says you just grit your teeth and take it like some little bitch?”

“You will not talk to me that way.”

“But he can?”

“Apologize.”

Uruha’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Apologize.” Aoi’s brows knitted together further. “And not to me, to Yamato.”

Uruha stared at the officer’s figure on the other side of the glass, dumbfounded. Apologize to him? Uruha found that a little unfair. He was there to protect Aoi, and that’s what he did. Sure, he had gone a little overboard. Sure, he didn’t like even non-threatening touches being placed on Aoi by others. Sure, he ignored the consequences of threatening the officer. But he thought Aoi would at least be a little more understanding of why. “And why the hell should I?”

“Because I’m asking you – _telling_ you to. Apologize.”

Silence.

“Uruha you will go out there. Or you will face consequences”

Uruha flinched. For a moment he felt disposable – like he didn’t mean anything to Aoi. ‘ _You’re worthless_ ’s and ‘ _that’s why no one keeps you for long_ ’s blared loud in his head. He was just his subordinate. Nothing more. 

He straightened his face. “Fine. I’ll apologize.”

Aoi stared at the table rather than Uruha, his chest heaving hard with every breath. “Tell him the offer is five million.”

Uruha didn’t answer. He spun around and headed for the door. If this is what Aoi wanted, then so be it. Uruha would humiliate himself for the man, even if he felt Aoi wouldn’t do the same for him.

When he stepped onto the balcony the officer didn’t turn to face him. 

“Want a smoke?” Yamato said.

Uruha shook his head even though the man couldn’t see it. “No thanks.”

“Hmm” Was all the officer answered. Uruha placed himself beside Officer Yamato, his hands jammed deep in his pockets as he gathered the words he was about to say. “What’s up there?” Yamato asked, cutting through the silence, his head tilted backwards as he gazed above. There was a concrete ledge hanging over their heads.

Uruha shrugged. “General’s balcony.” Odd way to make conversation, but Uruha would take it if it meant delaying the inevitable.

“So why was it exactly that you came out here to join me?” Yamato grinned. “Want to enjoy the evening air with me? Or was it something else?”

Hell, so much for delaying the inevitable.

Uruha swallowed. He remembered a time, back when he was Kouyou, when he and Akira had gotten into an argument. It was rare that they ever did and it had been years since their last one. He remembered it was because Kouyou had messed up one of their stunts, his nerves having gotten the best of him, damning them to another night of hunger. He hadn’t taken kindly to Akira’s criticisms and the two ended up in a screaming match.

He remembers sitting against the wall of an abandoned warehouse they dubbed their hideout, his arms folded in indignation as _she_ scolded Akira.

“Kouyou is fragile. You have to take good care of him.” She had told Akira, poking him in the chest the way she always did. “No more of this fighting! Family is more important than food, anyway.”

Kouyou remembers Akira’s pout and the way he whined “How come _he_ never gets scolded! It was his fault!”

It had been his fault. She had always spoiled him, however, so he never had to admit it and he never did apologize to Akira, being far too stubborn to manage that. It had been _her_ that mediated the tension between the two of them, apology or no apology. It wasn’t like the two boys could stay mad at each other for long anyway.

Uruha would have smiled at the memory, but he shook his head instead. Now was no time for reminiscing.

Uruha let out a deep breath. Apologies still weren’t his strong suit. He had never outgrown that stubbornness. “About what happened back there…”

“Yes, sweetheart? Speak up. I can barely hear you.”

“Listen, I don’t want to do this but-“

“But you will, won’t you?” Yamato’s eyes narrowed dangerously, but there was still a smile present on his wrinkled face. “Because if you don’t, who knows what will happen.”

Uruha decided that he hated him.

“Ugh, fuck you! I tried. I tried to apologize but you’re not worth it. And you’re not worth the five million dollars we’re offering you!”

Yamato’s eyes widened. His brow quirked. “Five million?”

\----

Uruha crossed his arms over his chest, standing just outside the door to the General’s penthouse. He was tired of the lecture he was getting. “It doesn’t matter, Aoi, he accepted the offer.” 

Aoi’s eyes narrowed, but he _still_ avoided Uruha’s gaze. “You better hope that was enough to let him forget the way you acted.”

“I don’t understand why you’re so damn mad!”

Aoi’s face twisted into a scowl, but he kept his jaw locked tightly.

“What is it, Aoi?”

Aoi was angry, that much was obvious, but Uruha could also see something like pain under the surface of it all as he stared mutely at the floor.

“What’s wrong?” Uruha asked, his voice taking on a softer tone than his previous one.

He watched Aoi worry at his bottom lip, his fingers in a white-knuckled clench around the hem of his suit jacket. Despite it all, Uruha wanted to kiss the downturn of his lips. He wanted to cup the shorter man’s cheeks and rub soothing circles beneath his eyes until the tension in them drained. Instead, he watched on silently as something inside Aoi snapped. 

“It’s because I’m scared Uruha!” Aoi yelled, locked in a staring contest with his shoes. “I’m scared and I’m stressed out and I’m tired of all this!”

“Of what? Of what, Aoi? You keep telling me all these half-truths.” He got no response. As usual. “What is wrong with you? What are you afraid of? I’m just trying to understand and you won’t _let me_ , Aoi!”

There was no response for a moment, as if Aoi couldn’t gather the words. Or perhaps he was trying to decide whether he’d let Uruha in or not. Though, his decision came in a matter of moments. “I don’t want to talk about it, Uruha.” And before the blonde could register anything else Aoi had opened the door to his penthouse, and slammed it behind him.

“You’re so damn frustrating!” Uruha screamed at the closed to door. 

Before he knew it, he was storming away from Aoi’s penthouse and towards his own abode. 

When Uruha opened the door to their apartment, Reita wasn’t there. Big surprise.

At first, Uruha thought that he would unwind by watching some mindless TV. That proved impossible, however, as his mind kept brushing past thoughts of Aoi and how much easier things would be if the raven had just trusted him a little more. Yeah, Uruha had acted out of turn earlier, but that wasn’t the real problem and Uruha knew it.

Thinking about it pissed Uruha off. He knew Aoi would be tough to get close to, but now he had the experience to prove it. With a sigh, Uruha tore himself away from the TV and went into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and grabbed the first bottle he saw, not caring what it was so long as it was alcoholic. 

The day had been too much. He needed a drink. When he finally thought his day had been looking up, and he was no more than half way through his drink, he heard the door to their apartment unlock.

Reita was back.

“Hey.” Uruha said, earning not a single word in response from the older blonde.

That was strange.

Uruha watched Reita shrug off his jacket and toss it somewhere on the floor (a typical Reita thing) before he crossed into the living room and turned off the TV, ignoring Uruha’s protests. Soon enough, he was barging into the kitchen space.

At first he didn’t say anything, and Uruha didn’t like that, finding the silence stiffening as they quietly regarded each other. 

"I heard a rumor about you, Uruha." Silence broken. Uruha’s brow quirked at that. He didn’t like Reita’s tone of voice, it was throwing him off, as was his stiff, unreadable expression. And to top it all off, he could already imagine what the rumor was about. "Where do you go during the day? Who are you with?" 

"What?" Uruha’s eyes widened. Reita was demanding information from him? After all the secrets he’d been keeping? Incredible.

"You heard me, Uruha." Reita crossed the distance of their small kitchen, placing himself directly in front of Uruha. “You don't know what you're getting yourself into."

"What I get myself into isn't any of your business. I thought we agreed on that."

“Not my business?” He scoffed. “Maybe before I knew you were buddies with not only a murderer, but one with a high hit on his head! If he doesn’t kill you himself, getting involved in his mess will. I’m not going to see you get caught in the crossfire. I'm trying to protect you Uruha!"

"Thanks, but fuck off."

Uruha watched Reita’s face twist into a scowl. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Uruha mirrored the expression, something about this interaction setting him off. 

"No. _No._ What's wrong with _you_ Reita?" Uruha pushed the shorter man. "You’re treating me like I’m still a child – like I can’t protect myself. In case you haven’t noticed, I can take care of me. Especially now that you're gone all the goddamn time and won't tell me shit, always sneaking the fuck around.” Uruha glared at his childhood friend, becoming more honest than he had expected. “I stay up _worrying_ about you Reita and even now you won't fucking look me in the eyes! You don’t tell me shit, but demand that I spill everything? You go hunting for rumors about me? Come into our house looking to start fights? What the fuck is _that_ Reita?” He took a deep breath. “Where the hell do you keep going Reita?" 

Quiet.

"Why won't you tell me anything?"

Reita looked away. 

"Look at me Akira."

Silence, save for Uruha’s shuddering breaths.

"Why won't you talk to me, Akira?" His voice cracked against its will. "Talk to me..."

Reita took a breath. "You don't have to worry about me, Uruha."

That. Was. It.

"I'm fucking _tired_ of secrets and mixed signals and being kept at arms lengths, Akira, either you tell me or you're gone!"

“You’re my little brother, Uruha, I can’t be ‘gone’." 

"I'm not you're brother, Reita, I'm obviously not shit to you!" Uruha pushed Reita again, harder this time. "And you're not shit to me either!" 

Reita looked up at Uruha with a creased brow, his voice low and dangerous. “Fine, Uruha. If that’s the way you want it to be, then fine.”

Reita left – went back out into the night to possibly anywhere. He didn’t slam the door behind him, and for some reason Uruha wished he did. 

He shut it gently – tender and quiet – leaving Uruha alone with the company of his own mind, which, by contrast, was painfully loud with reminders of his own worthlessness.

Uruha wondered how long it had been since the last time he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was good~
> 
> Wonder what this means for Uruha and Reita's friendship hmmmm.
> 
> Wonder if Aoi will ever tell us why he's so damn emotional hmmmm. Wonder if he'll ever stop avoiding his issues hmmmm. Like, at this point even Uruha is handling his past/feelings better then him now wtf.
> 
> Funfact I was gonna name the officer Sakai after Gazette's old manager but decided against it lol. 
> 
> Another funfact: The uru rei fight thing was one of the first scenes I wrote for this fic!
> 
> More soon! I hope you guys are excited for it, because I'm excited to write it!


	9. Big Brother

Reita’s combat boots slammed against the pavement with every step he took. He wasn’t exactly sure where he was heading, he just knew he needed to _go_. Had he been in a clearer state of mind, he would have headed for the complexes parking garage and took his bike for a ride instead, perhaps heading to one of his usual locations or working on his ‘personal project’, but he was too pissed to consider that.

He cursed himself. He was always making stupid mistakes, wasn’t he?

“Dammit,” He mumbled to himself as he felt the cool night air engulf him. He left his jacket back at the apartment. Yet another smart move made by Reita. He rolled his eyes.

He stared up above him as he walked, letting himself be blinded by the city lights he was under. It took him back to nights he had spent sleeping under these buildings, nights when he and Kouyou and _her_ had still been intact. Eventually, his mind wandered to the first time he met Kouyou.

He had met many other kids over the years – they did come and go after all – but he could clearly tell that Kouyou was going to be different from all the other kids in the orphanage. If anything, by the fact that _she_ , Akira’s older sister Hana, had taken a liking to him straight away. It was rare that Hana liked anyone. 

He had been crying. Akira remembered laying on the bottom bunk of his bed, listening to the stifled sobs that rained above him from his new roommate. Most kids were used to being tossed from orphanage to orphanage, foster home to foster home, dead end to dead end, but apparently Kouyou wasn’t.

“Are you new?” Akira remembered asking into the darkness. Maybe his parents died suddenly, he’d wondered. Maybe his Mommy got a new husband and abandoned him, he’d wondered. Maybe his Mommy and Daddy fought so much that a balding old lady thought them unfit to be his parents and took him away, he’d wondered. Most of the kids that had been in the system since birth were more than accustomed to the practice of being thrown away, after all. Akira knew he was, even at the ripe old age of six. 

The response he got was a sort of squeak. Maybe his new bunkmate didn’t like conversation. Akira had gotten up and swung his arms over the top of his bunkbed to get a better look at his new bunkmate.

He was small. He was very, _very_ small, and very much curled into a ball in the center of his bed, sobs wracking through his little body. He lifted his face to look at Akira. And even though he had no reason to, Akira found himself feeling guilty.

“Are you sad because you don’t have a family?” He asked bluntly – in a way that only a child could. He remembered Kouyou’s answering sobs.

“My name’s Akira. I have a _real_ sister. If you want, you can be a part of our family. If she likes you of course.”

He remembered watching Kouyou rub his eyes.

“You can meet her tomorrow.” He said, smiling the best smile he could manage with his missing front teeth. “But only if you go to sleep now. You cry really loud.”

Reita shook his head at the memory. He hated thinking of the past, but it was all he could seem to do recently, thoughts of Hana plaguing him at every turn. And now he had thoughts of Uruha – Kouyou rather – haunting him as well.

Not that he could bring that up with Uruha. Especially not now that everything’s gone to shit. Reita frowned, taking a turn down a random alleyway as even more memories came flooding back to him.

He remembered the day Hana welcomed Kouyou into the family.

Akira had taken Kouyou by the hand the next morning, pulling him excitedly to the girl’s end of the orphanage. He busted through Hana’s door, ignoring the protests of her three roommates like he usually did and walked straight up to her to sitting figure as she lounged on the bed.

“Hana, this is my friend. His name is Kouyou and I think he should be our brother.” Akira finished off his decree with a wide smile, and Hana ruffled his hair. She had a habit of doing that to people. 

“Kouyou, you said?” She asked, regarding the boy with a soft smile. Kouyou averted his eyes, staring at the ground shyly.

“Yeah.” His answer was meek. Hana smiled reassuringly at him, ruffling his hair the way she did to Akira.

“How did you end up here, Kouyou?” She asked. And soon they were both aware that that wasn’t a subject to be breached upon. The boy broke out in tears, his hands reaching for his face as he cried into his hands.

Hana smiled even more softly, if it was possible, and tenderly took Kouyou by the hands, prying them gently from his face. She pulled him into a sweet hug, kissing the top of his head. “It’s ok. It’s ok if you don’t have anyone. You’re our family now. You have us now.” Even at the age of ten, Akira’s older sister had always been extraordinarily motherly.

Reita took another turn, acutely aware that he had no idea where he was. _That’s fine,_ he thought. He would just wander until he couldn’t anymore. He came across a particularly gritty alleyway. It reminded him of the foster family he had spent the most time with. It reminded him of the first time he had killed.

It had been many years after he met Kouyou, and only a handful since Hana had left them. He was fifteen years old and far too young to deal with the trauma that he brought upon himself.

But he didn’t regret it either. In the moment he did it, he recalled Hana’s last words to him; _‘Promise me you’ll protect Kouyou. He’s gotten stronger lately, but he’ll always need you. So promise me you’ll take care of him.’_ And those words playing into his mind had given Akira the conviction he needed to complete the task. He’d made a promise. Akira did not break promises.

He remembered pulling their foster father off of Kouyou in the alleyway behind their house, a knife he had slipped from their kitchen in hand. “Get off of him!” Akira remembered shouting, panick coursing through his veins at the sight before him – the man’s hands wound tightly around Kouyou’s neck as the life faded from him. Akira remembered trying to kick him, and in the next breath the man was lunging for him. He was knocked off balance by the man and pinned to the ground as he tried to wrestle the knife from Akira. It had slipped from his fingers, just barely out of reach. He remembered the fuck’s hands wrapping around his neck. He remembered being _certain_ that he would die there. He remembered feeling the strength drain from his body. 

He still had some fight left in him, though. He had decided he couldn’t let himself die there. If he died, it meant Kouyou would too. He would’ve betrayed Hana, and failed his closest friend. He couldn’t have allowed that.

His fingers fumbled for the knife, adrenaline urging him on. The second he got a good grip on it, he brought his arms up fast, before the man on top of him had a chance to register any of what was going on he pushed the knife deep into the man’s throat until his balled fist was pressed against the bleeding skin. 

Akira remembered blood pouring over him. He remembered laying beneath the dead weight as he tried to catch his breath, blood soaking through his clothes. He remembered his ears ringing from the adrenaline. He remembered Kouyou, bruised and gasping for his own breaths, pushing the man off of him and pulling Akira up onto unsteady feet. He remembered him looking into Akira’s eyes “We need to run.”

Reita turned out of the alleyway and his face lit up. He knew exactly where he was. At that moment an idea struck – he knew exactly what he was going to do. He was angry at Uruha, certainly, but he had still made a promise and he would see it through to the end.

Walking down familiar roads, Reita thought back on yet another time in his life. Akira had been twenty-one at the time, and he and Kouyou had been, well, broke. They were homeless by all rights, and neither of them had had a job in years. Not a respectable one at least.

Akira, in simple terms, was a thief. He’d kill people for their possessions, and run the items by a pawn shop that he frequented for cash. Didn’t pay the most, but there wasn’t much you could do as a man with a criminal record and no education.

There was one man in particular he had been watching for weeks. He lived in a spacious cottage on the edge of town, frequently going out for strolls in the finest clothes. He had at least three cars in his parking lot, all of them foreign, and Akira always saw him walking with some other men – guards. He was obviously loaded.

Akira remembered his lucky day. He was standing outside of the shitty apartment his ex-girlfriend had just kicked him out of, and watched a benz pull up and park on the other side of the street. He watched the familiar man get out of his car and walk up to the apartment complex across his street. What business did someone like that have someplace like there? Akira didn’t know. And he didn’t care. All he did know was that he was devising a plan. And when the man came out of the building across the street, it would be to his own demise.

Akira went over to the other side of the street, hiding himself in the shadow of the building. When the man came out, he would have to pass him and when he did Akira would grab him and slit his throat, and he’d have a shiny new car to skip town in.

When the time came, Akira felt his heart pounding hard against his chest. He always felt nervous in those situations, no matter how much time he’d been doing it. He saw the man approaching, and just as he stepped past him, seemingly unaware of his presence, Akira lurched forward.

What he didn’t expect was the man grabbing the arm he had his knife in, and using the weight of his attack to throw him over his shoulder.

He remembered a foot pressing into his chest and a candy-sweet smile.

“I have every reason to kill you.” The man said, looking down onto him. “And it would be easy to do it.”

Akira groaned. Perhaps he hadn’t picked out the most ideal target. “Do you know who I am?” The man asked.

Akira shook his head, his ears ringing with the force he had been slammed into the ground with.

“What’s your name?” The man had asked. 

“Akira.”

“I’m feeling generous today, Akira. I’ll let you live. Call it your lucky day.”

Akira hadn’t felt very lucky.

“And if you ever find yourself wanting the things that I have, you can come visit my house. Goddess has various opportunities for scum like us. We’d love to see some new recruits.”

Akira groaned again. His head was getting foggy. “Who are you?” he managed to ask through the haze.

“My name is Kai. I’m the general of the Eastern district, and somewhat of an important guy in this little gang.” He remembered Kai flipping brunet hair out of his face. “Consider my offer sometime.” 

And he had left Akira there lying on the pavement.

Reita smiled, broken out of his reverie by the sight in front of him. Reita pulled open the door of the police station, hearing the bells above his head chime. He walked through the familiar building, and no one stopped him, everyone knowing exactly who he was. He pulled open a door, and stepped inside.

“What brings you too my office, dear?” Yamato asked, hiding a look of annoyance.

“I need a favor.” Reita replied, pulling a chair up to Yamato’s desk and plopping himself down into it. He watched Yamato attempt a pout.

“Don’t you always? You Goddess men are always so cruel to me. I’m starting to wonder if you’re even worth all the trouble.” He sighed. “Don’t you ever want conversation? Company?”

“Cut the crap, Yamato, I’m being serious here.”

“So mean, Reita. Ah, I’m really starting to miss my sweetheart. Cute little Karasu boy who always asked so nicely for the information I gave.” Reita watched him smile widely. “And always gave me a little extra ‘tip’ for what I told him.”

“I don’t have time for this Yamato.” Reita answered seriously. He knew the officer’s games, and none of them bothered him in the slightest. “I’ve read the messages already-“

“Ah, of course you have, you dutiful little hacker”

“- I know you met with the General today. And I know there’s not a detail that slips past you, Yamato, so tell me what I need to know. I want to break in to the General’s penthouse.”

The officer regarded him with a small smile. “Everyone’s wanting to break in. Sounds dangerous.” He said. “Although it’s safer for this city if the lot of you go and kill each other, I suppose.”

“Don’t pretend you care about this city.”

“I guess you’re right. Good boys don’t lie, after all.” Reita watched the officer reach across the table, placing his clammy hand over Reita’s. He smiled that disgusting grin of his. “I like the drama and killing, anyway. And instigating it all. I’d be bored to death without all of you idiots.”

“I’m tired of the rambling, Yamato. Are you going to tell me, or aren’t you?” Reita pulled his hand from the officers.

Yamato placed a finger to his chin. “Hmmm” He said, staring mock innocently up at the ceiling. “Should I?”

Reita lost his patience.

Reaching across the desk, he grabbed the man by his collar. He dragged him roughly so that the officer was leaning over the table, nose to nose with Reita. “Yamato. Tell. Me.” He snarled.

“I thought we were friends, Reita. Why so angry?” He smiled, unaffected. “Fine, I’ll tell you.”

Reita released him, letting him slide back down into his seat.

Yamato let his tongue trace across a chapped bottom lip. “But first, I have a question for you. It’s about that Karasu boy I mentioned earlier – this meek, mousey little thing. He had pink hair and a piercing right here,” Yamato pointed beneath his lip. “His name was Koichi. He was always so good to me. I hear he was killed by some Goddess bitch a few weeks ago in an alleyway. Left his bloody body discarded against a wall.” He let out a dramatized sigh. “I’d be _very_ upset at whoever did it. Any Idea what happened to him, dear?” 

Reita shook his head. “Not a clue.”

“Good boys don’t lie, Reita.” He smirked. “Also, I think you should try being a little nicer to me. Who knows what I could do.”

 

\----

 

Reita pulled open the door of the General’s meeting room. Based on Yamato’s instruction, Reita had entered the passcode that lead to the gap floor between the General’s penthouse, and went to his meeting room where, according to Yamato, he could swing onto the General’s balcony from the one in the meeting room. Then he’d be in. Crossing the room, Reita remembered his last encounter with General Kai, the one that ultimately led him to live here, in the Western District.

“I’ve come to trust you a lot, Akira.” Kai had told him after having him called to his office. It had been two years since Akira had joined Goddess, and he had flown through the ranks. “Not many men here have served me as faithfully as you have, even in the short time we’ve known each other.”

Akira had nodded at him, already having expected this outcome. They’d talked about it before, after all. 

“What are you going to do about your little brother?” Kai had implored. “He still doesn’t know you’re in a gang, does he?”

“No. But I suppose there’s no other choice but to tell him. He has to come with me anyway.”

“Are you nervous?” Kai had replied, lounging back against his chair, crossing his legs. “You’re such an overbearing big brother. He seems pretty capable to me. The two of you have been running your own little operations together during all this time, haven’t you? Maybe you should give him a bit more credit. Or are you that scared of him wanting to join Goddess as well?”

Akira had sighed. He knew Kouyou was capable in his own right, but his pride wouldn’t let him deviate from the idea that it was _him_ that was supposed to care for the other. He joined Goddess so that he could stay true to his promise with Hana - give Kouyou a better life, and if he stayed out of Goddess, and out of danger, that was all the better. “I don’t think I could bear to see him get hurt. Sure, he’s skilled, but being in a gang is different from anything he’s ever done before. A much higher concentration of killing. And being killed.” Akira swallowed the lump in his throat. “I almost watched him die once. I couldn’t bear to go through with that again. It’s fine so long as I’m there as his backup, but if he joins I’m sure he’d stray from me. And I don’t know if I could protect him then. ”

General Kai had nodded thoughtfully. “I’m sure the two of you will be fine. Especially if he’s half as skilled as you are.” Kai broke out into a smile. “But, are you ready to accept your assignment?”

Akira nodded.

“Good. And I think moving you to the Western District will be better for your ‘personal work’ as well. I hear you have a few leads in the city. I hope you can find what you’re looking for while you’re working on my assignment.”

Akira remembered nodding again – he certainly hoped he’d be able to find a lead or two. He’d been looking into it for what felt like ages, only to turn up with almost nothing.

“We’ll be in contact over the assignment, but it could be a while until we see each other again. Tell me if you find anything in regards to your personal mission.”

“I will.”

“Good luck. I’m confident you’ll be able to complete the task, solve any problem that gets in your way and strictly follow my orders.”

Reita smiled at the memory, specifically the last part. Obeying orders, huh? He was about to break one of the most important ones he’d been given: no direct contact with Aoi.

Reita slid open the door and found himself back out in the night air. He didn’t hesitate for even a moment as he walked over to the ledge and stood on the railing. It was a long way down, but he was already here. The trivial things couldn’t stop him, heights included. 

Reita jumped, wind ruffling his hair, and grabbed onto the lowermost bars above him. With all his strength, he climbed himself up and slung himself onto the railing above him. Crouching on the ledge, he looked up, only to be met with the sight of who he could only assume was General Aoi.

The General watched him carefully, leaning against the doors behind him as he exhaled the smoke from his cigarette. He let the cancer stick fall to the ground where he crushed it beneath his boot. “Ah, you must be Reita.”

Reita didn’t respond. He jumped from the ledge onto the balcony, and whipped his knife from the strap on his thigh. He didn’t intend on using it, but if the General got rowdy, he’d be left with no other option. 

“I was wondering when I’d finally get to meet you.” General Aoi said, soft smile curving his lips. The man was strangely calm given the situation. Reita found it unnerving. 

“I heard something interesting about you, General, –“

“Is that so, Reita?” Aoi cut in. “Because I’ve heard a few things about you myself and I was just wondering when I’d get some answers.”

“I just want to make sure it’s clear to you –“

Aoi interrupted again. “Like I’ve been wondering why you’ve been hacking into my reports, erasing your presence to make it seem as though you weren’t there –“

“ – That I’ll put a bullet in your head so fast if – “

“ – breaching confidential information – “

“ – anything happens to Uruha.“

“– But most of all I’ve been wondering what the hell business a Lieutenant of Kai’s has in _my_ complex!” He closed the gap between them. “And don’t you dare test me, Reita, Uruha is the only reason you’re still standing.”

Reita scoffed. “Funny, I could say the same about you.” His grip around his knife stiffened as the General pressed closer, his eyes as cold as the steel between his fingers. “I hear that everyone who gets involved with you ends up dead, General Aoi.”

Nerve hit. The General’s eyes softened, if only for a moment. Reita smirked. 

“It’s not my intention to hurt you – the opposite actually,” Reita raised his blade to Aoi’s throat, noting that man’s weapon wasn’t even drawn. “But if you give me a reason to, Aoi, I will slit your throat before you form a second thought. I won’t let you drag Uruha down with you. And no matter what the cost, I will make sure that he's safe. And it's just that I'm a little unsure if you're fit to be around him.”

And in a moment’s time, Reita was swinging himself back over the ledge of one balcony, and onto the ground of the other.

He’d done what he had to. The warning was set, and he hoped that that would be enough.

At the very least, it was enough to ease some of the anger in his chest over his argument with his little brother. Reita smirked, wondering what Hana would have thought of his actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if anyone hates me or not for this chapter being ENTIRELY Reita, but to make up for it. There's a rumor - and now this is only a rumor - but there is a rumor. That perhaps (this is just hearsay) Goddess will update again tomorrow. *shrugs* but who knows. I will not deny or confirm anything.
> 
> lol but how'd y'all feel about this chapter before all of that? _She_ finally has name, that's exciting, right?


	10. Comfort

“Hi Uruha.” Aoi smiled subconsciously, his nerves calming considerably at the mere sight of the blonde. He mentally chided himself for that – damn him for being too-interested in the man. 

“Hi Aoi.”

“You look tired.” Aoi replied without thinking, his hands reaching for the blonde’s sleeves as he approached. He pulled him closer so that he was standing between Aoi’s legs from where he sat on the kitchen counter.

“So do you. Rough night for the both of us, huh?”

“…Yeah.” Aoi mumbled, his eyes turning up to meet Uruha’s. It made him a bit queasy to look into the blonde’s eyes still, but he powered through it. He didn’t know what he’d do with all these romantic urges he felt upon gazing into brown orbs, but he did know that the previous night he’d made a decision and he wanted to try to see it through. Reita’s words had made him certain about a fear he’d had. He was certain that he was bad for Uruha and would only drag him down, but there was a part of him (Aoi would call that part of him selfish) (and Aoi was very selfish, what’s more selfish than starting to fall for someone you’re not ready to love – but still wanting to keep them around?) that couldn’t bear to completely rid himself of the blonde. And he wasn’t exactly comfortable with that knowledge – but if he was going to keep Uruha around, he’d at least try to have the decency to make Uruha more comfortable in their ‘relationship’. “I’m really sorry for everything.” Aoi said, still mumbling. “I’m trying really hard…you’re already so patient with me, I’m so lucky. I really am. I know I’m not the best at, erm, all of this, well, being honest about...my weaknesses. And I know I’ve hurt you. And it’s-“

“Shut up.”

“Hm?”

“You’re pitying me, aren’t you?”

Is that what Uruha thought? He didn’t really know _what_ Uruha thought Aoi felt, he began to realize. “That’s not it, I really-“

“Let’s just forget about it, Aoi. Ok? I don’t want to think about difficult things right now. I had a rough night, I don’t want to talk about difficult things and its fine.”

“Oh. Ok. Then it’s fine then.” Aoi plastered a smile onto his face. He was sure Uruha could tell it was forced, but he also knew the blonde wouldn’t ask him about it. He didn’t want to explain his hurt at being shot down anyway. After the pain he put in Uruha’s head, he didn’t think he deserved to feel hurt at all. “I have another favor to ask of you.”

“Don’t you always?”

“It’s ok. You don’t mind because I’m irresistible.” And his smile transformed into something more genuine. “Ah, but like I was saying there’s something I want you to accompany me on. I…need to visit Kai. I already messaged Lieutenant Tora and convinced him to lend us his car it’s just that, well, I haven’t left here in a long time. It would be hard alone and...”

“I’ll go with you.”

Aoi nodded, pleased. But there was a part of him that didn’t like the situation and – like the honest-about-his-negative-feelings kind of person he was trying to be – he decided to let himself blurt out without thinking “You know, I hate that I depend on you so much.”

He watched Uruha roll his eyes. “You’re goddamn stupid, Aoi. I want you to depend on me.”

 

\----

 

The car ride was relatively quiet, if not for the way Aoi’s fingers tapped nervously against the glass of the window. Uruha would have asked him to stop, but he knew it was probably the only way for the man to keep himself calm. He imagined it wasn’t an easy task for someone who hadn’t left his own damn home in four years, let alone the apartment complex, to allow himself to be driven far away from everything he’d grown accustomed too.

“Why are we here, Aoi?” Uruha tried, exiting the highway and finally venturing into more familiar territory. He recognized some of the roads from his past when he’d lived in the Eastern District and guided them in the direction of where he knew Kai lived. “Does General Kai know that we’re coming?”

Uruha saw Aoi shake his head out of the corner of his eyes. “No. He has no idea.”

Uruha noted that Aoi didn’t answer the first part of his question, but he didn’t press. The closer they got to the destination, the more the raven began to fidget; crossing and uncrossing his legs, twirling his hair around his finger, and of course the continued tapping against the window.

With a sudden surge of courage, or perhaps a sudden stab through his heart at the raven’s near pathetic state, he reached across the console and placed his hand on Aoi’s thigh. He felt the man flinch under his touch as he gave his leg a reassuring squeeze – obviously taken back by Uruha-initiated touches. That was fine. It was strange for both of them.

“Try not to worry so much, asshole.” Uruha reassured. It felt a little strange to comfort others, having almost no experience doing it. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” 

Uruha imagined that Aoi was smiling, but he didn’t look to see.

“This is it, right?” Uruha asked, turning down a residential street. Sure he was familiar with this district, but it’d been a while nonetheless. His own question, however, was answered by the sight before him. It wasn’t especially impressive, but it sure as hell stood out from the small, run down homes surrounding it. A large, white, Western style cottage smack in the middle of a bundle of poverty stricken shacks, which wouldn’t have looked _that_ bad if not for the obvious effects of wear. Some were worse than others, however, and if not for the fact that he had once lived in some of the worst ones there, it would have been hard to believe other people did.

Uruha parked the car out in front of the house, and turned to look at Aoi, who was practically trembling. 

“Does the chauffer get a tip?” Uruha said, giving Aoi’s thigh another squeeze. He tried to give the man a smile, hoping for all that it was worth that he was being good at being reliable. That’s all he wanted.

Aoi placed his hand over Uruha’s, smiling up at him for a mere moment. “Only if he’s a good boy.” And he winked.

_Cute,_ Uruha thought before he was warding the thought away. _He doesn’t really like you, he just feels bad for you. Don’t get your hopes up, he already practically rejected_ – 

Aoi got out of the car, but before he walked up to the house he leaned near Uruha’s window, which was rolled down. “Thanks for driving me here. I know I’m a bit nervous. I don’t know. I just find it difficult to talk to people.”

“I know.”

“I’ll be fine though.”

“I know.”

“So I hope you enjoy waiting out here.”

“Hurry up and go, Aoi, you’re wasting my time.”

Aoi smiled at the blonde. “Thank you Uruha.” And then he was gone. Uruha smiled a little himself, pleased that whatever revelation Aoi seemed to have the previous night set them back on the path of normalcy. He wanted to be more than Aoi’s friend, he’d already accepted that, but perhaps he could get comfortable like this too, supporting and joking with the man no matter what their title was.

 

\----

 

“What a pleasant surprise.” Kai smiled, opening the door to his home and gesturing Aoi in. He led Aoi into a living room, the man trailing behind his past friend in his now-unfamiliar home.

A nostalgic smile made its way onto Aoi’s lips. There were a lot of good memories made in this house – memories that were now painful.

“I honestly didn’t expect you to show up here any time soon, if at all. Sit down.” And Aoi did as instructed, sitting down in the chair gestured to him. Kai sat down himself, although on the couch opposite of him, a coffee table between them. There was a large window behind Kai, and Aoi told himself it was that brightness that caused him to avert his eyes away from his fellow General. “So I suppose, this isn’t just a tea date between old friends, is it?”

“No. It isn’t.” Aoi swallowed, crossing his hands in his lap. “I met your subordinate yesterday. Or rather, he burst into my home and threatened my life.”

Kai paused, sighing. “Oh that.”

“Yeah that. What is he doing in my complex, Kai?”

Kai nibbled at his bottom lip, seemingly turning something over in his head. After a moment, he spoke. “You weren’t supposed to find out. The Boss doesn’t trust you after all that happened…” He picked up a teacup from the table and took a sip before continuing. “The Boss was originally going to send one of their own and, if the conclusion was that it was necessary, assassinate you. With everything that went on, I worried that The Boss’s choice wouldn’t make a fair assessment and so I offered to send in my own man and…”

“And I suppose putting your own assassin in my complex instead was your brilliant idea of protecting me?”

Aoi watched the brunette’s brow furor. “It’s not like that!”

“Then what’s it like?” Aoi said, glaring up at Kai.

“They originally weren’t interested in keeping you around at all, Aoi! I had to convince them and using Reita as your babysitter was the only way they’d let that happen. Your stunt from a few years ago put you in a pretty tough position, and while you’ve been hiding yourself away I’ve been the only one here to defend you! They _still_ sometimes have trouble trusting you and your intentions. I’ve been doing all that I could, from meetings with The Boss’s direct underlings, to practically _begging_. These are the best circumstances I’ve been able to manage.”

“I get a knife held to my throat, but you make it sound like it’s _you_ that’s been put through a lot.”

“You’re acting like a brat!”

“I suppose I should be kissing your ass, should I?”

“I forgot you had such a horrible temper.”

“Well then let me jog your memory.” Aoi growled. “I want him out of my complex. I don’t want him there and I don’t need you meddling in my affairs. Anything the boss decides, I’ll deal with myself.”

Kai regarded Aoi calmly, setting his teacup down on the table. It irritated him a little bit, how cool he always was in the midst of Aoi’s emotional outbursts. He was always like that, no matter how angry or upset Aoi got. 

“If I let that happen you’ll end up dead. Anyone The Boss decides should die, does. No arguments. No fighting back.”

Aoi bit his lip, trying to tame his temper.

“I’m not letting that happen to you. No matter what you think, you’re still the same friend to me you’ve always been. You’re still the same Aoi we found in that back alley.”

“Don’t bring up the past here.” Aoi said, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. Damn his sensitivity – even the vaguest mention of times before could drag him from anger to sorrow in an instant. “It’s over.”

Kai, much to Aoi’s regret, disregarded his request. “No it isn’t. How is it over when it effects everything you do? Every decision you make?”

Aoi began to stand. So did Kai.

“They’d want you to be happy, Aoi. _He’d_ want you to be happy.” Kai started, walking after Aoi as he began to make his exit.

“Kai stop!”

“No, Aoi. You’ve been running for too damn long I don’t want you to have to do this anymore. I know what it feels like.”

“No you don’t.” Aoi snapped around, snarling. How could he possibly understand all that he’d been through? He hadn’t been there on that night. It had been him. And him only.

“I was alone too, Aoi. I know not in the way that you were, but I was alone too.”

“I don’t want-“

“-To talk about it? Don’t you think you’ve been doing enough avoiding, Aoi? It’s been four years already! You’ve been avoiding this and avoiding me and – dammit – I know it wasn’t the same for me but I loved them too!”

Aoi fought back against his eyes watering. He’d never seen Kai show so much emotion. 

“I didn’t have anyone who understood what I went through. Everyone from that time was dead except for you and I couldn’t even have _that_!” Kai continued. “What happened to you, Aoi? Why did you disappear like that? There was no one I could go to, and in the middle of it all I just wanted to help but you shut me out the way you did to _everyone_. And… And I just want to know why.”

And Aoi bit his bottom lip – a feeble attempt at keeping it from trembling. He watched Kai swallow and take a breath, obviously trying to calm himself. His smile was missing when he looked into Aoi’s eyes. 

“I know it didn’t happen the way everyone thinks it did. I know it wasn’t your fault – I Just want to see you start to believe that too.”

“Kai, I don’t–“ 

“You deserve to move on. He’d want you to move on so just…please let yourself be happy.”

Aoi swallowed. “I don’t…think I can do that.”

 

\----

 

Uruha sighed and drug his hand through his hair. How long had he been there? Twenty minutes? Thirty? Lucky for him, despite the various people that had walked by, come out of their respective houses, or had just been generally hanging around none of them had recognized him. Lucky, because he and Reita had run some pretty elaborate scams on a lot of the people there. He grimaced. _Reita._

He didn’t have much time to lament about his past friend, however, because when he looked up it was to the sight of Aoi slamming Kai’s front door behind him as he marched down the pathway looking…a bit off.

Uruha got out of the car, closing it behind him and as Aoi approached, it became clearer what was so ‘off’ as the man got closer.

Immediately and without thinking, Uruha enveloped Aoi in a hug. Really, he didn’t know what had gotten into him. Usually he’d never be so bold, but something about the sight of Aoi’s cheeks flushed red as tears streamed down his face nullified any sense of embarrassment in him. He couldn’t think of that then. He just needed to hold and hug and comfort. And that’s what he did, practically sitting against the hood of Tora’s car. 

A moment into the hug, Uruha felt Aoi’s hands grasp at his arms, his neck becoming wet with the General’s tears.

“Why did we come here?” Uruha tried again, holding Aoi tight to his chest. He felt so small in his arms.

The General pulled away, but not far. “I-I thought I could be b-better.” He hiccupped. “I thought I could start t-to face things but...” Aoi shook his head, words losing him. “I can’t. I can’t, Uruha. I can’t do it. I wanted to be better for me, and I wanted to be better for you and I wanted t-to maybe…I don’t know…It’s too hard.”

The blonde smoothed his fingers through Aoi’s hair, tucking dark strands behind his ears. He didn’t think he had the words to comfort the General, but he didn’t need them. His hand traveled further down until it was at the back of Aoi’s neck and he pulled him forward.

He was half expecting rejection at his moment of impulsion, but to his surprise Aoi didn’t pull away. He didn’t jump back. He didn’t push. And in the next moment Uruha’s lips were pressed against Aoi’s, cold and wet with tears. Sighing into the kiss, he let his mouth move against Aoi’s tenderly, careful as though anything more would break the man, one hand at the nape of his neck, the other brushing tears away from his cheek. Their lips met again and again, tender every time and Uruha hoped the man could feel the comfort he couldn’t give with words as those plush lips enveloped his. Uruha couldn’t help but smile slightly when he pulled away. 

_Just as soft as I always tried not to imagine._

“Idiot, you don’t have to have it all figured out.” He ran his fingers through dark hair, his heart breaking at the sight of the man before him; biting the inside of his cheek and fighting to choke back tears. “Shh. It’s ok, Aoi. It’s ok.”

Aoi buried his face back into the crook of Uruha’s neck, his breath coming out in short puffs. “It isn’t. None of this is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it only took 10 chapters for them to finally kiss...LMAO IM HORRIBLE. idk but, personally, i enjoy really slow pacing in fics, maybe others do too? Idk.
> 
> Anyway I really love writing from Aoi's pov - that emotional mess - again. He needs to get his shit together (he's trying now, at least) lol but so much mystery. I'm so antsy for Aoi's backstory chapter, like damn, when am I finally going to be able to tell y'all everything?
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed! Tell me your thoughts, if you want. If not, thats cool too I still love you regardless.


	11. My Savior

Reita ripped open the door of his apartment. Without a moment of haste, he sped to Uruha’s room and burst through the door. He grabbed the man by the collar and shook – probably harder than necessary but he had no time to think about that. Not with the situation at hand.

When groggy eyes finally met with his, Uruha hissed. “Get the fuck off of me unless you want to die.”

Reita ignored that, not even having time to be hurt at the sincerity of it. “Aoi. Is. Gone.”

“What? Gone?”

“Kidnapped. He’s gone and we need to go _now_ unless you want to bury him.” Reita barked. He didn’t particularly like the man, but he could only imagine the wrath Kai would unleash upon him if Aoi died under his guard. And despite the shaky situation he and Uruha were in, they were a team. This wasn’t something he could pull off on his own. He knew Uruha would understand that.

Or thought he would, at least.

Reita found himself a little taken aback. He saw it, the uncharacteristic flash of panic in Uruha’s eyes before he spoke up, pushing himself from his bed immediately. “Take me to him.”

Reita never knew Uruha to worry about others, and he never knew him to want to fight for anyone other than himself. He wondered what kind of relationship he and General Aoi had.

When Uruha stood up and grabbed his gun it wasn’t for Reita, it was for the General.

\----

Aoi shook his head, cursing himself. How could he have let himself fall into this situation? He should have known – he _could have_ known if he hadn’t been distracted, Uruha’s kiss having haunted him the entire ride home and all the way through the complexes parking garage. That’s where he had been grabbed, a pair of strong hands pinning his arms while another man he could barely catch a glimpse of knocked him out. Uruha had been on the other side of the garage and Aoi had been far out of his line of sight.

He knew he couldn’t have been angry at the blonde, though. What he did to him – the kiss they shared – should not have affected him to the point where he left himself open to attack.

And yet it had.

And there he was, paying for it; blindfolded and handcuffed and sitting on some kind of couch, Aoi assumed. He really wasn’t sure. What he did know was that his attackers were practically making a mockery of him. He could hear it – loud music all around him, laughs and jokes. It was almost as if he was in the middle of some sort of party – that’s what he’d woken up to, the blackness behind his blindfold not giving way too much information beyond what he heard.

And when it came to what he heard, no one was talking to him or even _about_ him. He imagined he was some sort of garnishment, silently decorating the room. Or perhaps something to be discarded, sitting quietly in the corner of it. It was hard to tell.

It went on like that for a long while, Aoi sitting silently wherever he was, not daring to move around more than what was necessary. He risked tugging at his restraints a few times – just to test them – and they’d proven sturdy – steel and locked tightly into place. They weren’t moving without any help, he decided, smoothing his fingers over his thighs – one of the only movements he could make with his hands as they were. The longer he sat the more helpless Aoi felt. If only he had his vision. Then maybe he could do _something_.

His prayer was answered soon enough. He flinched, feeling the heat of someone’s fingers sweep through his hair. “So this is him?” He heard a voice ask.

“Yeah.” Someone responded. “Didn’t put up half as much of a fight as we’d thought.”

The fingers ran through his locks, all the way down to the base of his neck. Once there, they untied the knot of the cloth around his eyes and discarded it. Aoi blinked slowly, thankful that the light of the room was dull. He looked up, met with the sight of an unfamiliar face. The face smiled.

“Good evening, Aoi, I have heard so much about you.”

Aoi stared blankly at him, and then around him. He was right. He was at some sort of party – a private room in a bar perhaps, people dancing and drinking all around them, neon lights bathing them in purple, then red, then blue.

The man cleared his throat, gaining back Aoi’s attention. “I guess I’m being rude, hm? Haven’t even introduced myself...”

“I don’t care.”

The man blinked. “You don’t--?”

“Care.”

“He’s one cocky little fuck, isn’t he?” The man asked to the one he’d presumably been talking to beforehand. The other man had a mask on, concealing his face, but Aoi could tell he was smirking behind it. “I suppose, though, that I’ll just have to make you care. I’m Die. Karasu’s boss.”

Aoi’s eyes widened. _Shit._ He thought. He was in deep. And there was no way to escape.

“I think he cares now.” The masked man singsonged.

“I have to admit,” Die began. “I’m not sure what I can do with you. You were a bit of a surprise, you see – a gift, rather.”

“Don’t know what you _can_ do? Aren’t you the boss?”

“I still have someone I answer to.” He licked his lips, in thought. “Well, she’s someone whose opinion I value, more like.”

Aoi took a long glance around the room again. It looked like any regular room at a private party. There was a good mixture of women, too – probably not Karasu members – but Aoi had to assume that at least a handful of the men at the bar were loaded. There were two doors on either end, each seeming about just as difficult to make it to. Aoi looked back at Die, smiling this time. “Why not just kill me now? What else is there you could decide?”

“Oh, trust me, I would love to kill you. And I’m going to.” He smirked. “Soon. But for now, why don’t you just enjoy the party. I’ll fetch the woman I mentioned earlier, and we can go somewhere more private after that.”

Die turned, leaving Aoi to watch his figure thread through crowds of people before finally disappearing behind the door to his right. He would not be going that way should he have the chance. He looked up at the masked man that had stayed behind to watch him, and he shot him a smirk before he surveyed the room once more. The door on the other side of the room; what separated Aoi from it was the other end of the L shaped couch he was on, a dance floor, and two bouncers. The couch was against the wall, if he moved along it he wouldn’t have to worry about covering his back. And if he thought about it, it really wasn’t all that far of a walk in the first place. He made eye contact with a random partier and smiled, their eyes meeting for just a moment. 

Aoi was struck with an idea – the best one he could manage in this situation. He was dead if he let Die come back, he knew that, and so he would have to execute his plan before that. There was just one thing missing from the equation – one thing that could make or break his escape plane.

Aoi looked down in his lap and tugged at his restraints once more, his eyes flickering up to the man watching him. The masked man leaned over him and nearly whispered.

“It’s cute. It’s almost like you think you can escape.”

“Maybe I can. Maybe I have someone here to help me...” Aoi purposely let his eyes meet the random partier’s once more. As if on que, the masked man spun around, trying to see who the General was looking at, hand on his gun. 

Aoi’s smirk widened into a grin. He swung his arms over the masked man’s head. He pressed his knee into his back hard and brought his arms taught as he pulled them towards his own body. The chain of his cuffs pressed against the man’s neck and he revealed in the choking sounds the man was making, but not for very long. In an instant, a man from across the bar had his weapon trained on him, drunk dancers dodging for cover. Six. That’s how many weapons were aimed at him, Aoi noted, eyes darting around the room. They were all over, it seemed.

Aoi tsked. This was obviously going to be more difficult than expected.

He watched the posture of one of the Karasu men shift – a sure sign that he was about to pull the trigger of his gun – Aoi snapped his captive’s body so it was between him and the man. He smirked when he noticed him stand down.

“Don’t anyone move.” Aoi said, high on adrenaline and out of breath, doubting anyone could even hear him over the music. He had no idea how he would make it out of this situation. Clearly outnumbered, and cuffed. No – the odds were not at all in his favor, and he only became more aware of that as the masked man tugged at Aoi’s arms and then kicked behind him, taking Aoi by surprise and causing him to stumble.

“ _Shit_ ” Aoi cursed, pain shooting through his ankle as it twisted at an unnatural angle. He fell to the side, watching the masked man break from his hold and reach for his weapon. His pistol was halfway drawn when a shot sounded.

Aoi’s head snapped across the bar a second before his own body hit the floor and he smiled – Uruha. The familiar blonde was standing halfway across the dance floor, gun drawn, appearance calm and confident in the middle of screaming civilians. He didn’t know how he didn’t notice the man before. Maybe he’d just gotten there?

Aoi rolled to the side when he hit the ground, quickly managing to flip over the coffee table in front of him and take cover behind it, the masked man bleeding out beside him thanks to Uruha.

He reached for the masked man’s body, quickly patting him down. He grinned, finding what he was looking for in the corpse’s pocket; the key to his cuffs. He fumbled to unlock them as quickly as he could, and when he looked up, it was to Reita standing next to him. Roughly, the blonde pulled him to his feet and as soon as he was standing he was realizing that it wasn’t the best idea for him to be doing so.

“Fuck” Aoi grimaced and fell against the edge of the table to hold himself up. He looked down at his ankle, already swelling and obviously sprained. When he looked up again, it was to Uruha walking across the dance floor, the bodies of the Karasu men soaking in pools of blood around the room. Aoi surveyed them – no, none of them were Die. Before he had the chance to say it, Reita spoke for him.

“We need to get the hell out of here.”

\----

Reita cursed, trailing behind Uruha and Aoi. Uruha had Aoi in his arms, piggybacking him through back alleys towards the complex.

Reita could have laughed, really. He might have laughed if Uruha, in his haste, had completely ignored his pleas to go to the parking garage for his bike and instead sprinted to the club Aoi was at to run their little rescue operation. Now his legs hurt. His legs hurt and he was both tired and paranoid, fingers ghosting against his knife pouch as he covered the two men from behind. They couldn’t be certain no one would come for them. They had to be alert and they had to be smart.

Unfortunately, smart meant taking back roads to the complex – elongating their journey to it.

He looked up at Uruha, hunched over and panting heavily from carrying the General. 

He supposed he could have it worse.

The blonde hadn’t spoken to him the whole way, instead opting to speak in hushed tones with the General. And Reita was confused, if anything by the affection in it.

He never knew Uruha to be affectionate. It was a little…gross – gross, and perplexing.

He saw Uruha glance at him, and then turn back around. He whispered to Aoi, low but loud enough that Reita could pick up the words. “You don’t seem that uncomfortable around him…have you met before?”

The blonde went stiff. If Aoi didn’t already tell him about their little ‘confrontation’ he supposed he’d be outted now. And he could only picture Uruha’s rage – especially since he was angry with him in the first place. 

He waited for the curses to begin spewing out of his mouth, for the angry grimace, for the accusations; but they never came. 

Had General Aoi lied for him? Maybe he wasn’t as bad as Reita thought.

He shook his head. One simple lie wouldn’t win him over. He was still dangerous, Reita needed to remember.

They walked quietly for some time until Uruha glanced over his shoulder again. “Move faster, Reita, you’re falling behind.”

He smiled in response, gladly picking up his pace. Simple as the statement was, Uruha was speaking to him. He was tired of being angry at Uruha, and maybe the blonde felt the same way. Maybe forgiveness was on the horizon, despite Uruha’s usually unyielding stubbornness.

They were five blocks from the complex when Reita realized he didn’t know if he was blessed or cursed. A car pulled beside them, fancy and foreign and familiar. Reita cursed again.

The window rolled down, and Reita watched General Kai smile at Uruha and Aoi. “Get in.” He offered kindly before his eyes flickered to Reita’s – still smiling but with a hard edge in his eyes, one that you wouldn’t notice if you didn’t know what to look for. It was a look he sought to avoid.

Reita opened the car door and slid in the passenger’s seat, Uruha did the same to the back, having Aoi shimmy himself inside. It was a little awkward, and there were a few groans here and there when his ankle was touched or moved, but they managed.

Kai started the car and Reita could tell this wasn’t going to go well.

“Hi Uruha. Good to see you again so soon, Aoi.” Kai said. Reita saw Aoi give a small nod in the rear view mirror, but he didn’t reply otherwise. He also saw him reach to hold the blonde’s hand. “I went to the complex to look for Reita, but as it turns out none of you were there. Lieutenant Tora said you left in a rush, may I ask what happened?”

General Aoi didn’t reply, and Reita smirked at that. Real quiet when Kai was around, huh?

As Kai pulled away from the curb, Reita replied in his stead. “Karasu attacked him at the complex. I found out about it, and lead Uruha with me to help retrieve him.”

Kai smiled at him, but he could tell the General wasn’t completely impressed. _Dammit,_ Reita thought. He knew Kai had come to punish him, and he had been hoping that this would’ve been enough to get him off his case. He was apparently wrong. 

“Good work, Lieutenant.” 

The blonde cringed.

He already knew what was coming.

Uruha’s deadly whisper behind him came as no surprise. _“Luitenant?”_

“Uruha—“ He tried to explain - to give the fellow blonde _some_ kind of explanation for himself.

Kai was smiling the whole time.

“No.” Uruha interjected. “You said you’d been in the gang a month or so before you told me, how could you have made it to Lieutenant in that time? How long have you been lying to me?”

Kai pulled the car over in front of the complex.

“Reita, I can’t believe you!”

“Uru—“

“No. Shut up, Reita, I don’t want to hear it. I shouldn’t have even _thought_ about forgiving you.” Uruha paused and took a breath before he continued. “I’m going to move my stuff out of your apartment and I hope I never have to see you again.”

Reita turned around to look at Uruha’s face. “What?”

“I’m going to live with Aoi.” He declared, squeezing General Aoi’s hand for extra emphasize.

“Huh?” General Aoi asked.

Reita echoed it.

“You heard me. I’m tired of seeing your fucking face and so I’ll live with Aoi instead.”

That left Reita at a loss for words. General Aoi too, but for different reasons Reita assumed.

His fellow blonde swung the door open, Aoi following out after him, and he did his best at storming away with Aoi’s arm draped over his shoulder.

Reita would have laughed if he didn’t feel as dumb as Uruha looked. He watched in silence as the pair disappeared between the complexes doors.

“That didn’t go well.” Kai chimed, stretching out his arms, smiling of course.

Reita sighed, his brows furrowing. “I know you talked with General Aoi. I know you came to punish me for what I did and...telling Uruha the truth about me must serve as enough of a punishment for the Aoi thing, right?”

“I knew you kept secrets, but how could I possibly know you kept _that_ many?” Kai chuckled. “You disobeyed me, Reita. Once I think up something proper, I’ll be sure to punish you more fittingly for your defiance.” 

“Don’t you feel bad for me at all, Kai?”

“Not even a little bit.” He giggled. “I assigned you here to protect Aoi, and you damn near do the exact opposite! The way things are going, I need to be sure I can trust you to do your job. I never had to doubt you before, Lieutenant, and it pisses me off that I have to now.”

Reita felt himself growing angry, but he buried it. There was no use mouthing off at Kai. He didn’t exactly feel like dying that day. As evenly as possible, he spoke. “You don’t trust me? I would never compromise my job, but someone like him getting involved with my little brother is a little bit concerning. I merely confronted him about his intentions.”

“Someone like him? There’s a lot you don’t understand about Aoi, Lieutenant, and you’re not even interested in learning.” The brunette scoffed. “And simple confrontations don’t involve knives.”

Reita thought for a moment. He still wouldn’t like Aoi, but he was curious by nature and more information on him couldn’t hurt anything. “Should I be interested?” 

“You didn’t address the second part.” Kai laughed again. “Anyway, you’re spared for now. I need you here in top condition. I can’t be here myself, so I need someone skilled to be here in my place. All the shit Karasu has been pulling lately, I need someone I can trust around.”

“You can trust me.” The blonde assured. He worked hard for his spot as Kai’s Lieutenant and he didn’t want to lose it. For his little brother’s safety he was willing to jeopardize that place, but it still wasn’t his intention to lose it. “Still, it’s surprising to see them go this far. The level of balls, skill and knowledge it must’ve taken to pull some shit like this off still baffles me. They had to have been watching the complex for at least a day or two.” Reita stiffened. He was struck with a thought - he should have noticed earlier. “Fuck.”

Kai regarded him curiously, silently urging him to continue.

“If they were there waiting after he got back, they had to have known he left in the first place.” Reita mumbled.

“They were watching before that, you’re saying? That doesn’t make any sense, there’s no way they could have reached Aoi without that stroke of luck of him happening to leave the complex. He hadn’t left in over four years, they had no reason to be there.”

Reita chewed at his bottom lip for a moment. This wasn’t making sense. “Unless they were planning on getting into his penthouse before that.”

Kai laughed. “No one knows how to do that. Aside from you.”

Reita stared off into space for a moment, mind racing to catch up with the realization he was having. He was a mix of emotions, ranging from pure rage, to baffled emptiness. His eyes snapped up to meet Kai’s, finally finding himself able to speak. “Fuck, Kai, I have to go. I have to see someone.”

“Reita – hey wait!”

But Kai’s calls were to no avail, Reita was already out of the car and sprinting towards the police station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If everything continues on according to my outline, we're half way there guys. Can you believe it?
> 
> lol I'm always happy to hear your thoughts feelings and theories, so comment if you want.
> 
> I hope you're excited for more <3 Because the next chapter will be super interesting (and hopefully easier to write)


	12. Who He Is

Uruha looked down at the sight before him and he couldn’t contain his smile – hardly even tried to, really. He threaded his fingers through Aoi’s hair, the other man nuzzling into the touch despite being fast asleep, head resting on Uruha’s lap as they sat on the couch.

The flat screen mounted on the wall played before them, completely forgotten by the two men, the drama unfolding on the TV mere background noise. Nighttime painted Aoi’s penthouse in varying shades of blue – rich and dark aside from the light of the television. It was comfortable. The past week and a half had been gleefully uneventful, most of his time spent lazing around with Aoi, nursing the man through his injury (although Uruha had a feeling that the man was milking it – there was no way someone of Aoi’s status could possibly be so damn helpless, sprained ankle or not.)

Uruha was thankful, more than anything. Aoi had been warry accepting Uruha into his home at first, but he had done it despite the obvious awkwardness surrounding it (not that he didn’t try to play it off). Uruha didn’t mind that, however. It was different now. It was obvious the blonde had a chance with him now (although, besides the General’s brief moments of indulgence, he didn’t show it often) and Uruha had fully given in to his desperation for the other man. Twirling a midnight lock behind a pale ear, Uruha chuckled, staring down at Aoi’s peaceful, sleeping face. This is what he wanted. Aoi was what he wanted. And he was ready – finally ready – to do anything to make the man his. Even if it meant waiting out his moods.

Uruha carded his hand through Aoi’s hair again, watching the man stir beneath his touch. The General let out a groan, his face scrunching up with a yawn as his eyes flickered open. He glared at Uruha and whined “You woke me up.”

“Did not.” Uruha whispered, still playing with the man’s hair. Aoi stretched, response abandoned, and settled for frowning off into the distance. Uruha couldn’t help but giggle (a manly giggle, dammit) at Aoi’s childishness. It was an unexpected trait that the blonde found endearing. “Grumpy tonight, huh?”

“Name one person who isn’t when they wake up from a nap and I’ll forgive you.”

Uruha giggled, still playing with the man’s hair. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d been more content. “So what’s for dinner tonight?” He asked the grumpy man.

“I’d make you an omelet, but you see, my ankle it’s…”

“Liar,” Uruha whispered, leaning over Aoi’s face, so close their noses were almost touching. Kisses, as a matter of fact, were rare and never spoken of after the fact. And were often avoided. Uruha let his fingers brush against Aoi’s cheek, and the man’s eyes were even slipping closed – obviously ready for what would come next. Uruha leaned in close, almost certain that he would kiss Aoi too, but pulled away moments before that happened.

Hell, Aoi had been teasing him for months, it was his turn dammit. 

“Fine, I’ll make you something, princess.” Uruha slid from his spot under the General. “Bet I make a better omelet than you anyway.”

“Bet your bullshitting.”

Uruha merely smiled, feeling Aoi’s eyes on him as he moved to the kitchen. He’d been laboring over the stove for all of five minutes when he felt arms wrap around him from behind. He hummed, nuzzling into the touch.

“I’m really happy you’re here with me.” Aoi whispered, head buried in the juncture of the blonde’s neck. “I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea at first, but I really, really am finding I love having you here.” Uruha could feel a smile against his neck. “Also, I want pancakes too. Breakfast for dinner is the best.”

The blonde laughed, not turning around as Aoi left him. He had enough ammo to tease the man with as it was, and so he decided the fact that Aoi could at least limp on his own without help would be something he’d leave forgotten.

\----

Reita gritted his teeth, frowning at the mass of carnage in front of him.

He didn’t feel bad, though. The man had practically asked for death. Reita only wanted to ask the fuck a few questions, after all. He promised he’d let him live if he answered truthfully and he hadn’t believed him. Foolish.

And maybe the scene was messier than usual. And maybe that was because Reita was frustrated.

The blonde fished a cigarette pack from his pockets with bloody fingers, lit the cancer stick between his lips and took a long drag.

He’d been trying to find Yamato for days now, the officer having gone into hiding. Through his search for him he’d ran into various dead ends, various Karasu, and various unwilling, even unrelenting Goddess higher-ups who refused to give away even an inkling of information.

He was standing in front of the body of one of them now. A direct servant to the boss who had been more than accommodating until he reveled he wanted information on Yamato, even after he informed the Goddess official that he suspected Yamato was behind the recent kidnapping. He’d attacked Reita, and the blonde had retaliated. 

Both Karasu and Goddess seemed to go to great lengths to protect Yamato, and Reita could not figure out why. He’d betrayed both gangs countless times, and even though he understood that relationships between the gangs and the police were important, he couldn’t fathom what it was that made Yamato worth protecting.

Reita took another drag of his cigarette, exhaling the smoke with a sigh. He had a scene to clean up and now tracks to cover. He frowned. Looking for Yamato was cutting into his ‘personal project’ and so he’d prefer to get the whole ordeal over with as quickly as he could.

He couldn’t deny it was an interesting case to follow, though. As time went on it became more obvious that there was something going on under the surface of this all. There was a lot he didn’t know about Goddess, and a lot he intended to find out.

\----

Uruha rolled over in bed. Aoi had offered his spare room to him, and it came equipped with a king sized bed perfect for Uruha to toss anxiously on. Uruha had begun to wonder – really he had been wondering for a long while, but not this intensely – he’d begun to wonder about Aoi’s life – his past.

The evening before, he had been sitting behind Aoi as he worked away on his computer. Suddenly, he shut the monitor off, still facing away from the blonde.

Immediately, Uruha had stood from where he lay and made his way over to the raven. He wrapped his arms around the man, and nuzzled into his face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Aoi answered, and it was surprisingly convincing. There wasn’t anything at all wrong. “I’m just done working for now, I think.”

The blonde pressed a kiss into Aoi’s hair and heard the raven exhale at the action.

“I was thinking, though” Aoi started. “About how different things are now. Before, I used to get really upset about the past. But now, I can’t help but think it was really fun, the times I had. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, asshole. What does that have to do with me?”

“Everything.” Aoi had replied. The general cleared his throat, probably looking nervous not that Uruha could tell from his position. “I’d been thinking this ever since Yamato visited, but, um. When he mentioned that thing about a death wish, you didn’t question it. Just jumped right into defending me. I thought it was a little strange and um…you know, don’t you?”

The blonde sighed, his fingers caressing Aoi’s sides. He knew exactly what the man was referring to – the scene Tora had described to him all that time ago. “Yeah. I know.”

“Ok.” Aoi nodded. “Ok.”

And they had left it at that.

Uruha was an understanding man (when it came to Aoi at least) but the wondering and the waiting was getting to him. Aoi was obviously (very slowly) opening up, but Uruha couldn’t help but wonder how damn long it would take.

The blonde was also having his own thoughts about his own past – Reita and _her_ : Hana, that was. 

Uruha shivered. It had been so long since he even _thought_ that name. The blonde had stopped fighting it – the thoughts of Hana. He missed her. It was something he could admit now, he missed her thoroughly. He’d been through a lot in his younger days, but like Aoi had found, he couldn’t help but think it was really fun (a lot of it, at least). It was those years that shaped who he was. And maybe Aoi could help him come to terms with all that happened then.

He began to wonder if he could tell Aoi about his past. And the more he considered it, the more he decided he wanted the man to know. Hell, maybe it would even inspire Aoi to talk about his own past. 

Uruha hoped so.

Focusing on reality rather than his thoughts, Uruha noted he couldn’t hear the sound of the shower from the room across the hall anymore. About the very instant that registered in his mind, a soft tap echoed against his door and soon Aoi was pulling it open – yes, clad in nothing but a towel. Uruha gulped. He tried his hardest not to stare.

“I’m out the shower in case, you know, you want to hop in.”

“Thanks” Uruha answered quickly. Hoping Aoi would leave quickly. To his relief, he did just that, flashing Uruha a small smile beforehand.

As Uruha crossed the hall to the bathroom, shed his clothes and stood under the spray of the water he recognized that he hadn’t gotten any in a disgustingly long amount of time. 

Uruha was a man, dammit, and men had needs. As the water pelted his body, he thought of Aoi, body wet as rivulets of water traced lines of taught muscle and supple curves. He thought of his pale neck, exposed and enticing as his wet hair was swept away from his nape - tied in a neat ponytail.

He thought of Aoi joining him in the shower and he felt his body getting hot.

Uruha reached down to his growing arousal and began to stroke, his eyes shutting as his fantasy came to life.

He imagined his supple body beneath the spray with him, his hands roaming over it, grabbing and holding and squeezing. He bet Aoi would look beautiful under his touch – squirming and holding on to Uruha as he gasped out. He bet his name would sound incredible tumbling past those plush lips. That’s what Uruha really wanted to hear – and he would do anything to achieve that – to bring Aoi so close to edge of pleasure that he was verging on desperate for the blonde.

Uruha wanted all of him. He wanted everything. In his own way he wanted to give himself to the man too, submit completely to the feelings Aoi managed to put in his heart. He wanted complete trust, he wanted to have the man beneath him. He wanted Aoi, Aoi, Aoi _”Aoi!”_

Arching off the shower wall, Uruha shuddered and moaned.

\----

“Shit!” Reita slammed his fist into the wall. He felt like he was _this_ close to finding Yamato and yet every clue he got lead him to a dead end. This time, quite literally. He had been waiting there for hours on the supposed tip that someone would meet him to talk about who he sought.

He had been just about ready to leave, turning down to walk from where he stood, when he saw a figure appear around the corner. Reflexively, he pulled out his knife, feeling it never hurt to be prepared for a fight.

“Relax.” He heard the figure say as it got closer and clearer. The voice was familiar, as was the man. 

Lieutenant Tora.

“Didn’t expect to see you here.” Reita said, knife still drawn. He watched Tora toss him some half assed smile and nod.

“Didn’t expect you to get yourself involved in this Yamato mess.”

Reita hummed. He was ready to get information, he was tired of waiting and he was hopeful that the Lieutenant had something good for him.

“So, what do you know Tora?” 

The lieutenant shifted – nervous. “I… had some pretty, uh, interesting origins and, well. I’ve noticed a few strange things like I’m sure you have. And the more sense it starts to make, it’s almost like it gets _that_ much more unclear at the same time.”

Reita nodded, urging him to continue. He slipped his knife back in the pouch.

“Ultimately, I’ve given up on looking into it. My allegiance is with the boss – with Goddess – no matter what that means. But still…”

“But still?”

“But still, you have to admit there’s something strange going on around here.” Tora swallowed. “I work pretty closely with the Boss, hell, I’m one of the only people that even knows what the Boss _looks_ like. And, well, I don’t hear much, but I’ve been able to eavesdrop in on a word or two from the Boss…I thought I could help this way…”

“Do you know where Yamato is?”

Tora met eyes with his. “I have an idea.”

\----

Uruha watched Aoi slide open the glass doors and step out onto the balcony – his limp healed to just a slight gait at that point. He had a coffee mug in his hand and held it outstretched for the blonde. Uruha took the cup with a small thank you as Aoi sipped from his own. Coffee on the balcony had become a morning ritual for the two men, usually spent in complete silence. This time, however, things were a little different; beginning with the fact that Aoi walked right up to the blonde and leaned his head against his shoulder as he sipped.

“You’re really warm.” Aoi mumbled, still sounding just a tad bit sleepy. “It just keeps getting colder and colder, Uruha, I can’t take it.”

“Lemme share your bed at night, then. I’ll keep you warm.” Uruha winked, utterly proud of his flirtatious quip. He’d put Aoi out of business if he kept this up.

The shorter man scoffed. “Yeah, right.”

The two spent a long while in comfortable silence. Just feeling each other’s warmth as they stood close together looking over the city. Uruha didn’t think he could be this relaxed around anyone. It was something like a miracle, probably.

As Uruha gazed down unto the city bellow, he was struck with a memory.

The blonde took a deep breath. “Do you want to hear a story?”

“Go ahead.” Aoi urged. And Uruha knew somewhere deep down that now was the only time he could ever be ready for this.

“My name is Kouyou.”

 

_”We’d grown up down there. On the city streets.”_

_“You and Reita?”_

_“Me, him, and Hana.”_

 

Kouyou had been six years old when he first met them in the orphanage. The other boy never knew it, but Akira’s missing-toothed smile and offer of friendship had been what got him through the night. The next morning when the bigger boy took Kouyou’s hand and practically hauled him to the other side of the orphanage, Kouyou could feel himself becoming genuinely happy – something that felt unfamiliar to the boy.

He saw her – sitting there on her bunkbed and knew immediately that she would be someone extraordinarily important in his life.

Kouyou was crying – crying at the mention of his real family, but even from the briefest encounters with the pair he knew that they would care for him more genuinely than his parents ever had.

 

_“My family…Wasn’t ideal.”_

_“No?”_

_“No. But they were. Hana and Akira were.”_

 

Kouyou was seven years old when Hana suggested it. They were sitting in the orphanage’s laundry room, a spot where they’d sneak to assemble after they were supposed to be in bed.

“They don’t feed us enough here.” Hana had said, eliciting whisper-yelled whoops of agreement and fits of giggles. “Be serious, you two.” She scolded. Earning even more giggles. “I think we deserve more. I think the three of us can _get_ more.”

“How?” Akira had asked, knuckle deep in his own nose.

“We’re going to start sneaking out. We’re going to start stealing our own food.”

“But that’s wrong, Hana!” Kouyou protested. Always the goody two shoes.

Hana rolled her eyes. “What’s wrong is the way they’re starving us around here. The two of you are young and need to eat to grow up strong. It’s not right to force you kids to eat half moldy slop all the damn time.”

“You cussed.” The two boys gasped. Hana rolled her eyes.

“I’m eleven, that’s practically, like, grown. I can curse if I want.” Hana regarded her two man army with a small smile. “In no time, I’ll have raised two strong soldiers.” She ruffled the boys’ hair. “And we’ll leave the orphanage and fend for ourselves.”

 

_”Your friend was quite the mastermind it seems.”_

_“She was. God, she was. She was the force behind me and Akira’s every decision for years, this really ambitious type of girl with the smarts and skill to back it up.”_

_“It sounds like you two really loved her.”_

_“We did. We do. She’s our big sister. And she always put us before everything.”_

 

Kouyou was nine when they snuck out the window of the orphanage for one final (they thought) time. 

None of them looked back. They had no reason to.

“Our new home is going to be better than that.” Hana had assured. “And most importantly it’s going to be _ours._ ”

Hana had guaranteed the boys weeks ago that she found a place perfectly suitable for the trio’s new life – an abandoned building closer to the edge of the city. When they first walked in, they had been elated beyond belief. The ceiling was caving in in some spots and there was grass growing through some of the floor, but just like Hana had said it was _there’s._

 

_”Those were some of the happiest days of my life. But, damn, did we struggled.”_

_“I’m sure you did – three kids living on their own? It must have been horrible.”_

_“We went to bed hungry a lot of nights, but we still had a great deal of fun. Like the time in the summer we robbed a store for water guns. We_ soaked _Akira. He got so mad he practically bludgeoned me to death with the thing. Didn’t dare to touch Hana with it, though.”_

_“That’s surprisingly sweet.”_

_“I suppose it was.”_

 

Kouyou was twelve when he woke up, looked around, and noticed Akira sitting in the corner of their home, his legs pulled to his chest as he cried into his knees.

“What’s wrong?” He asked shooting up from his makeshift bed. His eyes darted around the room. “And where’s Hana?”

That was what did it. That was all it took and there Akira was, full scale sobbing – a rare and terrifying sight.

“Akira what happened?”

“She’s gone, Kouyou. She’s gone.”

 

_“That was the last time we saw her.”_

_“Do you know…what happened?”_

_“No. Akira says he heard police sirens the night before – that she was taken by them. But we never knew for sure.”_

_“It must’ve been hard.”_

_“It…It still is.”_

 

Kouyou and Akira didn’t last long by themselves. They were thirteen when they were caught and sent back to an orphanage. They were still thirteen when two foster parents took the boys in.

It was the worst hell they’d ever seen.

 

_“She was horrible.”_

_“She?”_

_“The foster mother. She hated me, Aoi. She hated me and I don’t even know why.”_

 

Kouyou had been doing what he was usually tasked to do – clean – and his foster mother had been there, sitting on the sofa and alternating between taking drags of her cigarettes and sips of her drink.

She met eyes with Kouyou and scoffed. “You’ll never amount to anything.”

Kouyou continued sweeping. She took another swig of her drink.

“We should have left you out on the street to die.” She snickered. “You should be more fucking thankful for us, ungrateful little bitch. Always eating our food, sleeping under our roof and do I ever hear a thank you? No. Of course I fucking don’t.”

Kouyou tried his hardest to filter it out.

“The saddest part is,” she began to stand. “That you’re more trouble than you’re worth.”

She dropped the cigarette to floor – completely forgotten – and crossed the room. Kouyou focused on the sound of the fan whirring on the ceiling as she beat him.

 

_”She was horrible. She was horrible. She was horrible.”_

_“Uruha, Uruha calm down.”_

_“So many horrible things – she always said so many horrible things to me.”_

_“Uruha it’s over. It’s in the past, it’s over calm down. Here – let me hold you. It’s over. It’s ok.”_

_“…”_

_“Uruha?”_

_“I killed her, Aoi. I killed her. I didn’t mean to, but I did it.”_

 

Kouyou was fifteen and he was afraid. Their foster father was due home from work for about ten minutes and so was Akira, but both were nowhere to be found. Not that either of them could’ve helped him – when she went on her rampages she was unstoppable. Akira had tried. Their foster father had only encouraged her.

“Worthless.” She snarled, her fist connecting with Kouyou’s jaw. He fell against the kitchen tile with a grunt. “No one could ever love someone like you.”

Kouyou’s face twisted into a scowl. She grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled – making them eye level.

“Did you hear me?”

Kouyou was fed up. He was angry, and he was tired and he shoved her with all of his strength. After he did, he looked down at his own hands, dumbfounded at his own actions. 

“You _hit_ me!” She accused, a scandalized look on her face. “I’ll kill you for that!” She screamed, reaching for Kouyou again.

“Did not” Kouyou defended, running for all it was worth – anything to get away from her.

“I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you!”

Kouyou ran up the stairs of his foster family’s duplex, panic filing his body. He didn’t doubt her. He knew she was a violent women, who so far stuck to her word. Kouyou, not paying attention to where he was going, ran into his foster parent’s bedroom. She slammed the door behind her as she followed him in, chuckling to herself.

“Finally caught you, little bitch. You can’t run from me.” She huffed, out of breath. She lunged for Kouyou, knocking him of balance and punched. Kouyou tried his best to get away, crawling on the floor towards the bed – anything.

On an impulse he reached under it, his fingers finding the shotgun he knew his foster father kept beneath it. He aimed it at her. She shot a disbelieving look – one that wasn’t serious. She didn’t believe he’d pull the trigger. Kouyou didn’t either.

“What the fuck are you doing?” She snarled.

Kouyou didn’t mean to hurt anyone, he just wanted to scare her.

He just wanted her to stop and –

And, she shouted again. It startled him, he didn’t mean to, but he pulled the trigger. 

The kickback was stronger than expected, blasting him backwards.

He felt numb.

It took him forever to catch his breath, and even when he did there was still a part of him that felt he couldn’t breathe properly. He watched the blood stain expand for what seemed like an eternity. He heard the front door open and close, and even then he didn’t move, just clutched the gun tighter to him, staring blankly at the person he’d just _murdered_. He couldn’t tell if he was crying or not.

He heard the call of his name from downstairs – their foster father’s voice.

He didn’t move.

He heard the doorknob to the bedroom twist open.

He didn’t move.

He heard the door creak open.

Stillness. Silence.

When Kouyou finally moved, to look up, their foster father was inches from his face and grabbing his collar. He tossed Kouyou across the room with a loud yell. “You motherfucker.”

The gun clattered against the ground and Kouyou ran. He ran as fast as he could, as fast as his legs could take him, body throbbing in pain all over. 

His foster father was on his heels, reaching to grab his hair but Kouyou dove forward tripping himself down the steps. He got up from the bottom of them, aware that he was crying hard now.

“I’m going to kill you!” His foster father screamed. “I’m going to fucking mangle you for what you did to her!”

Kouyou was just a few steps ahead when he ran out the back door of their duplex, knocking over everything he passed by as if it would help slow down his foster father.

It didn’t.

As soon as he stepped foot out the door he was pushed – and hard. His face hit the concrete, busting his lip open, and in the next moment he felt a blow to the head. Falling limp on the ground, he looked up, watching his foster father pin him to the ground and wrap his hands around his neck, the smell of aftershave, mint, and stale alcohol berating his nostrils. 

He was going to die. He was certain that at that moment he was going to die.

 

_”Shh, Uruha. Shh, you don’t have to talk anymore.”_

_“I still hear her sometimes. The things she said to me. I still hear it.”_

_“It’s ok, I know it hurts. It’s ok.”_

_“H-he saved me. It was Akira who saved me and I don’t even…I don’t even have him anymore.”_

_“Uruha, please”_

_“Hana’s gone. Akira’s gone. My parents, Aoi, everyone. They’re all…”_

_“You still have me. I know I’m not much, but you still have me. I’ll be better for you Uruha. I’ll try to be better for you Uruha.”_

 

 

Aoi was sitting between Uruha’s legs, his back to the blonde’s chest. Uruha inhaled his scent, put completely at ease by it and by the warmth the raven provided. They’d been like that for hours, allotting themselves a lazy day of sitting on the couch and snacking.

Uruha felt Aoi shift in his arms.

“So why…earlier, why did you tell me all that?”

Uruha sighed. He found it was easier to be honest now, more so than ever. “Because I love you.” Uruha answered, his arms tightening protectively around Aoi’s body. “You don’t have to say anything back, so don’t worry, just know that that’s why. I love you.”

“…I’m sorry, you know it’s hard for me, and –“

“Shut up, dumbass, I told you it was ok, didn’t I?”

Aoi nodded.

“And call me Kouyou from now on.”

\----

Reita was sitting there, hands folded in his lap on the couch in Yamato’s apparent beach house. He didn’t flinch when he heard the door open. Yamato didn’t either when he walked into the living room and met eyes with the intruder in his home.

“Enjoying your vacation?” Reita smirked, slipping his knife out faster than the officer could even form the next thought. He raced towards the officer, pinning him up against the wall with his knife and a hard glare. “You’ve been running from me Yamato.”

“And why shouldn’t I be, the way you’re waving that knife around?”

“Oh no, I think it was quite the wise decision. I’m angry Yamato, consequences be damned, I will kill you and I will kill you quickly for what you did.”

Yamato chuckled. “What I did? I’m innocent, Reita.”

“You told a Karasu how to get to General Aoi, don’t play dumb.”

“That’s a pretty hefty assumption – hey, hey careful with that thing you could hurt somebody!”

Reita’s smirk widened into a grin. He liked Yamato like that – completely passive against the imminent threat of death. Reita was also pleased that his grueling hunt had finally come to an end. He was ready for his payoff. Just the way Kai had suggested, he had taken interest in General Aoi. Not only that, but his snooping had lead him to some interesting information; there was someone that Aoi had been connected to that had been very involved in the secrets Goddess held. He knew Yamato wouldn’t tell him anything directly, but if he could weasel out anything at all about that particular man it could be useful. “Tell me what I want to know and I _might_ spare your life.”

“What do you want to know?” Yamato said, voice slow and deliberate. He was eyeing Reita’s knife wearily, completely helpless against him.

“I want you to tell me everything you know about the previous General of the Northern district.”

Yamato smirked. 

“Out of all the people I could tell you about…” He shook his head. “Well, to begin that story we need a name.” Yamato moistened his chapped lips, slowly. Too slowly.

“On with it Yamato!”

“He was called Ruki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really fun to write! Hope it was fun to read~
> 
> (didnt proofread tho, sorry~)
> 
> Tell me what you thought, if you want!


	13. All Or Nothing

Aoi didn’t have a single thought in his mind beside one single blaring question: _What the hell am I doing?_

He pushed open the door to Uruha’s bedroom, finding not a single answer in the slow creaking of the door, nor in the feel of the soft throw rug beneath his bare feet as he tip-toed across the room.

Aoi had a hundred racing thoughts as he peeled the blanket back, tucked himself beneath the covers, and curled into Uruha’s body.

All of them were worries – 

_I’m betraying my promise._

_I’m hurting Uruha._

_I’m hurting myself._

But he sighed, the puff of breath ghosting against Uruha’s lips. He was peaceful and sleeping - oblivious to Aoi’s crisis, and the ending of it. He snuggled closer.

All Aoi thought of was warmth – the kind that transcended the physical.

He did not ask another question.

He did not form another thought.

\----

Kouyou was sitting on the couch, feet propped against the coffee table like it wasn’t worth more than all his belongings. Aoi was in a similar position, a movie playing before them (‘Since I have to message the boss tomorrow, let’s take it easy today.’ was Aoi’s excuse).

Kouyou was glaring at the corner of the TV, trying his hardest to ignore his thoughts, when Aoi turned to him. The general reached up, plucked a popcorn kernel from the side of his mouth, and sighed.

“Something’s wrong. Tell me.”

Kouyou grumbled. He almost hated how intuitive Aoi could be.

“Talk” Aoi said, and as if he was commanded to, Kouyou did.

“This is Akira’s favorite movie.” He grumbled, folding his arms, brow furrowing further.

Aoi’s laugh didn’t help. In fact, his frown became even deeper. The asshole was even making fun of him at a time like this, huh? 

Aoi scooted into the blonde’s lap, resting his head on Kouyou’s shoulder. He sighed and shook his head. “I wish you would get over this little cat fight.”

“Don’t call it that!” Kouyou set his bowl of popcorn down, tilting his head to shoot daggers at the raven. “This is serious to me!”

“I know.” Aoi said, and his arms began to wrap around Kouyou’s waist. He buried his face into the blonde’s neck and he could feel the smile there – telltale sign that Aoi was bullshiting. He heard Aoi hum, “But it’s a shame the two of you aren’t still close friends.”

Kouyou rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure, whatever. Friendship is important.” Kouyou found his arms encircling Aoi, pulling him closer. “Really, if we’re talking about friendship I should ask about you and Kai.”

Kouyou felt the General go ridged in his arms. “Don’t want to talk about it.”

And Kouyou sighed, trying not to be disappointed. He tried especially hard not to let it show in his voice.“I think I’d be happy to see you talk to someone besides me. I love having you all to myself, but I think it’s best if I share a _little_ bit.”

“You’re really cute sometimes, Uruha.”

“Whatever.” Kouyou answered, ignoring that Aoi called him the wrong name. He cuddled into Aoi, the warmth of his body feeling somewhat familiar – like a foggy was-that-a-memory of Aoi being in his bed the previous night.

Kouyou paused for a moment.

He had woken up alone. And so it had to have been a dream.

\----

Aoi’s mind never stayed silent for long, no matter how hard he tried.

Sometimes he was listening to the gentle in and out of Uruha’s breaths as he slept behind him, his mind lulled into a peaceful state of silence as he worked on through the other’s nap.

Sometimes he was done working, contemplating waking the blonde up so he could go to his bedroom, and listening to all his thoughts scream at him.

That day hadn’t been one of the best – Aoi knew he was moody. And that day he had been in a spectacularly shity mood.

He frowned.

_You’re not being fair._

_Uruha deserves better._

_You can’t be better, so why are you still here?_

He sighed.

Uruha would never tell him, but he knew he was hard to deal with. He knew he was hard to get close to. He knew that he wasn’t worth it.

He thought of his knife.

He shook his head. No. No, that wasn’t right.

He thought about the person who gifted it to him – and for the first time in a long time he smiled at that memory. For the first time in a long time it was a thought that gave him hope.

If only for that night, he thought that maybe things could be different. Maybe he didn’t have to punish himself anymore. Maybe he could let Uruha all the way in. Maybe he could stop second guessing.

He placed his hand on Uruha’s shoulder, gently shaking him awake. “Hey, it’s time to wake up.”

Uruha slung his arm around Aoi’s shoulder with a whine of “Carry meeee” And Aoi laughed.

It felt like calm and quiet.

\----

Kouyou heard his door creak open, a soft smile touching his lips. His room was completely dark and he was sure Aoi thought he was asleep, but he wasn’t. Not this time, at least.

He listened to the sound of Aoi padding across the floor, all the way over to the bed. He cracked an eye open to look at the man – but just barely. Unless Aoi was _really_ paying attention he’d still appear to be sleeping. Pillow in hand, Aoi, as gently as he could (and Kouyou thought it endearing, how careful he was being), pulled the blankets from around Kouyou and eased his way into the bed.

It was difficult to make out, but he heard Aoi whisper softly “It’s just really cold” As if to convince himself that that was the _only_ reason to be doing this. He scooted closer and the blonde fought the urge to chuckle. As Aoi nestled into him, he lost it. He couldn’t resist his urge to wrap his arms around the older man – and he didn’t. He brought Aoi closer to him and kissed the top of his head, completely blowing his cover, and let out a soft laugh.

“Shut up and sleep, dumbass.”

Aoi flinched. He grumbled incoherently, and ultimately ignored the response, willing himself to relax in the blonde’s arms.

It was the third night in a row Aoi had crawled into his bed.

It was the third morning in a row Kouyou had woken up alone.

And at first, he had thought he was dreaming, but the night before confirmed it. Aoi was climbing into his bed at night, only to crawl back out before he woke up.

Kouyou had already showered and brushed his teeth when he walked into the kitchen, finding Aoi by the counter pouring their cups of coffee.

“Good morning.” Kouyou said, he placed a hand on both sides of Aoi, trapping him.

“Pinning me to the counter, Uruha? That’s kind of hot.”

The blonde rolled his eyes “I told you its Kouyou.” but otherwise overlooked the statement. Reaching around Aoi for his mug, Kouyou took it and went to sit on the island, his legs dangling over the edge. Aoi brought his own to his lips, turning to standing face to face with Kouyou, right between his legs. “Maybe we should drink inside? It _is_ cold out.” Kouyou shot Aoi a grin, unable to hold in his amusement at last night’s situation.

“Shut up!” Aoi answered. “Seriously, it’s freezing! What am I supposed to do?”

“Mm, ok. Just know that you don’t need an excuse to climb into my bed.” Kouyou took a sip of his coffee, shooting a ruffled Aoi the smuggest look he could manage. Although, as hilarious as it was, he didn’t understand why the man was having such a difficult time coming to terms with his feelings. Not that it bothered Kouyou. Well, Kouyou tried not to let it bother him at least. As Aoi had told him plenty of times, it was hard for him. Kouyou sighed. Not that he understood why, exactly.

“You know,” Aoi began. “I don’t enjoy being mysterious. I’d really, really like to share everything with you.”

Kouyou blinked. He hadn’t been expecting that so suddenly. “No, take your time. I’m here when you’re ready.”

\----

Later that evening Aoi decided that he didn’t believe him.

In his experience, good things didn’t last and they sure as hell didn’t wait around to be ready for you to be ready for them.

Aoi sighed, thinking of all the things he’d ruined in the past, all because he wasn’t prepared to take hold of his fate. The same as now.

His mind was never quiet for long.

Aoi walked back into the living room, book in hand, and found Uruha sitting on the floor staring at the wall. Daydreaming probably, but Aoi could tell by the look on the man’s face who exactly he was thinking about.

Aoi clunked the blonde on his head with his book, smiling, and then turning to look at the particular patch of wall Uruha was. “What is that, Reita’s favorite shade of white?”

“Will you ever stop teasing me?”

“No.” Aoi sat down next to the blonde, sighing as he drew his knees up to his chest. He looked at the side of Uruha’s face, noticing that the man was evading his eyes. He thought of the relationships his own stubbornness had ruined. “You two should start speaking again.”

He heard Uruha scoff. “Huh? No. He betrayed me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess.” Aoi shook his head. “It’s just kind of sad. You seem like you still really care about him.”

“Well, he doesn’t care about me so that solves that.”

Aoi almost laughed. Without thinking he blurted “He cares so damn much he damn near killed me over you.”

Aoi saw Uruha go stiff. He turned to face Aoi, confused “When did he…when did he try to kill you?”

“…ah” Was all Aoi said, his eyes going wide.

Right, he never did tell Uruha about that.

The blonde’s eyes narrowed. “You told me you’ve never seen him before.” Uruha began to stand. “Aoi you...Did you lie to me?”

“Don’t be angry, I just didn’t want to get in the way. I-I’ve ruined a lot of good frienships and I didn’t want to-”

“I’m not angry.” Uruha cut in shaking his head. He drug his hand through his hair, his jaw stiff.

“…I just didn’t want to get in the way.”

“I…I’m just. A little shocked I didn’t think you’d lie to me. Keep secrets, sure, but lie?”

And maybe the look on Uruha’s face was worse than his anger would have been.

Uruha sighed, angling his head away from Aoi. He shoved his hands in his pockets and frowned. “I’m going to go for a walk.”

He began to make his way to the front door. Aoi shot up, following behind him just a little more desperately than he would have liked. “When will you be back?” He asked.

No answer.

“Uruha?”

The man stopped, hand on the door knob. “My. Name. Is. Kouyou.”

He opened the door. He shut it behind him.

Aoi sunk to his knees in front of it. His shoulders began to shake, but he didn’t cry.

He sat there for a while, staring at his hands, helplessly immobile. He wanted to move – to run, dammit, to run and catch up to him and wrap his arms around him and hold and hold and hold and not let go – but his body refused him.

Aoi thought of the knife.

He wanted to be with Kouyou, he was certain. He _needed_ to be with Kouyou. 

He had to leave.

He had to follow him.

Aoi looked up at the door before him – far more imposing than it’s ever been. He swallowed. It wouldn’t just be beyond that door. It would be beyond the complex – the door to outside, the place he hadn’t been by himself or of his own free will in years. It would be the door to unfamiliar territory. It would be falling off the precipice, down into irreversible uncertainty. It would be being vulnerable.

Aoi got up – his shoulders were shaking but he wasn’t crying– and he grabbed the handle.

Everything was quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well i sure do wonder who's backstory we'll learn about next chapter
> 
> lol well, tell me what you thought if you want! I was super excited to share this with you and im even more excited to share the next chapter so ill write it as fast as i can! I hope youre all excited too!


	14. Everything

Kouyou was leaning against the wall of a convenient store, third cigarette of the hour perched between his lips. He blew out the toxic smoke, sighing to himself.

He was an idiot is what he was coming to realize.

He took another drag of the cigarette.

An idiot who was prone to overreaction, upsetting important people in his life, and likely destroying his relationships with them.

Kouyou sighed again, running his fingers through his hair. A bell sounded. He glanced to the side, making eye contact with a store clerk who didn’t even attempt to smile at him. She busied herself with sweeping and didn’t look in his direction again. He knew he wasn’t particularly allowed to be loitering around, but he also knew no one would dare confront him about it; not as rampant as Goddess was throughout the city. People didn’t tend to take their chances, not when their lives could be involved.

Kouyou sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that evening, internally reconciling with the store clerk as he pushed himself away from the wall. He stomped out his cigarette beneath his boot and began to walk – no destination in mind – and he let his brain be clouded by the city noise around him.

Lights and people began to blur together as he wandered, sounds filling his head like white noise, pressing the thoughts in his head back into the blackness. He walked for what felt like forever until something caught his eye. His head snapped to the side, eyes trying to make out what he was sure was - 

But no – that couldn’t be, could it?

He shook his head, eyes refocusing in front of him, back to the blur of people before him.

There was no way he saw Aoi across the street. He let a wry smile overtake his face, supposing that that was what the mind did to you – made you manifest the ones who tormented your thoughts.

Kouyou sighed, reaching up to drag his hand through his hair. His fingers were barely touching his scalp when he felt a cold hand wrap around his wrist and _tug._

He spun around, fire lighting his eyes. He was certain a Karasu had recognized him, and now, there in the middle of the city streets, they were ready for a fight. Well, Kouyou was ready too. He turned around, fists ready to connect with the jaw of whatever unfortunate fucker had the audacity to try to surprise him. His fist was already halfway extended when his eyes registered his assailant. They widened, meeting the surprised ones of his ‘attacker’. It took everything in Kouyou’s power to stop himself mid motion. He gaped, frozen in place and completely surprised.

“Aoi, how did you get-“

“I grew up in a shore town” Aoi let go of Kouyou’s wrist, but grabbed his face – cupping his cheeks and pulling, pressing their foreheads together. 

“Wha-?”

“My parents weren’t in my life. My grandfather raised me” In a split second Aoi was pulling back, he grabbed Kouyou’s forearms, his eyes searching Kouyou’s frantically.

“Aoi, slow down,”

“It was hard, but he treated me kindly” He buried his face in Kouyou’s neck.

“Aoi what are you-“

“My name is Yuu.” His arms reached around to grip the back of Kouyou’s shirt. He pulled him close.

“What are you-“

“I love you.” He whispered it into Kouyou’s collarbone, his hands beginning to run up and down Kouyou’s back.

“Aoi-“

“I love you, Kouyou. I love you.” He pulled back again, looking into Kouyou’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry about everything, Kouyou. I want to tell you everything I want to give everything to you I don’t want you to ever leave again. I love you. I don’t want to be alone anymore so please stay with me.”

“A…Yuu, I’m not leaving you. I could never leave you.” Kouyou shook his head, gazing down upon the needlessly worried General. “Why don’t we…why don’t we go somewhere where we can talk.”

“Will you hold my hand while we walk?”

Kouyou sighed. “You don’t have to ask.”

\----

Kouyou let his hand cover Yuu’s where it lay on the park bench. They were the only ones there, surrounded by nearly pitch blackness in the middle of the night.

Kouyou regarded Yuu wearily, fidgeting slightly in his seat. He wasn’t sure about anything going on inside Yuu’s head, never was, but he knew he had a few things he needed to say – just in case. “I shouldn’t have stormed out—“

_“Kouyou”_

“Yuu, no, there are things I need you to hear and I—“

“Kouyou!” Yuu snapped. “Stop it. Just let me talk…”

Kouyou mumbled a soft “Fine…” relenting at a determined Yuu. He guessed he could hear him out first and get his few words in later. Kouyou found himself staring out ahead of him across the park. There was no one around, but it certainly wasn’t silent, the sound of nearby city traffic a soft hum in the distance. Yuu laid his head on his shoulder, staring off into the same distance he was. It felt comfortable.

He heard Yuu sigh, and then he began to speak.

 

_“I can’t remember my father’s face. As hard as I try, I just can’t make it appear – that’s how long it’s been since I’ve seen the man. There was nothing prolific about the decision that we’d never meet again, it was just something that happened – something I came to understand over time. He’d make less appearances, call less, and eventually he just stopped trying all together. I must’ve been five or six the last time I saw him. I don’t really think of him anymore.”_

 

Yuu was sitting on the kitchen table, little legs dangling over the edge. He watched his grandfather card his hand through his dark hair, not even close to graying since despite being a grandfather, he wasn't very old at all. The man set to pacing back and forth in the small room.

“Ok,” He heard Grandpa say. Yuu sipped at his juice box, vaguely distressed by his Grandpa’s state, but he couldn’t really tell why. “Ok, Yuu.” He turned to face the boy, walking over to the table. “You’ll have to stay upstairs, I’ll be down in The Shop for a bit, ok? Stay up here.”

Yuu nodded, gulping down more of his fruit punch.

“Promise me that.”

Yuu nodded again, wiping the stray trail juice away with the back of his sleeve. “I promise.”

 

_”He ran a gun shop. All kinds of people came and went. Most of them, well, weren’t the best.”_

_“I’d imagine.”_

_“I saw a lot of things. I saw a lot of people that I wasn’t supposed to.”_

 

Yuu broke his promise.

His juice box was empty and laying forgotten on the table as he hopped down from it. He tiptoed down the stairs from their home into The Shop, where the door between the two would usually be locked. Yuu tried the handle.

It wasn’t.

He pulled the door open, just the slightest bit, and peeked through. He had heard strange sounds coming from downstairs and he was a curious child – always had been to the dismay of his grandfather.

Yuu was used to screaming. There were often strange men that gathered in The Shop late at night arguing with Yuu’s Grandpa, using words he didn’t understand, and words he _did_ understand were ‘curse words’. Yuu had tried saying some of them once and his Grandpa hadn’t been happy. He’d even seen the arguments get physical a few times. Yuu had seen it all – what he had not seen was the figure of a woman, dressed in baggy clothes that hung from her dirt covered body, long nails scratching through ratty black hair. He had not ever before seen his Grandpa, far too close for her to be someone unfamiliar, whispering feverously “ _No,_ you will not see him today, you will not see him ever.” At the shaking figure.

She grabbed the front of Grandpa’s shirt, and now Yuu could see she was crying. His mouth hung agape, she looked…really familiar.

“Please,” He heard her beg. Yuu tilted his head further into the room, the intonation of her voice dragging him forward. “Please” She shuddered against Grandpa’s chest and Yuu saw his chest swell with an impending sigh.

“…If you would just clean yourself up….”

Yuu fully opened the door then. He stepped into the parlor, the creak of the floorboards horribly grating in the quiet room. 

He turned.

She turned.

_”Yuu,”_

“Yuu I told you to stay upstairs!”

Yuu blinked. “I-“

“ _Yuu!_ ” The woman reached her arm out toward him, now overwhelmed with tears.

Yuu was frozen in place as his grandfather’s hand wrapped around her arm, holding her back.

Yuu was frozen in place as she fell to the ground and screamed.

Yuu was frozen in place as she clutched her free hand to her chest.

“Go. Upstairs. Now!”

Movement – finally – movement. And he ran, arms outreached and ready to embrace the doorknob in front of him.

When he was safe behind the door he collapsed to the ground. He shoved his eyes closed. He willed the world silent – he did not hear a word of the argument. He did not hear the woman demand to see him one more time - _just one more time, please Dad, I know what’s best for him and it’s me!_ \- he did not hear his Grandpa’s answering yell’s, he swears, he did not hear a single sound of _How is seeing his mother strung out and in shambles any good for him?_

There was something loud in his head, but Yuu could not decipher the noise.

 

_“Hmmm. And my mother…I’ve only seen my mother a handful of times besides then. I don’t exactly remember her face too well now either.”_

_“When was the last time you heard from her?”_

_“Well, she’s been dead for a while now so it’s been some time.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“No, no. It’s fine. I’m fine.”_

 

The sky was clear, blue, and beautiful the afternoon after Yuu’s first day of middle school. Yuu kicked a rock in his path and growled the word “Fuck,” a trickle of rebellion rolling through his body at the sound of it coming from his own mouth. It felt nice. He imagined it would’ve been more appealing if the sky was gray and angry and screaming, but nothing in Yuu’s life had ever been perfect and there was no reason for it to start now.

Yuu bit his bottom lip, contemplating walking down to the beach. There was an abandoned construction site there that had always appealed to Yuu and he often found himself wandering there, playing amidst the forgotten buildings and pulling himself towards the waters when he got tired of playing. Being there always seemed to calm him when he was in a bad mood…No, he shook his head. Grandpa would be too worried.

And so instead he took the familiar path towards The Shop. He just continued on the road by himself, staring at his shoes the whole time.

Behind him, the sound of talking and laughter stained the air. It further irritated Yuu, but he didn’t turn around and snap on the other children behind him like he did that one time two years ago when they were laughing about _him_.

Yuu grimaced.

The past was behind him. He shouldn’t think about it anymore. It was as Grandpa said, anyway, ‘No one would make fun of someone for something like that if they weren’t sick in the head.’

And Yuu didn’t need anyone like that in his life.

And he didn’t want them either.

And he didn’t care that his anger had chased whatever chance of friendship the outcast had had.

When Yuu was faced with the front door of The Shop, he wasn’t sure if he was relieved or anxious. The bell chimed above his head when he opened the door, and he looked around carefully as he made his entrance. Grandpa was where he usually was – in a chair in the corner of The Shop, not at all behind the counter, and fast asleep.

Relieved, is what Yuu decided on. He didn’t want to have to face his grandfather today. Not yet at least.

He tiptoed towards the stairs, careful not to wake Grandpa, and went up to their apartment. Once there he let his bag drop to the floor – he couldn’t be bothered with things like tidiness – and flung himself across the room, out onto the small balcony the apartment provided. He sat himself on the ground and hugged his knees to his chest.

He looked out onto the world – glowing orange in the light of the setting sun – and tried to force his mind from wandering to anything else. It proved useless.

He couldn’t stop the thoughts from two years ago from flooding him – from the kids behind him snickering - _’I hear his mom’s a whore.’ ‘I’d have abandoned him too, if my kid was a faggot.’ ‘Stop it you guys, the kids an orphan. My dad says the lady is—‘_ \- Yuu grimaced, one memory blurring to the next. He curled his hands tighter around his legs and fought his hardest to stop the thoughts from coming, but to no avail.

Vivid, was the memory of himself, slung over the arm of a police officer dragging the screaming, kicking boy away from a sight he shouldn’t have had to see in the first place.

There she was, lying on the pavement, beautiful face slack and devoid of any emotions. Dyed red, was the ground around her lifeless body. Furious, was Yuu when his Grandpa took him by the arm, pulled him from the officer, and put him in the police car to ‘Sit there and wait.’ Himself.

He remembered hearing police officers whispering together, saying things like ‘I can solve the murder right now, the whore had a stalker, and this is how shit ended up.’

He remembered feeling helpless.

Yuu opened his eyes again and realized he was crying – dead, that’s what his mother was. Dead, and he wondered if he even had the right to feel sad about someone who his fourth meeting with was because he stumbled upon their body.

In his emotional outburst, he hadn’t even noticed his Grandpa come up behind him. Only when he felt the hand on his shoulder, did he realize he wasn’t alone. And it surprised him, but he didn’t flinch. He didn’t move at all, he just continued crying into his knees.

Grandpa sighed, “It is her birthday today, after all…” Yuu’s grandfather dropped to his knees and pulled the boy into his arms. Yuu didn’t fight it, he wanted to, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t be anything but honest around his grandfather. He felt the man card through his hair, humming “shh”s and “It’ll be ok, I promise, it’ll be ok”s into his scalp.

“She would’ve loved you if she had the chance.”

He wasn’t sure if he was angry at Grandpa. He wasn’t sure if he blamed him for never knowing his mom. He wasn’t sure of anything – but he did know that he felt safe in his Grandpa’s arms and he did know that it was easy to be weak in his embrace.

“I know it hurts Yuu. I know it does.”

And there was rarely an occasion when Grandpa was wrong.

 

_“Yuu, come here.”_

_“Hm?”_

_“Let me hold you, come here.”_

_“I don’t need you to feel bad for me, I’m fine.”_

_“Ok, you’re fine, that’s great but please just let me hold you. You look like you’re going to—“_

_“I’m not going to cry. I’m not.”_

 

“Yuu, listen to me.”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve got a business deal to handle, so please, please, stay up here.”

“When have I ever gotten in your way, Grandpa?”

The man scoffed. “Oh, only more times than I can count.”

“Well, I’m 19 now. I’d say that’s old enough to follow instructions.”

“…Hmm, somehow I still don’t have faith in you.”

Yuu sipped at his tea, deciding to ignore his Grandpa’s banter. “So, who’s the deal with?”

Grandpa shrugged, slipping on his leather jacket to no doubt try and make himself appear more intimidating. “Some kid. Calls himself a Goddess foot soldier. Hard to believe someone that small could be any rank at all, even the lowest one.”

Yuu let out a small “Oh” as his Grandpa slipped open the door. 

He shot Yuu one final look. “Don’t do anything dangerous.” And with that he was gone.

Yuu set his cup down and headed for the balcony. He figured he’d waste his time out there, staring off at the moon until Grandpa was done with business, or something. Surprisingly, once outside he couldn’t see any trucks or anything parked outside. Usually, gangs would send one in to help transport whatever weapons they bought. Yuu thought on it for a moment, he hadn’t heard of Goddess and so perhaps they were an up and coming gang. That would explain things. He bit his lip, wondering if he could ever do something like join a gang. He shook his head, deciding that no, he couldn’t, and that no, he didn’t want to. Had no interest.

After a few minutes, Yuu heard The Shop’s bell chime. He looked down, and there he was, a small man with a bag slung over his shoulder. No doubt, he was the one Grandpa had been conducting business with. He began walking down the street and Yuu watched on. 

Something caught his attention. Yuu peered over the ledge with widening eyes. From his perch he could see it all – another man, taller than the first one, several yards behind the smaller one. He materialized from an adjacent path and he walked slowly, but with determination, his movements echoing the smaller man’s. To those on ground level he probably didn’t at all look suspicious but Yuu could see everything. The smaller man was being followed. Yuu bit his lip, watching as the two disappeared beyond his line of vision.

He couldn’t stop himself from thinking about how this would play out – would the smaller man be injured? Killed, maybe even? Perhaps he was being set up for an ambush? Yuu didn’t want to think about it --

Wait, Yuu shook his head. He didn’t want to think about it and he shouldn’t have been thinking about it at all. It was none of his business, he told himself. So what if the man was being followed? He was a stranger. And if there was one thing Grandpa had taught him, it was that staying alive involved a great deal of minding your own business.

Yuu stood up, went inside and tried not to think any more of it.

He sat down on the couch on the living room and decided he was stupid for thinking he could just ignore it. It was all he could think about – his mind refusing to stay quiet about it for even a moment. He relented, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he didn’t at least try _something_.

He sped down the stairs, through The Shop, and out the door.

“Where are you going!” He heard Grandpa call after him, but he couldn’t pay attention. He had something urgent he needed to handle.

“I must be stupid.” He mumbled to himself, walking in the direction the two had went. He cursed under his breath.

He imagined the smaller man with a gun to his head and picked up his pace a little bit.

“I don’t even know where they went…” Yuu grumbled. He found himself actually starting to get a little frantic, wracking his brain for possible locations where he could have gone.

He thought of the smaller man lying in a pool of his own blood and started to panic.

Yuu was nearly running at that point – completely directionless. He ran from one street to the next, snapping around corners with wide, searching eyes. Any glimpse of the smaller man – anything would do – anything to save the stranger, anything so that he wouldn’t end up like his mother. He winced.

Yuu’s pulse began to pick up the longer it went on. His breathing became heavy from his searching. He stopped still in the middle of the street, his eyes closing with the effort of his thoughts. He had to think, where could he be? There had to be someplace, right?

Yuu’s eyes snapped open. 

He had an idea.

That’s right – why hadn’t he thought of it sooner? The abandoned construction zone – it made the perfect sense that a gang member would head there, it was the only logical place for someone criminal to crash, especially if they weren’t as wealthy as well established gang members who could afford to pay off hotel owners.

 

_“You’re a lot kinder than I would’ve been.”_

_“Hmm. I’m not sure. It doesn’t feel that way at least. It’s just that there was something inside me that couldn’t let it go. I can’t explain it, but I needed to find him. Maybe it was some sort of desire to reconcile what happened with my mother – a need to protect what I couldn’t have then."_

 

Yuu’s eyes widened - there, ahead of him, he thought he saw someone go around the corner of the abandoned warehouse.

It was him – had to be him.

Yuu smiled, the flash of hair disappearing beyond the wall causing him far too much excitement than it should have. He broke out into a sprint, calling “Hey!” out into the darkness.

Yuu slid a little as he rounded the corner, losing balance for a split second – but in a flash he was back up and sprinting towards…”Shit”. He looked around, and to his surprise he saw no one. Just the cracked asphalt of the abandoned alley, and the shards of glass from the warehouses shattered windows.

“I could have sworn…” Yuu looked around him once more, behind him, and even above himself. He knew what he saw. He knew there was another person around here.

Yuu took a weary step forward, now starting to wonder who it was he was following. What if the taller man had already killed the first one? What if it was a glimpse of a killer he had just seen? What if he was walking into the palm of a murderer, begging to be mangled in the worst ways possible? Yuu swallowed the lump in his throat. He could feel a bead of sweat roll down his forehead, but he didn’t wipe it, instead he kept walking forward.

He was ten steps from the corner of the alley when his heart started pounding in his chest.

He paused, “Thought I heard something behind me,” but ultimately convinced himself it was just his imagination.

He began to move again.

He was five steps from the corner of the alleyway when he realized he was in too deep to turn around now. His fingers began to tremble, but he’d be damned if he let the fear show on his face.

Another pause – for a deep breath – and he was creeping forward once more.

He was two steps from the corner of the alleyway when he heard another noise behind him.

He was two steps from the corner of the alleyway when he let out a curse – he had been so careful, dammit, was he really that stupid? That oblivious?

He was two steps from the corner of the alleyway and too late to turn around and defend himself. He was grabbed, had his arm twisted behind his back and was pushed, hard. He grunted when his face connected with brick, and he knew there would be blood – bruises – that he would have to explain to Grandpa, _if I survive this_ he mentally added.

He was about to yell – to demand the attacker behind him get off – but that was until he felt cool metal brush against the side of his throat. The words lost him. There was nothing but adrenaline and heightened perception that seemed to thrust everything into slow motion.

He felt the hand around his wrist tighten and swallowed a pained sound. He felt the body behind him press closer. He felt lips near his ear – a whisper “Are you here to kill me?”

It took a beat for Yuu to reply, his mouth dry and his heart racing, but he managed to push a strangled “No!” from his throat. He subconsciously shifted in his attackers hold, “I saw you at The Shop earlier and I came here to find you, I thought –“

“Please, cut the bullshit, honey.”

The man’s grip tightened further. The knife began to feel particularly imposing.

“How did you know I’d be here? How did you find me?”

“I…Guessed?”

 

_“He changed everything…”_

_“Yuu, are you ok? You don’t have to keep going, you can--”_

_“I’m fine. And I know you want me to keep going, you’re a horrible liar.”_

_“Yuu—“_

_“Just let me finish. It’s a long story, so just…let me finish...while I can.”_

_“Well…ok. Go on. If you want to, go on.”_

_“Ok. Well, to begin. He was called Ruki.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO WRITE.
> 
> I had a horrible bout of writers block, and just was generally second guessing every line of this chapter, nothing felt good enough. I finally managed to push it out though, and I hope you all enjoyed it! Please let me know if you do. I'm really sorry this took so long and I'm going to try to do my best to work faster!
> 
> Also, yeh, have to split up Aoi's backstory cus it's entirely too long lmao. The next chapter will, hopefully, come sooner ily guys sorry again


	15. All Of It

“It must be fate then.”

 

_”You know, he said that but I still ended up with my arms tied behind my back.”_

_“Really?”_

_“Yup. He tied me right up. Told me ‘wait right there—‘like I had any other options, anyway he said ‘Wait right there I’m going to get my two friends’.”_

 

Yuu bit down on his bottom lip as hard as he could – drawing blood, he was sure. He felt so utterly stupid, and the feeling was even worse as he waited.

His head swiveled to the door where the man had disappeared, he heard laughter.

_Are they making fun of me?_ he thought, feeling even dumber, if it was even possible. He tried his hardest to keep his face straight as the man and his two friends approached.

“He looks like he’s going to cry, Ruki, what the hell did you do to him?” The shortest of the three said – even shorter than the one who had originally attacked him.

“ _Shut up, Yune!_ ” The one called Ruki demanded, glaring at the even shorter man. He folded his arms with a pout. “I’ve been treating him just fine.”

Yuu wanted to scream. “Just fine?” He’d almost been killed, dammit, and that was ‘just fine’? Just as Yuu was about to yell, the third man chimed in, offering a bright and dimpled smile as he cut him off.

“Calm down, now. No need to worry, I’m going to untie you.” He hadn’t really noticed before but now, up close, it was clear to him. And Yuu found himself wanting to scream even more. He was such an idiot.

“You’re the stalker!?”

“Huh? Stalker?”

 

_”Needless to say, they made fun of me for years.”_

_“It’s really nice to see you smiling about the past.”_

_“It’s a good memory. Meeting them changed me forever – it hurts now – but maybe that’s ok. Maybe it was worth it.”_

 

“You know, you could help me instead of just sitting there.”

Yuu slipped himself from the counter with a sigh and took a box from Grandpa. He put it with the rest of the pile and then turned to face Grandpa with a smile. When Grandpa set the last box down with the rest of the stack he eyed Yuu wearily. “So, what’s got you so interested in tonight’s customer? It’s not like you to want to hang around for business.”

Yuu just shrugged in response, which must have been good enough for Grandpa because he didn’t push any further.

“Just let me hope that my Grandson is finally getting serious about taking my shop over.”

“…You could say that.” Yuu mumbled, repositioning himself at a stool behind the counter. Tonight his role would be Grandpa’s shop assistant – not a role he’d ever been particularly interested in, but tonight was a special case. Tonight, Goddess representatives would be visiting personally to pick up their order. And Yuu hoped – prayed, even – that one of the people in the representative’s entourage would be one of the three boys he’d had that encounter with a month prior.

He hadn’t been able to stop thinking of them ever since – they had everything he ever wanted. Each other, to put it simply. Friendship wasn’t a concept Yuu was all that familiar with, and within the span of meeting those boys they had shown him more care than anyone that wasn’t Grandpa ever had. And Yuu just desperately wanted to be a part of it.

He smiled to himself – tonight would be the night. He would get closer to them – befriend them even. Grandpa always said he lacked motivation, but if there was ever a time he could prove him wrong, it would be then (and it was irrational, he knew, but he couldn’t help the feeling like the three of them were fated to be his friends).

With the chime of a bell, the door to the shop swung open.

Earlier than expected, but still very much welcomed.

Yuu perked up, intently focused on the person moving through the door.

One foot through the threshold and Yuu was already disappointed – a man, a very _old_ man, walked through the door. He wore a nice suit, expensive shoes, and narrowed, serious eyes. Following him in was a girl, one not much older than Yuu himself. She had a bright and warm smile that she flashed at Yuu for the briefest moment before turning her attention elsewhere – the man she was hanging off of to be specific.

They never introduced themselves. The man just walked right up to Grandpa and shot him a hideously forced smile. “I’m sure you know why we’re here.”

“The guns, I’m assuming.”

“Smart boy.” The man said, petting the girl beside him like she was some kind of animal. Yuu felt something twist in the pit of his stomach – who the hell had enough audacity to disrespect someone in their own _home_. However, Yuu didn’t voice his anger – it was something Grandpa had attempted to train out of him and, well, the lesson sometimes stuck. “But that’s not all. I have a proposal.”

Grandpa leaned against the counter with a sigh, shaking his head. “And everyone in this business knows how I feel about proposals.”

He didn’t do them. No matter what kind of force, threats or bribes any organization used against him. It was one of Grandpa’s codes – you could make more money selling to a range of people, and so remaining neutral was his best bet in protecting his way of life.

“Yes I know it very well, but you see Goddess is growing – we’re only getting larger and larger each day. We’ve already conquered half of the old territory in the north—“

“And that’s only because no one wants it.”

The man crossed his arms. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could the woman cut him off.

“No one _did_ want it but Goddess was able to make it profitable. We’ve been developing a customer base there that’s something incredible, and if you think about the statistics we’ll have a goldmine in—“

“ _Darling,_ ” He snarled. “Shut up.”

Yuu expected her to protest, put up _some_ kind of fight (it’s what Grandpa would have done – he didn’t let anyone talk to him that kind of way, and he taught Yuu the same.) To his surprise, she only listened.

“As I was saying,” The man continued. He tried to force himself to calm down, but the anger at the woman was apparent in his voice. “We’re growing. We’ll be the most powerful gang in this country in a matter of years.”

“That’s fine.” Grandpa sighed, running his fingers along the edge of a box. He was obviously itching to get rid of it – get the whole ordeal over with. “Just give me my money and get on with it.”

The man gritted his teeth. “We’ve done some real serious research into this, I don’t think you understand the opportunity we’re presenting you with here. We’re going to take over this shore town and if you’re not on our side—“

Take over? Yuu’s eyes widened. So did the woman’s.

“You never told _me_ that was in our plans.” She started, scandalized. “Don’t you think – “

“We don’t care _what_ you think!” Snapped the older man – furious for a single moment, and then seeming to remember he was in front of other people. He sighed, collecting himself as he smoothed down a flyaway hair. “Listen, you have so many wonderful ideas, and they’re great baby, but I Just need you to stand there and agree with all of mine.”

She didn’t reply, but Yuu could tell she had a hell of a lot to say.

“Just…go get the boy so he can load up our order. Wait in the car, I’ll be right out.”

She shot him a glare, but managed to mumble out a quiet ‘yes’. Yuu wondered where her breaking point was and the longer he was in the presence of the two he wanted to see it; hell, he’d settle for anyone putting the old bastard in his place.

The man regarded Grandpa once more, his eyes hard, but confident. Grandpa had a similar look in his eyes – he was never one to crack under pressure – not the pressure of anyone, important gangster or not.

“What’s your final answer?”

Grandpa scratched the back of his head, the image of nonchalance as he let out a sigh. “I enjoy your business and mean no disrespect, but like I said, I have no interest.”

The man’s hands balled into fists at his sides. He forced out a “Fine” the vein now visibly popping out of his forehead. He might have said more, but at that moment the door swung open.

The door swung open and Yuu tried his hardest to suppress his smile. It was one of the boys from the previous night, Yune. His chance!

“Just do your damn job!” The man yelled at Yune, pushing past him to storm out the door. He slammed it behind him, but Yuu didn’t flinch, he was far too focused on his excitement bubbling up within him to focus on much else.

Yune only rolled his eyes, apparently used to such treatment and handed Grandpa a roll of bills. Grandpa gestured to the boxes on the floor and turned. “The order’s over there.” He said to the boy. Shooting Yuu an exasperated look – obviously he wasn’t expecting to have the whole persuasive number worked on him by the gangsters, and Yuu knew he never liked dealing with them. “Now come on Yuu.”

“Ah…” Yuu shook his head. “Um…I think I’m going to help.” Grandpa was obviously confused, but he didn’t question it. He merely carried himself up the stairs with a small grumble – too tired to argue his point with anyone else for the day.

Once they were left alone, Yuu regarded Yune with a grin. “I was hoping I’d see one of you again!”

“I’m happy about this too!” Yune said, leaping to hug Yuu like they were the best of friends. It made Yuu’s insides warm up. It was nice to be treated like he belonged. He liked the feeling of not being an outcast. He’d do anything to keep it. “Ruki and Kai have been talking about you nonstop!”

Yuu felt his face flush at the thought. He’d never had anyone care about him and it surprised him to hear that others did – especially Ruki, who’d barely even seemed to like him at all. Laughing off his embarrassment he shook his head. “Really?” He shook his head again, quickly trying to change the subject. “So who were those two assholes? Must be really important, huh?”

And when the words had left Yuu’s mouth he’d wished they hadn’t. Immediately, Yune’s face darkened – he’d tried to recover and plaster his smile back on his face but Yuu didn’t even need to hear his next words to know. “They are not to be spoken about. And it’s much safer to have no idea at all.” Yune pulled away from the hug. He smile turned more genuine. “Sure hope you weren’t joking when you said you’d help with these boxes.”

 

_“I was so happy. It felt so incredibly lucky to be able to see one of them again. The night I’d ‘saved’ Ruki had been so much fun. Well, after they untied me at least.”_

_“Fun?”_

_“Yeah! Well, I was talking in a frenzy, explaining how I thought Ruki was being stalked by Kai and they loved it. Howled with laughter, even when I explained everything so seriously. We ended up talking the whole night. Playing around. Making jokes. They treated me like they’d known me forever.”_

_“Did it feel that special?”_

_“Yes. God, yes.”_

 

Yuu closed his eyes, thinking on how merely a week ago he’d never imagined he’d be in a car with people who he could call friends (at least, that’s what they insisted on being called). He’d never imagined he’d have friends in the first place (and they kept assuring him that, yes, that’s what they were).

But hell, life was unpredictable and one moment you’re tied up in an alleyway, the next your joking your way out of a misunderstanding and the next, still, you’re leaning your head against the back seat of Kai’s car, the breaks screeching as they came to a halt in front of an incredibly shoddy apartment building with an old woman in hole-y clothes smoking in front of it with her balding dog. “What are we doing?” Yuu asked, being practically dragged out of the car by Ruki, whose hand was pleasantly warm around his own. He tried not to think about.

“We’re getting you drunk, Yuu, we have to celebrate being reunited. We have to celebrate the future.”

Yuu groaned. “Grandpa won’t like this.”

Ruki scoffed. “What a bitch.”

 

_”I’d tried all my life to make friends and all of a sudden these complete strangers come into my life and make it all so easy.”_

_“Sounds like a fairytale.”_

_“In a warped sense. A very warped sense.”_

 

It was a month post their group’s initial meeting and Yuu found himself frequently in the care of the three boys.

Sneaking out of windows became a habit.

“Why do you need to?” Ruki questioned, one hand on his hip, the other poking into Yuu’s chest. “You’re an adult, can’t you leave whenever you want to?”

But it just wasn’t that simple (not that Ruki was hearing any of that) and Yuu couldn’t just _disappoint_ Grandpa. If there was one thing Grandpa stressed it was staying out of trouble, and gang affiliated friends didn’t exactly count as following those instructions.

Yuu sighed.

He never was never one for breaking rules, but he guessed that people changed. That people _had_ to change.

“If I were you,” Ruki mumbled. “I’d build my own path, ever thought of that?”

Yuu swallowed. Almost uncomfortable, except he wasn’t because that’s ‘just how Ruki is’ (that’s what Kai and Yune always told him at least, along with ‘it takes him a while to warm up to people.’) (Yuu always felt like Ruki was exceptionally bad at warming up to _him._ )

“Leave him alone!” Kai defended, his hand on Yuu’s shoulders. “Yuu has family that care about him, unlike us. He has a future with his Grandpa. Maybe even a happy ending. Why would he ruin that?”

Ruki rolled his eyes. “In favor of growing some balls, maybe.”

 

_”It really got to me, his words.”_

_“I never thought you were the type to be effected by things like that.”_

_“Back then, yeah. I just wanted to be accepted.”_

 

The next time Yuu went out he didn’t return home for several days. And he felt good about himself. He was finally doing as Ruki said – living by his own rules. Finally growing up.

And he didn’t worry about anything – not when he finally earned a smile from Ruki. Not when the whisky stopped burning on the way down (or he got better at pretending it didn’t, at least). Not when his friends were so warm and welcoming and Kai’s couch felt like a second home.

It was when he first got that the idea that maybe it’s what he wanted forever.

Maybe he wanted to be with that group of boys forever.

“Do what you want.” Ruki had said.

But Yuu had a hope – a feeling, he could say – that Ruki wanted that too. And it made him the kind of happy he was unfamiliar with.

He did return home, however.

His happiness did not extend to Grandpa.

But that was ok. What could he do?

The argument started almost the second Yuu set foot in the door. Grandpa kept his displeasure down to a glare for a moment, but that was all he could manage. He snarled out in that voice that Yuu rarely got to hear, his face beat red and vein popping out of his forehead as lectured. “Look, I don’t like what you’re doing with your life.”

Yuu didn’t back down. He straightened up, looking Grandpa in the eyes “So?”

“ _So,_ you’re going to stop. I saw them, Yuu, I know what kind of people you’re getting involved with and it goes against everything we’ve talked about! Everything I’ve taught you!”

“I’m an adult. I can’t rely on you to make my decisions for me.”

“Yuu, it’s _dangerous_! It doesn’t matter what the hell you are, you are not going to sacrifice the life I tried this damn _hard_ to protect!”

“So, what? What are you going to do?” Yuu’s eyes narrowed. His heart began banging against his chest, and the words just came tumbling out of his mouth before he could think to stop them. “You going to disown me? Toss me away like you did to Mom?”

Grandpa winced. His face paled. He was furious, but not in a way Yuu had ever encountered. “Yuu, you will not talk to me that way.”

Yuu’s nails dug into his palms – he wasn’t sure what did it, but something snapped – years of anger came rising up from within him. “You don’t understand what this feels like!” Yuu screamed, now on the verge of tears and only halfway knowing why.

“I lost my daughter, Yuu, and I…”

“Whatever! I don’t want to hear it!” Yuu grabbed the door handle and propelled it open. When it slammed behind him he didn’t look back. He did not regret. There was no guilt in his heart. It was what had to be done: bulldoze the first obstacle in the way of making his own path. He did not think about it. 

He promised himself he wouldn’t

 

_”I was so stupid…”_

_“Have you spoken to him since then?”_

_“It’s. Well, it’s complicated. But, well, no. Not really. I know where he is, though. I know he’s doing ok.”_

_“Do you think he’d like to hear from you?”_

_“I’m not sure.”_

 

Yuu’s face was hot and flooding with tears when he gets off the bus.

The roads were familiar by then, and he navigated them with determination. Each step pounding forcefully against the asphalt. He soon found himself in front of that familiar, run down apartment building, one which he makes no haste climbing the stairs of. His fist bangs the door harder than he intended, and it only took a moment for it to fly open.

“What!” Screamed the man who answered it: Ruki.

Aoi’s tearful eyes went wide – he hadn’t been expecting him. He’d been expecting, well, Kai, the owner of the apartment. In response all Yuu managed was a hiccup and then even more sobs. He found himself crying uncontrollably.

Through misty eyes he saw Ruki scratch the back of his head – expression jumping from angry to soft in a mere instant. “Hey,” He tried, sounding a million times more sincere than he had just moments ago. “Hey,” He tried once more, pulling Yuu by the collar of his shirt into Kai’s apartment. He hugged Yuu tight, and Yuu allowed himself to melt into the warmth. He allowed himself not to question anything.

 

_”Kai took me in. Ruki was already living with him on and off, depending on whether or not he could hold down an apartment at the moment.”_

_“I never pegged General Kai as the generous type.”_

_“He can be. Oh, he can be cruel too, but he’s incredibly sweet when he wants to be. Anyway, I lived with them from that point on. Very soon I did what I left Grandpa to do. I joined Goddess.”_

 

“Are you sure?” Yune asked. All four boys were sitting in a circle, talking in whispers about the future in their makeshift meeting room: the kitchen floor.

Yuu nodded. “Extremely.”

“It can be dangerous.” Kai said.

“You’ll have to kill.” Ruki added, his eyes meeting Yuu’s dangerously. Yuu straightened up at the gesture. He knew Ruki thought he was soft. He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of being right.

“I can handle this. It’s what I want.” Yuu assured. He tried to convince himself, too.

“Well,” Ruki began. “It’s tradition to choose a name – something different from your previous one. Something to detach yourself from the past and protect the people in it.”

“The final step to becoming Goddess.” Kai chimed.

“Have you made your decision?” Ruki asked, making Yuu painfully aware of all the attention that was focused on him in that moment.

Yuu nodded. He’d made his decision. “Aoi. I want to be called Aoi. My mother’s name.” He was ready for the future.

“Welcome to Goddess, Aoi.” Ruki said, not sounding as proud as his words lead on.

But that was fine. Aoi was ready for everything.

 

_”I thought I was at least. I remember the first time I killed.”_

_“It’s…much different than you’d ever imagine, isn’t it? That feeling…”_

_“It’s not something I was prepared for.”_

_“Mm. No matter how it happens no one is, Yuu.”_

 

His face was as dark as his words “The four of us will have an hour to take down the guardians of the eastern ward.” Yune said, reviewing their orders. The guardians were three men singled out by Goddess. They’d been uncooperative in letting Goddess conduct business there, and so they’d have to die, as was Goddess law. Give up your territory or be crushed beneath Goddesses rule.

It was Aoi’s first big mission, and he was understandably nervous.

He didn’t let it show on his face, he couldn’t risk letting the others know his fears, especially not Ruki. He had to prove himself. To everyone.

“I’m ready.” He said, sitting on his shaking hands. He stared down at the gun in front of him, lying meekly on the table, but far more foreboding than he could handle.

 

_”I had no way of preparing myself for what it would be like.”_

 

“Are you ok?” Kai had asked, putting his hand on Aoi’s shaking shoulder. They were all dead – just as they should’ve been and Aoi was looking dead in the face of the one he’d killed.

Aoi swallowed, obviously not. He couldn’t find the words to voice that though.

Ruki sighed. “It gets easier. Don’t worry.” And it took everyone by surprise, not only Aoi.

Ruki wasn’t exactly the comforting type, not to Aoi anyway.

“I don’t think guns suit you.” He said, prying the metal from Aoi’s hands.

Aoi only nodded – words still eluding him. He agreed, and not only because the words were coming out of Ruki’s mouth.

 

_”My relationship with Ruki was strange at first, that much was certain but it was so nice to finally see him open up to me. Even if it was only a little bit. Yune and I also became somewhat close too.”_

 

“Do you…Do you miss your Grand Father?”

 

_”It was an unexpected question to say the least. Especially out of the blue like that. At that point it had been three months since I’d joined Goddess and we didn’t talk about the past. Everyone knew I was sensitive about it – especially with the time to think about what I’d done; how I’d destroyed my relationship with Grandpa.”_

 

“Why?” Aoi had asked carefully.

Yune swallowed. He regarded Aoi seriously. “The boss is planning payback for him refusing to work with Goddess. The boss wants to have his shop raided, and if he happens to be there at the time, I’m almost certain he’ll end up dead.”

Aoi blinked. “How do you know that?”

 

_”Yune worked directly under the boss.”_

_“So he must have seen the boss before and everything?”_

_“I’m assuming so. Even I’ve never seen the boss. I wouldn’t know what they looked like, even if they were standing right in front of me.”_

_“You could’ve asked.”_

_“He’d never tell. When it came to the boss Yune was always very on edge. Something about the boss terrified him to his core. Though I could never pinpoint what exactly.”_

_“What did you do? About your Grandpa?”_

_“Yune accompanied me to his house. I slid an envelope under the door – one with a key attached. It was a warning about what would happen and instructions on what to do. The key was to Yune’s old family home.”_

_“Wow, he must’ve been generous.”_

_“He was a great man. He really was. But well, he told me that Goddess had his life and that he wouldn’t need the place anyway. That’s the real reason why he gave it to him. That was the last contact I’ve had with my Grandpa. I’m grateful I got to apologize, not to his face, but at least in that letter. So I’m not sad about it anymore. I try not to be sad about it anymore.”_

 

When Ruki knocked on the door it was only ever a courtesy. He’d always barge right in no matter what; it was a bad habit of his.

Aoi flinched when he heard the door open, but he figured it was too late to run. Ruki would find him regardless. And he did. He found Aoi on the kitchen floor, head against the counter and knees pulled up to his chest. 

“Um…Sorry” Ruki apologized, ruffling his own hair, eyes wide at the mess in front of him. “Are you, uh, ok down there?” He asked. 

“I’m fine.” Aoi sighed. It wasn’t completely wrong. He wasn’t in the mood to be happy, sure, but he wasn’t doing horrible either. He mostly wanted company, and Ruki was a welcome provider of that. “Sit down.” Aoi said and Ruki did. He sat down across from Aoi and rested the back of his own head against the island.

“So what’s up? Why you down here?” 

Aoi shook his head. “Do you have a family, Ruki?” He asked – blunt as ever and straight to the point.

Aoi caught how Ruki stiffened. Despite that he answered, his voice rough and each one of his words carefully calculated. “I left my parents of my own free will. I never needed them, nor did they need me. And no I don’t need you to feel bad for me. I think it’s very clear that I don’t care.”

Aoi smiled softly. It was always somewhat endearing to him how hard Ruki acted. “You know better than anyone that I’m the last one to judge about being emotional.” Aoi chuckled. “I was just thinking…about Grandpa.”

Ruki winced. “You must miss him so much. I’m so sorry, it’s my fault you two aren’t together anymore, I—“

“Your fault?” Aoi asked, eyebrow raising. 

“Yeah. You left him for me. Because I made you think you needed too.”

 

_”It all seemed pretty out of character for him. At that point I’d been in the gang for almost a year –jumped two ranks in that short amount of time, and had spent quite a bit of time getting to know my friends. Ruki was the exception. He stayed elusive.”_

 

“I do, honestly. I do miss him sometimes.” Aoi said. “But it’s fine. I’m okay like this.”

“You’re a damn liar.” Ruki scoffed. Aoi could tell he’d be smiling if it wasn’t such a serious situation. “Look at you.” He said, and Aoi realized then that his eyes were misting over, that tears were falling from them. That’s all it took, huh? For someone to point out what he didn’t want to face, and then he’d turn into a crying mess? “Tell the truth Aoi.” Ruki crawled over to him on his hands and knees, wrapped his arms around Aoi’s neck and buried his face in his collarbone. Aoi flinched, but didn’t make any move to push him away.

“I know it’s hard for you. You’re used to being taken care of.” It was awkward, but Aoi pushed that to the back of his mind. It’s what he wanted, after all, to have Ruki open up to him. To have him be kind to him. “Well, it’s ok. From now on I’ll take care of you.”

 

_”So Yuu, you and him were…”_

_“Well, more than friends, yes. That’s what we became around that time.”_

_“Ah…Is that right…”_

_”Does that bother you?”_

_“No! No no no, not at all. It doesn’t! Not at all…”_

 

“Ruki?”

“Yeah?”

Aoi took a deep breath; nervous wasn’t something he was often, but he felt it strongly then. He’d been thinking about this for a while after all. He wouldn’t know what to do if Ruki didn’t like the idea. “I want a tattoo. Something to symbolize the past, and something to symbolize what’s important to me now, in the present.”

 

_”And that’s why I got my two tattoos.”_

_“Did you cry?”_

_“Ruki thought I would too. But no, thank you very much, I handle pain very well.”_

 

“I have something for you, Aoi.” Ruki said, hiding his hands behind his back.

“Really? For what?”

“Well. I’ve been thinking really hard about it since I want it to be something important, but I think you’ll love it.” Ruki smiled, and the only word that came to mind was ‘cute.’ “You’ve finally became a General, and I think it’s proper that we celebrate.”

Ruki took the small, long box from behind his back and presented t to Aoi, who smiled and shook the box playfully, trying to hear what was inside.

“Woooow. I wonder what it could be!”

“Just hurry up and open it!” Ruki urged.

Aoi laughed. Ruki’s thinly veiled excitement was just too much for him to handle. He considered dragging it out, but ultimately he decided against it. He pealed back the wrapping paper, discarded it and took the lid off the box. He looked inside and gasped. “The thing’s ugly as hell.”

“ _What!?_ ”

“I _said_ -“

“I heard what you said!” Ruki snapped, snatching the box out of Aoi’s hands before promptly putting on his puppy eyes. He pouted, the image of innocence as if he hadn’t just looked like he’d been _this_ close to strangling Aoi. He would’ve called the brunette out on it, but Ruki started whining, “I can’t believe you’d treat me like this when I’m trying to give you a gift.” He gazed down at his present, trying his hardest to look sad.

Aoi rolled his eyes, but he knew better than to let out the laugh he wanted to. Instead he sighed and said “Hand it over.” Palm outstretched and ready to receive the gaudy looking thing.

Ruki replied with glare and folded arms. “No. You don’t even want it.”

“ _Come on!_ ”

“No!” Ruki said, almost tripping over himself when Aoi reached for it.

But Ruki was no match for him and they both knew that.

Aoi snatched the damn thing out his hand. “Thank you.” And took it out of the box. He turned it over in his hand and smiled, it was gaudy that was for sure. It was gaudy and flashy and the perfect embodiment of Ruki.

“That knife will be really important to you one day.” He said, and Aoi shook his head.

“It already is. You almost killed me with it, how could forget something like that?”

 

_“That’s…That’s how it started.”_

_“How what started?”_

_“The beginning of the end.”_

_“I don’t understand…”_

_“This was when everything changed, Kouyou. This was what did it. This was how I killed him.”_

 

Kai crouched low, hidden in the shadows close to the wall. Aoi was on the opposite side of the street, two flights up on the fire escape of some random building. Their targets would be rounding the corner around midnight, their intel had informed them.

It was five minutes past and they were anxiously waiting and ready to kill.

Aoi saw them before Kai did – his body stiffening, his breath quietening. He didn’t take their eyes off of them but he didn’t make a move towards them either. They had to play this carefully, just as they had planned. Once Kai moved, he would.

Aoi licked his lips, the knife he held steady in his firm grip seeming to calm him, that was the effect it had on him. The six men were close to where Kai was now, but they still hadn’t seen him. A few more steps and—

And Kai leapt into action, katana drawn, and swung, slashing through the body of his unprepared target. He should have been more vigilant. His mistake.

None of the survivors even had time to gasp before Aoi dropped from his perch and landing directly on the back of the one of the other men, shattering his spine and killing him instantly. Aoi tried to recover quickly, acutely aware of the now-drawn guns trained on him; Aoi rolled to the side to avoid the fire which he did with grace.

Kai cursed, jabbing his sword into the stomach of one of their targets and then in the same breath slashing through the chest of another and while the attention was momentarily drawn towards him, Aoi moved. He pushed his knife beneath the ribs of one of the smaller targets and by time he dislodged the knife from the man’s body he looked around to find he was standing amidst a pile of carnage, and no longer a group of Goddess disruptors.

“Fuck,” Kai cursed again, biting his bottom lip as he sheathed his katana.

“We make quiet the team.” Aoi said, laugh breathy. 

Kai nodded in response, wiping the sweat from his brow. “Wish we didn’t have to do this at all.” Kai said. “Unfortunate we have to reunite under these circumstances.”

And it truly was unfortunate. Whereas before they could move between their respective districts freely – now they had been practically chained in place. A gang that hadn’t given them problems until recently was rising; Karasu.

They were trying to take over. They were attacking from every angle, infiltrating every district, killing hundreds of Goddess men and it was becoming increasingly difficult to hold them back. Low levels couldn’t be trusted to take out the skilled informants whose bodies were lying around them, and so Kai had been ordered to help Aoi clean up his district.

“Have you been to any of the other districts? Seen the others?”

Aoi shook his head in response. “Well, just Ruki, but—“

“But that’s to be expected.” Kai said, causing Aoi to blush. He continued. “I’ve seen Yune recently. He’s been…strange.”

Aoi rose an eyebrow, curious. Concerned.

“He. Seems really stressed out – a lot of babble about the boss, and he’s been asking all these strange moral questions.”

“Well that sure does sound like Yune.” Aoi joked. He’d been like that even before the rise of Karasu. Well, a few weeks before it to be specific. Rambling on about ‘her revenge’ and puppets – things Aoi didn’t even think to try to understand. Things he’d just chalked up to a break down in his mental stability. It was common in their business.

“It does.” And he knew Kai shared his hoped that it was nothing serious.

 

_”We should have payed more attention to him.”_

_“Hm?”_

_“He knew what he was talking about, and we didn’t listen.”_

_“It’s in the past. You shouldn’t worry about those kinds of things.”_

_“Kouyou, the past is my everything.”_

 

Ruki was on one side of him and Kai was on the other, each holding down an arm. 

Aoi saw something like thin metal tongs and he reared up, attempting to flail. The two men on either side of him put a stop to that. Soon as he was pushed back down onto the makeshift hospital bed, kicking and screaming all the while. There were screams of frustration, and soft coos of assurance all around him and they all bleed into one solid buzz of sound in his ears. 

Aoi’s teeth were grinding against each other when Kai sat on his arm, finally holding him steady. “Just be still!” He yelled, and the words almost registered in his mind, but they didn’t. Not fully.

In his mind’s eye, Aoi’s saw faces – bleeding faces, burning faces. The faces of subordinates he’d had hopes for. Of friend’s whose dreams he’d believed in.

The metal object dug into his shoulder.

Aoi strained against the arms around him. He felt Ruki bend to bury his face in the opposite shoulder, kissing and comforting.

Aoi screamed, he knew he did, but he could not hear the sound pass his lips.

In his mind’s eye he saw guns – trained on the people he was ordered to lead, mowing them down one by one. He saw himself and his people cornered and with no hope of escape, fighting a lost cause and clearly outnumbered.

Aoi felt the tongs scrape against bone as they tightened around the metal lodged beside his shoulder. He was practically howling then. He could see Kai’s face, his brow creased in exertion, his mouth moving with words of encouragement. He was becoming blurry.

It was like feeling that bullet lodge itself in him once more, only worse, when they ripped the thing out of him. He could see it, misshapen and covered in blood and dragging out chunks of him with it.

Aoi saw the makeshift doctor grab a bottle of scotch from beside the table and pour it into his wound. He body was so wrought with pain he couldn’t distinguish new pain from that which he was already suffering from. When the doctor ran the flame over the needle and the stuck it in his flesh, however, his nerve endings were on fire – screaming out for relief that did not come until he finally blacked out.

He drifted in and out of consciousness, but he was still somewhat aware. He felt himself crying – not at the pain he felt. It was the shame of losing the gang land – of losing lives that causes the tears to fall from his eyes. It was the shame of failure. It was the desire to disappear, to be dead like all the people he watched die, to be back home in Grandpa’s shop away from things like suffering and with Grandpa’s encouraging words behind his back.

He almost thought he heard Grandpa’s voice, but that couldn’t have been right.

 

_”People were injured so often back then they’d run out of anesthesia. It was a commodity those days.”_

_“Fuck.”_

_“It was hard. But we endured it. We really just…wanted to fight Karasu with everything. I. Well, I wanted to give up, but I wanted to fight with all I had in equal parts.”_

 

It was months later and Ruki had come to visit, which he did often and did without warning. Aoi heard him open the door, heard him call his name, and heard him pad through his flat. He didn’t answer his call. A part of him didn’t want to be found, not in the state he was in, but he knew there was nowhere to hide.

His office was where Ruki found him, his forehead pressed against the edge of his desk as he cried quietly, shoulders shaking.

“…God.” He heard Ruki whisper. “God, Aoi, what’s wrong?” Soon, there was nothing but the feeling of Ruki’s fingers lifting his chin to look him in the eyes. “What happened?”

Aoi shook his head. “It’s just. Overwhelming sometimes to…think I’m responsible for all these people.”

“I know, I know.” He whispered, his face pressed into Aoi’s hair. “Fuck, this is all my fault.” He said, pulling away.

Aoi hiccupped, wiping his face dry with the back of his hand. “Don’t say that.”

“I’ll get you out of this…”

“ _No one_ gets out of this, Ruki.” And it was true – the only way out of Goddess was to die, especially for someone as highly ranked as he was – someone who knew as much as he did.

“I’ll find a way.”

Aoi averted his eyes – he could feel the tears stinging in them once more. “You promise?” And he cursed himself for how meek his voice sounded.

“I promise.”

And he cursed himself for being weak enough to rely on such promises.

 

_“I didn’t hold a gun to his head. But I did make him love me.”_

 

“I haven’t heard from him, no. Have you tried Yune yet?”

Aoi groaned into the phone. “ _Yes_ I’ve tried Yune.” His voice came out harsher than expected. He mentally recoiled.

“Well,” Kai went on, not sounding the least bit irritated. He was always so patient and level headed, Aoi admired that about him. But most of all he felt guilty that Kai had to put up with him. “I haven’t heard from him, but I also haven’t heard anything about him. I’m sure he’s safe. Just keep waiting.”

“…thank you.” Aoi mumbled, hanging up the phone.

The war was raging on, and Ruki was disappearing for days on end. And he wasn’t doing much as far as explaining _why_ exactly he kept disappearing. Aoi was beginning to find he hated mystery.

Aoi supposed he would go out and try Ruki’s usual bars, look for him there. And hopefully find him safe and sound, but the second he slipped his jacket out there was a knock at his door.

Eagerly, he ran to pull the thing open, and just as he reached the door it unlocked and behind it was none other than Ruki himself. He smiled at Aoi as he shut the door. Aoi watched him toe off his shoes and stretch – to which he responded with a quirked eyebrow and a “Whatcha staring for?”

So he was trying to play it off, huh?

“Where have you been?” Aoi tried, hoping his attempt at remaining calm was paying off.

Ruki shrugged, pushing past him and walking into the living room. Aoi followed him, but he didn’t sit next to Ruki on the couch he flopped himself onto it. He stood, arms folded, in front of it. He would not back down. He would not let Ruki brush this off.

“I’ve been worried about you, you know. So has Kai. Yune’s been worried too.”

“When isn’t Yune worried these days?”

“Don’t joke about that! You know how stressful it’s been recently…”

“For you especially.” Ruki added softly, eyes averted.

“What?”

“Did you forget what I promised you already?” He asked, eyes almost looking as if they were going to go misty. “I’m trying to find a way to get you out of this. I’ve been doing a lot of asking around. That’s all.”

“And that’s what’s causing you to keep disappearing, Ruki? In the middle of this war, that’s what been keeping you away for days on end?” Aoi finally sat down next to Ruki. He grabbed his hand, looked into his eyes, and put on his most convincing smile. “I’m ok like this. Karasu has to be our top priority and –“

“Shh, Aoi, it’s ok.” Ruki interrupted, rubbing his thumb over the back of Aoi’s hand. “I’m going to find you a way out of this.” He knew what Ruki was implying – that he knew Aoi was lying about being ok. And he hated that. He was so weak. No mattered what he did. “But I think, the more I look into it, I think I’m starting to find something a little strange.”

“Strange?”

Ruki shook his head. “You’re my first priority, you know that.” Ruki ran his tongue over his bottom lip, thinking carefully about how to place his next words. “But there’s something going on, Aoi. Something darker happening behind Goddess and Karasu. And I want to know more.”

“Well, will you tell me what you’ve found out, at least?”

“In due time.”

 

_“Yuu, what did he find out?”_

_“I’m not sure. He never got the chance to tell me.”_

 

Yuu picked up the phone with a sigh. “No, Yune, I don’t where Ruki is.”

Yuu heard him let out a breathy laugh – one his heart wasn’t all the way in. It made him think of the infectious laughter that would bubble out of him and Kai without repose, but those days were long gone. “Can’t I just call to talk to my favorite friend in the world?”

“It’s not that you can’t, just that you haven’t in ages.” Aoi rolled his eyes. “Now tell me, what are you really calling for?”

“Well…Ruki.”

“See! Knew it.”

“Yeah, yeah.” A small pause and the air shifted. The nature of the conversation was suddenly deadly serious. “Can you pass a message on to Ruki for me? You’ll see him before I do.”

“Sure.” Aoi nodded even though Yune couldn’t see it.

“Well, tell Ruki the boss isn’t happy with his snooping. He needs to stop if he knows what’s best for him.” And with that, he hung up.

Aoi was shocked, to say the least. Warnings…maybe even threats? From Yune? That was the last thing Aoi expected. He wondered what the hell Ruki was getting himself into.

 

_”They’d argue a lot, those two. Every time they’d see each other it was always hushed whispers, and snide remarks.”_

 

The war persisted. Every day moving forward there was more and more death. More and more friends gone. More and more bodies to bury and cops to pay off.

And so when Aoi woke up to an empty bed, he was angry. He was angry because, again, Ruki was off looking for things he shouldn’t be. Again, Ruki was neglecting effort he could be focusing on the war searching for secrets and loopholes in the gangs ‘loyal to us until you die’ agreement.

But most of all he was angry it himself. _It’s all your fault._ a voice in his head would sing over and over again relentlessly. Ruki was working himself into exhaustion, and all because he was too weak to do anything about it.

As Aoi’s began to wake up more and more something became clear to him – he heard voices. They were faint, but very much present. Ruki was still there – and with someone else.

He got out of bed, arms wrapped around himself in the chilly night air. He tip toed through his apartment, instinct telling him it would be best to remain unnoticed.

He made it down the stairs without being seen or heard and from there he could barely hear Yune’s words, but in the soft silence of his apartment he could just barely make them out. “ _Please_ stop looking for answers, I know where this ends and it’s not good for anyone!”

Aoi strained even further, attempting with all his might to make out Ruki’s response.

“I can’t listen to you. I have a promise to keep. I don’t break promises.”

And that’s where it was all abandoned, that’s where Yune began to yell. “Don’t you understand that I’m trying to protect you!?”

“Of course I do, but I can’t listen! I’m sorry, but I can’t!”

Aoi watched Yune bite his lip, his shaking hands balled into fists at his side. He made a frustrated noise, his face bright red with anger as he stormed out of the house. He slammed the door behind him and it shook the entire pent house.

Aoi found himself wincing at the sound. He found himself walking into the living room to comfort Ruki.

 

_”I felt so stuck. I’d never been so completely helpless in my life, and if there was anything that made me aware of that fact it was then.”_

 

Aoi was expecting Yune to come knocking and so he wasn’t surprised when he saw him behind his door. Ruki had been gone for days again. Yune usually liked to appear in those moments, offering advice and warnings that Ruki never headed, even if they were passed on to him by Aoi himself.

Aoi frowned at his friend. His hair was wild, he’d thinned out considerably, and the circles beneath his eyes were more prominent than ever. Aoi found himself feeling guilty for ever having felt sorry for himself – the war had taken its biggest toll on Yune and that was obvious to see. What right did he have to complain? To put Ruki’s life in danger for him? “Can I come in?” Yune mumbled, even that seeming to take a great deal of effort. Aoi offered him a soft nod, leading him into his home. They sat across each other at his kitchen island and Aoi took a deep breath.

“I know you’re looking for Ruki.”

An averted stare. A soft sigh.

“What for?” Aoi prodded gently – hoping to perhaps get a solid answer this time.

Yune shook his head. “There’s not much I can say…I want to, Aoi, I do. It’s dangerous to. I just need him to stop.” Yune looked into his eyes – almost like he was close to tears. “Need him to stop very soon. Very badly. Please…if anyone can stop him it’s you. Please.”

 

_”I should have listened. I should have stopped Ruki. I should have tried harder, I--”_

_“Yuu, there’s nothing you could’ve done.”_

_“You’re wrong. So wrong.”_

 

“I trust all of you.” The distorted voice said over the speakers. Kai, Aoi, and Ruki all squirmed in their seats. It was never a pleasant experience talking with the boss, even through the barrier of a screen. Aoi would’ve said Yune was lucky, but only god knew where Yune was. He stopped making appearances days prior. The boss continued, voice sounding harsh as ever through the voice distorter. “So far, you’ve proven to be incompetent. Hundreds of people have died because of you, do you hear me?”

“Yes” They all answered in unison, heads hung in shame as they addressed the TV hung above them – nothing but static was on the screen but that’s the way it always was when they were talking with the Boss.

“Now, next week is the final stand. It will be a massive uprising that we hope to use to suppress all Karasu activity within our borders, while securing more land for ourselves. We have negotiators ready and we will have the better end of whatever deal that we strike. But that means that the muscle – and that means you – need to pull their weight.”

In the midst of silence, the Boss continued.

“I’ll have all of you demoted if things don’t go well, and so I hope, for your sake, that they do.”

The screen went black.

The room went silent.

It was Kai who spoke first. “Harsh as ever, huh?” He said with a smile, trying to be lighthearted.

Ruki hummed in response. “So it’s all or nothing next weekend, huh?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Kai said. He wasn’t fooling anyone. It was obvious that he was just as worried. 

They all left the room with handshakes and bright smiles that almost felt genuine.

Kai was the only one who went his separate way. Ruki followed Aoi to his door.

They didn’t even make it inside before the truth started spilling from Aoi’s lips, he leaned his head against the door frame with a sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Ruki asked, voice taking on that soft intonation that Aoi had become so familiar with.

“I wish…”

“That this was easy?” Ruki tried.

Aoi answered with a sigh. His throat became tight and the tears started pouring out of him in the way they did so freely those days, spilling down his cheeks and plopping down on the floor. He inhaled deeply, let himself speak his mind. “That you never loved me. That I never loved you.”

Ruki took a moment to respond, but Aoi knew he wasn’t angry. He knew Ruki understood every meaning that Aoi couldn’t convey verbally. And he knew that Ruki always knew what to say. “Remember the beginning? I used to be so mean to you.”

“How could I forget? You damn tortured me.” Aoi laughed, still crying despite that.

“I tried so hard to fight it – to pretend I didn’t feel that way for you. I was so stupid.” Ruki shook his head, sighing. “We always submit to love in the end. There’s no use fighting it. You’ll only end up hurting yourself if you try. I understand that. That’s why I don’t regret this. I’m glad this happened and that I got to experience this.”

Aoi smiled subconsciously. Ruki embraced him, holding him tight. He buried his face in Aoi’s back. 

“I’ll keep my promise – and here’s one more. I’ll be ok Aoi. I won’t get hurt and so you don’t have to worry about me.”

“I trust you.”

 

_”Yuu, are you ok?”_

_“I told you…I’m ok.”_

_“Yuu…”_

_“I’m not going to cry, so just. Please don’t try too hol-…I can do this, Kouyou. I can talk about this._ ”

 

Aoi sprinted down the path, Kai in front of him.

Yune had called. He told him there was trouble along the border of Karasu and Goddess turf; that he and Ruki were there already.

“Do you think they’re ok?” Aoi asked, his palms sweaty and breathing erratic. Not from the running. From something else entirely.

Kai didn’t offer any response at all. No comfort, no encouragement, nothing. He just kept his frantic pace, turning corners, and pushing past civilians on his way to the location.

Aoi knew. As soon as Kai rounded on of the corners and stopped dead, he knew.

Aoi almost tumbled both of them over at the abrupt stop, but he was able to catch himself. “What?” He asked, already fearing the worst. 

“Oh my god.” He heard Kai say, covering his mouth. He watched Kai’s back shake, fixated on what was in front of him. Aoi choose to stare at Kai, too afraid to face what was beyond him. He felt his eyes well up.

“Kai, that’s not funny!” He yelled. “What’s wrong? What is it?” He was getting frantic, but he still refused to look around him. He felt sweat roll down his forehead. “What’s wrong, Kai?”

It was then that Kai turned. He wrapped his arms around Aoi and squeezed, and over his shoulder Aoi saw him. He saw him there on the ground – his head was cocked to the side and his eyes stared off into the distance. Unblinking. Unmoving. Dead. 

“…You promised…”

It was a whisper that no one answered.

 

_“Oh god…”_

_“I don’t…I’m fine, Kouyou.”_

 

Aoi was silent. He was completely still, and he’d never imagined he’d be. He’d always imagined himself screaming, crying, falling into a thousand pieces. Not that he wasn’t. He was, but on the outside his face was straight. He showed no emotion. He imagined he’d almost appear calm.

“Oh my god.” Kai repeated, curling closer into him.

Aoi felt as though he was suspended in air. Like he was a spectator in his own life. Like he was underwater and life was continuing on above the surface – still very much there, but with the scenery distorted and the sound botched – like every sensation was something you could always try to touch but _just_ miss.

Aoi heard himself speak. “What happened to Yune? Where is he?”

Kai only sobbed into his shirt.

Aoi felt himself shove Kai away. He walked over to Ruki and fell to his knees in front of him. He pulled the body into his lap and hunched over it. He stroked it’s hair, it’s face, it’s lips. Cold. Everything was cold. 

Aoi shivered.

“Where’s Yune?”

There was a hand on his shoulder, tearing him away. It could only be Kai’s. Aoi looked towards the man pulling him away and it was, it was Kai. When he looked at the man, reality found him and he made a decision “I’m going to find him. I’m going to find Yune.”

 

_”Kouyou, I’m fine! I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine, dammit! Let go of me! Fuck, let go…let go…please, Kouyou, I’m fine, I…”_

 

He wasn’t thinking straight, but that didn’t matter.

There was emotion and nothing else; no thoughts, no rationality, hell, no sanity. How could there be anything else when Ruki was _gone_. (Dead: that was a word Aoi refused to use – a reality he refused to accept)

Everything was burning; his body was thrumming with a deadly mixture of adrenaline, anger, and grief and it blurred his vision white. It lead his hands into the pocket he kept his knife. A wince - _Ruki’s_ knife.

He bit his lip hard enough for it to bleed.

If it hurt, he didn’t feel it.

His jaw stiffened. His brow creased. The tears rolled hotly down his cheeks, but he didn’t wipe at them.

He flipped out the knife, and with it in hand he walked over towards the fire escape, the alleyway behind the warehouse building bare except for him.

He’d came there on autopilot. He’d managed to get away from Kai with an excuse, and He didn’t know who it was that hurt Ruki, but he was sure it had to be Karasu.

And that night, they would get what they deserved.

Aoi punched through the window of the door on the second floor. His knuckles bleed, but it didn’t matter. He knew it hurt, but he did not feel it.

He climbed through, glass shards embedding themselves in his jacket, and he was inside the warehouse.

He moved like a storm – loud and powerful, strides heavy like thunder as he marched down the hallway. The first man he encountered threw a dagger at him, it grazed his cheek but did nothing to stop him. Aoi grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and plunged his own knife into his eye. He struggled. His hands came up around his wrist and nails dug into his skin, but Aoi was far gone. He could not feel pain. He could not be stopped. Not until Ruki was avenged.

He twisted the knife.

He gritted his teeth.

This gift would be for something. He would not waste it.

 

_”I…don’t remember, um, a lot…of what happened.”_

_“Go slow, its ok.”_

_“Um. I, uh, I killed a lot of people. There was a lot of blood. That’s what I remember next; there was a lot of blood.”_

 

Red – that’s what sent everything crashing to a screeching halt. There was nothing but red.

There was silence in the room – finally – silence and suddenly everything was clear.

There was nothing left.

There was no salvation.

There was no reason for Aoi to go on.

He almost wanted to laugh, but he wasn’t sure why.

He closed his knife, kissed it, and slipped it into his pocket.

He knelt to the body in front of him, picked up a gun, and stood. He straightened himself. He extended his arm, and held the gun to his head.

Somehow his mind seemed to be screaming and silent all at once.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

 

_“I felt someone grab me.”_

 

Gasping, Aoi was forced to turn.

 

_”He was crying when he saw me.”_

 

Aoi had a million racing thoughts travelling through his mind, and the journey took shorter than a second.

 

_“He apologized…I think I understood why, but my brain wouldn’t let me understand. Not at first.”_

 

“I’m sorry.” His face was so red. “I couldn’t bear to see you commit…” He shook his head, cutting himself off.

Aoi swallowed.

Yune sobbed even harder. “I’m sorry. I wish I could…do something. But I can’t, Aoi. I have to make sure you…I have to make sure it ends here.”

 

_“When I looked down I noticed he was holding my one hand while he had a gun pointed to my chest. I’m not sure if I was crying too. I’m not sure.”_

 

Yune’s lips twisted into a grimace.

Aoi was certain of what would come next. 

 

_”I don’t know what happened…”_

 

Aoi jerked his hand out of Yune’s hold.

A moment of impulsion – of panic – of pure animalistic instinct and fate was altered. His gun was aimed at his friend’s head. And he was squeezing the trigger. And by time he was aware of what he was doing the bullet was in the air, it was crashing into Yune’s skull, it was sending him tumbling to the ground.

And his body joined all the rest on the floor.

Aoi fell to his knees. The only one unwounded. The only one alive.

 

_”I killed him.”_

\----

Reita pulled open the door to his hotel room. He toed off his shoes and walked over to the bed in the center of the room, grumbling all the while. The sheets were dingy, and the whole room had a funny smell, but he had no right to complain these days. He sat at the edge of the bed and hung his head, rubbing his temples as if it were the pressure of the information he’d just learned that was causing his headache and not the sleepless nights of moving from place to place in attempt to escape the paranoia.

That, and the police that were after him.

Reita cursed his luck – there he’d been, with Yamato perfectly cornered before him and just after the brief beginning of his story the front door was blasted open.

Before he knew it, in the surprise of it all he’d had his legs kicked out from under him by the police chief and an intruder’s riffle pointed in his direction.

The intruder was one he recognized. He’d never seen him in person, but oh, he’d heard stories. He’d seen his name and face plastered across more hit lists than he could recall. Die, Karasu’s boss.

He remembered scoffing. Luckier and luckier, he got, as the time ticked on.

He’d just barely been able to scramble to his feet and make a dash for a window, bullets flying close enough to graze as he made his escape. Fortunate enough he’d heard enough of Yamato’s story that he’d had a lead or two.

One of which he’d followed to a prostitute he’d just finished speaking to.

The blonde let his eyes screw shut as he gulped down the lump in his throat.

He’d learned a lot – both through Yamato and people he’d managed to track down. He’d been able to piece together most of the story. And now it was over. His investigation was over – he’d taken it as far as it could go. And now, he knew without a doubt, that he would not be able to uncover the story any further – not in good faith, at least. No, it was clear to him. And it caused him a great bit of anxiety to think of the confrontation his realization would bring. He would have to hand off the rest of the workload to Aoi. And there was only one way to do that.

He would have to face him and Uruha.

And he would have to tell the truth. All of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *most of it
> 
> You know, you'd think as someone who hates writing backstories i'd make fics with...less backstory lmao  
> This did take a while, but it's over 10k words (which is like 3x my average) so im forgiven for that, right?  
> Anyway, watcha think? any theories? Did you love it? Did you hate it? Can you believe i just made u read like 15k of Aoi backstory total? Who's mad abt that? whos excited abt Reita being back? I know i am!
> 
> lol, well the next chapter is going smoothly and its one i think everyone will enjoy, so expect it soon! im already like halfway done!


	16. Warmth Is Something To Share

Kouyou sighed, satisfied, as he toweled his hair dry. That was a much needed bath; it felt nice to soak away the day’s exhaustion, especially after the emotional rollercoaster of a day he’d had.

He still couldn’t believe Yuu had spilled it all. Albeit from an emotional distance.

He sighed as he hung up his towel, supposing that hearing the story at all was a feat in and of itself even if Yuu wanted to pretend it didn’t still hurt him. _That_ kind of honesty would come with time.

The blonde pulled his boxers on, seemingly unable to think of anything other than Yuu’s past. He cringed, imagining how hard some aspects of it must have been. Like losing his mother - and for the briefest of moments he thought of his own mother. It was a thought he subdued quickly. Not yet. He wasn’t ready to think about that yet, let alone talk about it. 

He pulled his sweatpants on and began to brush his teeth, his mind beginning to wander once more. Eventually, it passed by Ruki and involuntarily something in his chest tightened. He dropped the toothbrush and it clattered in the sink, drowning in the water. He forced himself to stare – to be distracted. 

“Selfish…” He mumbled to himself, picking the thing up and putting it where it belonged. He spit into the sink and turned the water off before he pulled his damp hair into a ponytail – and it was selfish; to take in the news of someone’s ex-lover dying and to make it about himself. To be jealous.

_’You’re not worth loving’_ s and _’Who would want you’_ s and _’No one will ever love you’_ s were loud in his head for the first time in a long time. He gritted his teeth. Not now – he wouldn’t let that shit get to him _now._

He shook his head and grabbed for the door knob, feeling as if escaping the bathroom would be escaping his thoughts and he was desperate as all hell to leave the fuckers behind. He swung the thing open, tried to step out of the bathroom but before he could even get a foot out he nearly collided with –

“Yuu? What are you doing right there?” Kouyou said, flushing red with embarrassment as if Yuu could hear his thoughts and knew how much of a dumbass he was being. He knew it was stupid, but a part of him still felt somewhat intruded upon.

“I…” The man trailed, wide eyed and holding the blonde’s shoulders for stability. He took a step back, scratching the back of his head. “Was waiting for you.”

“Right outside the door?”

“Well…Yeah.” He looked down – avoiding eye contact – and Kouyou thought that unlike him. He frowned.

“What is it?”

“I was thinking…” He swallowed. “Uhm…” He fidgeted even more, playing with the hem of his t-shirt. “That it’s cold tonight isn’t it?”

Kouyou smiled.

An invitation, huh?

“Yeah. It kind of is.”

“Ok then.” Yuu nodded, like with just that everything had been sorted out, and before he knew it Kouyou had his hand grabbed and he was willingly being led down the hallway; to Yuu’s room.

Once the door was shut behind them, Kouyou pulled his hand free and hugged Yuu from behind, smirking into his neck. “You know, I have this feeling.” Kouyou chuckled besides himself. “I kinda think you were only saying all that cute shit because you want me in your bed.”

Yuu turned around in his hold. “Yeah.” A dead serious expression and in a blur of a moment Yuu’s lips were on his – soft and warm and moving against him. Kouyou couldn’t help but gasp – blush even. He was joking, and Yuu…Yuu wasn’t.

The raven broke the kiss and just stared at him for a heartbeat. It was weird – and Yuu was usually weird – but there was something unusually weird about the look in his eyes. Kouyou was mid motion, hand raised to caress his cheek, to ask him what was wrong, but he was already shrugging away from him. It made Kouyou frown. He felt like he was been pulled close and pushed away at the same damn time - which was often how Yuu made him feel.

The raven left him standing there and laid down on his bed, on his back and supporting himself on his elbows. He stayed like that for a moment, and then frowned, realizing that the blonde wasn’t following him “Come here.” He said, beckoning the still shocked Kouyou closer.

Kouyou gulped. He crawled onto the bed, almost feeling as if he was being pulled by strings. He was confused, but let the situation persist despite that. More than confused he was just curious as to how the situation would continue, and he was willing to let it play out however it did. He was half expecting Yuu to start laughing and play the whole thing off as a joke.

He knelt between Yuu’s legs and stared down into his eyes. They were as dark and deep as ever. Intense, and serious as always. “Kiss me.” He whispered. “Please.”

The blonde obliged, bending down, each hand on either side of the General’s head, and kissed Yuu slowly – carefully almost as if anything too forward could send this interaction crashing to a halt. Yuu, on the other hand was tugging at Kouyou’s sweatpants.

The blonde pulled his hands away, pinning them beside the general’s head – surprised more than anything. He pulled back and stared down at Yuu, who only gazed right back. He took his bottom lip between his teeth and chewed the flesh red and the blonde couldn’t help but want to run his tongue of the area, to soothe it. 

He shook his head.

He took a deep breath.

He wanted to know if this was a joke or not. He wanted to see how far he could take this.

Only one way to find out. 

He kissed Yuu’s forehead, a quick peck, before he tugged the hem of Yuu’s t-shirt. Yuu let him, sat up and made it easier for him, even. He tossed the thing on the floor, and looked back down onto his lover, shock and admiration filling his eyes.

He’d spent so long wanting to see this body up close.

Wanting to admire it.

Kouyou’s eyes widened, distraction tugging his thought at the sight of a certain mark. He ran his fingers over a scar. “Is this from--?”

“Yes.” Yuu cut in. Obviously already knowing what he was going to ask and not wanting to be questioned further.

Kouyou frowned, but didn’t address his response otherwise. He continued to trace circles around the scar, eyes roaming over the rest of Yuu’s body – equally scarred, but he supposed it wasn’t surprising considering he’d been in a gang for all these years.

“You’re beautiful…” Kouyou whispered, and he didn’t know why he said it, but he did know that he meant it. He bent down, replacing the pads of his fingers with his lips and kissed the mark. “Do you know that?” He moved to another scar, smaller by comparison and just beneath his nipple to place a kiss there too, all the while letting his other hand wander over Yuu’s torso. Already, he was forgetting the strangeness of the situation, Yuu in front of him like this.

“You’re such a sap,” Yuu breathed, his whisper strained. Kouyou’s lips moved a tad north. He sucked Yuu’s nipple between his lips, nibbling gently. Yuu’s gasp rung in his ears and ignited something ravenous inside of him – he wanted to hear more sounds like it. He wanted to know what other sounds Yuu would make for him. He rolled his tongue over the bud, his other hand continuing to wander – offering gentle caresses that were soon halted when Yuu’s hand covered his own and squeezed. 

Kouyou pulled away to find hooded eyes looking up at him. Those pouty lips were parted, labored breaths pushing past them and looking entirely too tempting. The blonde leaned up to capture them, again pinning Yuu’s hand beside his head as their lips moved together – soft and gentle and slow and with much more passion then they’d ever kissed with up until then. The blonde was only somewhat surprised when he felt a tongue swipe against his bottom lip but the surprise didn’t stop him from responding with enthusiasm – from sucking Yuu’s tongue into his mouth with a groan and letting his own explore the raven’s willing mouth. 

In the heat of the kiss, the blonde shifted, his hand releasing Yuu’s to instead sift through dark hair, his leg sliding the slightest bit upward and subconsciously _pressing_.

With a gasp and shudder they pulled apart.

_God._

Yuu was hard.

He was hard and his face was flushed red and he was panting heavier than he was before, but most importantly his eyes were narrowed and questioning.

The man didn’t have to speak for him to know what Yuu was thinking: _Why did you stop?_

“I-I, uh” Kouyou fumbled. They’d never done anything like this before – didn’t even mention it to each other besides in jokes. Kouyou wasn’t complaining, but the raven’s willingness seemed a little…surprising? Out of place? “Is this…is this ok?”

Yuu turned his head to the side, avoiding eye contact, almost looking embarrassed. “Yeah.”

“Are you sure?” The blonde let his fingers sift through dark hair once more. He tucked the strands behind Yuu’s ear.

“I’m sure.”

“Really?”

“Kouyou!” Yuu grabbed his face, cupping the blonde’s cheeks and staring into his eyes. He almost looked as if he was going to start off confidently, but the moment he began to speak it softened to near-whispered pleas of “Please, just…” a pause to swallow. And then he worked up the courage to pull the blonde closer, to kiss him softly before continuing “I need this…I need you.” And another kiss, deeper than the last, and Kouyou relented.

If it was what Yuu needed, then so be it.

It was what Kouyou wanted, anyway.

Kouyou broke the kiss to trail more along his jaw, across his neck, until finally he stopped – the spot just below his ear – and he sucked, leaving Yuu sighing his name. The sound sent shivers down his spine and he sucked harder, let his teeth sink into the flesh. When he pulled back, he admired the reddening mark on his skin and it left one thought in his head: _Mine._ Not anyone else’s, but his. Only his. 

A pang of jealously later, and he was kissing lower. He was seeking out spots that made Yuu squirm and gasp out, licking lines down his body so that Yuu arched into his tongue. Kouyou was groaning himself at the soft _“More, please, more”_ s that kept rolling from Yuu’s tongue and he didn’t stop until his lips were just at the waistband of Yuu’s sweatpants; until Yuu’s fingers were tangled in blonde hair and he let out a breathy “Please.”

The blonde pressed a smile to Yuu’s skin. He kissed his way back up to his navel, each touch of his lips to skin making Yuu squirm even more. He imagined it must’ve been _torture_ to be kissed all over and painfully aroused and not even being offered even a hint of release.

Kouyou could tease. Oh, he could tease – but tonight wouldn’t be the night for that. He wanted to _feel_ and he wasn’t willing to wait – not for long, at least.

Neither was Yuu.

And he was, apparently, even more desperate than Kouyou. He had just been about to relent, to finally offer Yuu something more; rid him of his clothes and progress even further but he was halted.

Yuu pushed him by the shoulders – forced him to sit back on his knees.

The blonde went wide eyed – he hadn’t been expecting that. 

What he’d been expecting even less was Yuu hooking his thumbs in the waistband of his pants and tugging them down his pale thighs himself, throwing the fabric to the side of the room to be forgotten. The blonde gasped at the sigh, eyes greedily taking in a now fully naked Yuu, nearly moaning at the sight of his arousal standing tall and flushed against his belly. He felt his own length throb – the absolutely erotic image before him entirely too much.

“Don’t just stare.” Yuu said, crawling closer. It was purely predatory, the way he moved towards him, straddling his thighs, his breath hitching when his length brushed against Kouyou’s belly – precum smearing and dripping down taught abs. He was a breath away and staring dead in his eyes when his hands took Kouyou’s in his own. He guided the fingers of one of Kouyou’s hands to his lips, where he kissed each digit, paradoxically innocent in every action, causing the blonde’s breath to pick up with each passing moment. Kouyou knew what was to come. He knew, and he still couldn’t help but groan when the raven’s tongue finally darted out, when he finally sucked two of his fingers into his mouth, plush lips looking all too erotic around the digits. The blonde’s face heated up, and once again his arousal throbbed with need and he was steadily becoming all too aware of how confined he was in his sweatpants and boxers. Even more so when Yuu’s eyelashes fluttered, when his tongue coated those two digits generously, when he moaned around his fingers – it was all too much and he knew then that once he was finally inside Yuu he wouldn’t last long.

With a wet pop, Yuu let the fingers slide from his mouth and he took Kouyou’s hands in his, placing one on each of his asscheeks before he was whispering, voice low and husky, “Touch me.”

_“God.”_ Kouyou moaned, one hand squeezing, and then spreading as the fingers of the other hand circled Yuu’s entrance. It was only a moment before he was pushing one of his fingers inside that tight ring of muscle, Yuu shuddering against him.

The general buried his face in the blonde’s neck, gasps muffled against Kouyou’s skin. When he began to move, the raven shuddered and the blonde kissed the side of his head hoping it soothed some of the discomforted the intrusions brought. Soon enough, he was adding a second finger, scissoring and curving them and preparing Yuu for what was to come. It only took a few moments of in and out for the general to pull back – face already covered in a light film of sweat, and plead.

"Take me, Kouyou." Kouyou let his fingers curl and press against that bundle of nerves deep inside him. "Uhn..N-now. Please."

He considered teasing more, but he stopped, knowing he couldn’t resist and didn’t have the patience to try. When his fingers withdrew from that tight body Yuu slipped from off his thighs, laid back against the mattress and parted his legs for him: a beautiful invitation.

Kouyou made no haste – he pulled his clothes off and discarded them in a fashion similar to how Yuu had: without a second thought, but he paused once he was fully naked, all too aware of how Yuu was looking at him.

The blonde tried not to feel self-conscious as Yuu’s eyes slid down his body, ultimately reaching their destination and widening at the sight of his erection– gasping out despite himself. His eyes flickered back up to meet his – lust glazed, as well as filled with admiration – with love “You’re beautiful too.”

The blonde shrugged, praying he wasn’t blushing. “Do you have lube?”

“Yeah…” Yuu reached beneath his pillow and retrieved the tube. He held it out for the blonde, who took the tube from his hand. 

Kouyou coated himself generously, the cool liquid feeling good against his heated flesh. He moaned at the sensation, staring down at Yuu the whole time. He squeezed his own length, glad to finally be getting some attention and gave it a few slow tugs, noting how Yuu’s eyes followed the flicks of his wrists – how his tongue ran over his bottom lip at the sight. “Kouyou…” Yuu whispered, his own arousal leaking glistening strands of precum onto his own belly. He was painfully hard, that much was clear to see. “Kouyou, I need…”

“Shh,” The blonde said, scooting closer. He nudged the raven’s thighs further apart, positioning himself at the man’s entrance, the tip of his erection rubbing against that tight ring. Yuu whimpered.

“K-Kouyou,” Yuu repeated, his hands finding the blonde’s hips and _pulling_ , wanting to feel the blonde _that_ badly.

The blonde dropped to one elbow, his face hovering mere centimeters above his lovers. He laid a kiss on his lips, drowning out his moans as he finally pushed in – slowly. Very slowly, so that Yuu could feel every inch stretch him, all the way until he was filled to the hilt, and that was when they let their kiss break, when the let themselves pant against eachothers lips – the raven trying desperately to steady his breathing and relax under the pain of the stretch and burn that came with sex.

Yuu’s hands ran up and down Kouyou’s back, squeezing and scratching in attempt to ground himself, and Kouyou planted kisses across his face, from his furrowed brow to the downturned corners of his lips.

“Move.” Yuu eventually whispered, voice shaking with every syllable. “I need to feel you, _move._ ”

And Kouyou did.

His hips moved gently as they rocked against Yuu’s, his lips trailing open mouthed kisses along Yuu’s collarbone, murmuring praises against his skin. He then kissed up his neck, groaning with each thrust into Yuu’s too-hot, too-tight body. When he reached his jaw he paused. He pulled back and looked down at Yuu - he had found salty liquid beneath his lips and now, looking at Yuu, his suspicion was confirmed. He was crying. Kouyou felt himself begin to panic.

“Does it hurt?” He asked, slowing down, but still moving.

“Nn…No.” Yuu shook his head, face seeming to flush even more. “A-ah. Feels good.” His breath hitched a shudder running through him. “Just…” He trailed, pulling the blonde down to kiss him once more, and that was the only answer he provided. They kissed deeply, Kouyou’s fingers disrupting the trails of tears, brushing them away.

Yuu’s fingers smoothed through blonde hair, undoing his ponytail on the way, stroking through golden strands. His hands slid further down, past his neck, and then settled once more on the blonde’s back. He tossed his head to the side, eyes still misty, but tears missing from his face and cried out “Oh God!” 

“You’re gorgeous,” Kouyou mumbled, pace gradually picking up, fingers continuing to caress his cheeks. “You feel so good. Mmh. So tight.” He changed the angle of his hips, and Yuu’s lips parted to let out a strangled moan, his back arching off the bed. He aimed to hit that spot again and again until Yuu was squirming and moaning beneath him, his hips bucking helplessly up to meet the blonde’s.

“Ahhn” Yuu whimpered, blunt nails digging into the blondes back, scratching angry lines down pale skin and in the mix of pleasure, even that pain felt good – made Kouyou’s dick just _that_ much harder, made him _that_ much hotter. The blonde moved his hands – gripped the general’s hips instead, steadying himself for deeper thrusts, ones that left Yuu’s head lulling to the side, streams of incoherence pouring out of him. 

He felt himself throb again, that tight heat around him entirely too good. He was close. And he could tell Yuu was too, from the way his head was thrown back into the pillow, long neck exposed and begging to be ravished, to the way his hips moved to meet his, to, even still, the moans that now poured from his mouth without repose, each pleasure sound making Kouyou even needier.

He reached between their sweaty bodies and let his fingers curl around Yuu’s length. “Mmm, K-Kouyou.” Yuu whispered and the sound of his name egged him on – made his hips move faster, his hand jerk him even more frantically – trying for all it was worth to reach an end that was now within sight. “Kouyou, please o-oh god, _Kouyou._ ”

“A-are you…Nnn, are you close?”

Yuu shook his head, voice stuck in his throat.

“Then cum for me. Cum for me beautiful, scream my name. I want to watch you…”

And that’s all it took. One more thrust. One more tug-tug- _squeeze_ and Yuu was spilling his essence between them, cum spurting between their bodies. “ _Kouyou!_ ” he moaned, unashamed, spine bowing in pleasure as his vision blurred white.

The blonde followed shortly after, clenching muscles milking him, lips crashing and melding against Yuu’s, letting his pleasure sounds drown in his lips as he filled the general. They stayed like that, lips locked together until the shudders stopped running through their bodies, hands smoothing over skin, offering gentle comforts as they both came down from their highs. 

Kouyou pulled out and flopped onto his back, Yuu following to cuddle into him. They laid in silence for a few long moments, catching their breaths and in their own thoughts, sated and at ease. The city traffic was muted by the wind outside the window – which howled loud in the night, filling the silence, but not taking it over. The nighttime lights caressed the room, but left it comfortably dim. The blankets were soft beneath them. 

The blonde could’ve fallen asleep, Yuu in his arms, pressed against his side, but he knew better. He kissed the side of Yuu’s head and said. “Stay here, I’m going to get a rag and clean us up.” But Yuu held him tighter, almost frantic when the blonde tried to sit up. 

“Just stay here a second” In response, the blonde mumbled a quiet ok, settling back into the bed. He heard Yuu sigh; felt him cuddle closer, his head buried in the juncture of Kouyou’s neck. 

“I feel sort of numb.” Yuu whispered. 

“Hm?” That caught him off guard. 

“Like everything’s really dull and fuzzy. Earlier when I was talking to you it didn’t feel like that. It still felt numb, like I was just talking on autopilot, but it was different. Now that I’m calmer it feels kinda…bad. Really bad.” 

“Yuu…?” Kouyou questioned, feeling more than seeing the general shake his head. 

“I don’t regret telling you anything, it’s just kind of overwhelming to think that I _did._ ” 

Kouyou hummed, fingers tracing over Yuu’s tattoo, offering each line of ink gentle caresses. It was an attempt to comfort; a silent one, as he didn’t want to interrupt Yuu. 

“I spent so much of my past trying to be important to others. And then I thought I wanted nothing to do with others – that it would be better if I didn’t care about anyone and that no one cared about me. I told myself I wanted it to stay like that forever…” 

He fell off into silence. Kouyou spoke “And now it’s changed?” and he almost thought he wasn’t going to get a response, the silence ticked on with nothing but the sound of the gentle in and outs of Yuu’s breath. 

“It’s changed.” Yuu gulped. “It feels really scary to know that I care about you. That you could hurt me. That I could hurt _you._ ” 

Kouyou understood, but instead of saying so he pulled Yuu closer. 

“I did…I do – I mean. Tonight...Just now, I just really. Wanted you to hold me. To be close to you. To feel something. You make me feel really warm – that’s what I wanted. Needed.” 

“Did it help?” Kouyou asked. He felt Yuu’s smile against his neck, soft as it was. Soon it faded, and he hummed in thought. 

“I’m not sure.” Another pause. More room for silence. He heard Yuu sigh, and then just barely above a whisper, so low that, even in the quiet of the night, he had to strain to hear him. “But I liked it. I’m happy.” 

Kouyou smiled, still not responding with words.

“I’m sorry.” Yuu said, and Kouyou’s eyebrows furrowed in response. 

“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” 

“…It’s just hard.” 

“I know.” He kissed the top of Yuu’s head for good measure. “But I’ll still be here even when it is.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk I always get the feeling that people read fics for the sex, you know? And so I'm sort of happy you guys stuck with me long enough to get what you wanted! 16 whole chapters, and then finally this!
> 
> It was difficult though. I can write smut, but trying to write a sex scene that was hot, but not downright pornographic was difficult and hopefully i was successful? I'm not sure? I've never really tried something like this before? Anyway, I'll try my best next time! and itll be even better in following chapters! Also, a funfact, every single chapter of this fic was outlined in detail before I ever started writing it (i mean, i changed a few things, sure, but essential it follows the outline perfectly) for this chapter i only wrote one word: 'sex' lol. I was able to make it more than that though, and so I hope it doesn't feel like a filler chapter, but a part of the plot. Thats what i hoped writing it.
> 
> Damn, and just when we thought Reita was back, a whole chapter without him. (I bet no one's complaining.)


	17. Beat the Truth Bloody

Kouyou had been lying awake for hours – and so he couldn’t call it a jolt or a shock or an alarm that he heard, but a peculiar and annoying buzz that became harder and harder to ignore as the moments ticked by.

At first he had tried to brush it off, cuddle closer to Yuu and stay safely tucked beneath the duvet.

And then, when Yuu showed no signs of waking to the noise, he began to wonder if he was even hearing anything at all; maybe he was just sleep deprived?

But he shook his head – no amount of wondering about gang secrets and tragic pasts could conjure such a sound.

He got out of bed.

Slowly, he crept towards the door, careful not to wake Sleeping Beauty. He shot the man a glare. Fuck him for not waking up and dealing with annoying sound. Fuck him for still being so peacefully asleep and leaving him to encounter god-knows-what.

Kouyou huffed. He pulled his sweatpants up from where they hung low on his hips and tiptoed out into the hallway where the sound became more prominent – less of a buzz, and more of a pulsating beep. The source of the sound also became more obvious. He made his way towards the General’s office, determined to find the cause of the noise and shut it the hell up.

When he burst through the door of the office, the first thing he noticed was the security panel, usually black in its idle state, brightly lit and flashing – the source of the beeping.

Strange.

Cautiously, he moved to get a closer look at the thing and there, on the screen, was some sort of map, an area of it highlighted in red. He tilted his head to the side – he couldn’t really tell what was going on. He looked to the adjacent panel and figured out all he needed to.

Flashing in red was a warning message that rolled across the screen: UNATHORIZED USE OF ELEVATOR 35 : UNDOCUMENTANTED TIME STAMP 

“Fuck,” Kouyou cursed, mind racing.

He ran into his bedroom – that was where he kept his gun. It was sitting on his nightstand and he grabbed it before storming down the stairs, pistol in hand. 

Through gritted teeth he cursed again. Had Karasu been dumb enough to try to break in again? How many men were there going to be? Were they coming to kill Yuu?

His face flushed with rage at the thought. No one would touch Yuu. With his gun in his hand and his fingertips at the trigger; they wouldn’t even get close to it.

He was in the living room and rapidly approaching the door when he heard a knock on it; he stopped, all movement ceased, and stared, confused.

What the hell gang member knocked on doors?

He swallowed thickly, figuring that it must’ve been some sort of tactic to get him off his guard. He smirked. It wouldn’t work, not on him.

He had no idea what would be waiting for him behind the door, but he knew whatever it was it would be dead in an instant. 

In a flash of a moment, he snatched the door open and aimed his gun on the first thing he saw. He was ready to put a bullet in it – to secure his safety and most importantly, Yuu’s. He was ready to kill as always and as soon as he raised his gun the barrel of it was jabbed into a face and his finger was less than an instant away from pressing into the trigger and blowing some fucker’s head off.

Eyes widened in shock.

In a lucky millisecond Kouyou recognized the face before him.

Something in his gut wanted to shoot the face in front of him even more, but he knew in his heart it wasn’t what he really wanted.

Still, scowling he growled. _“What the fuck are you doing here, Reita? I should put this bullet in your skull.”_

Reita rose his hands in truce, body tensed as he eyed up the gun in his face. Each word was carefully measured as he spoke. “I’m not here to fight, Uruha.”

The blonde flinched. “My name is Kouyou.” And he didn’t take the gun out of the blonde’s face when he said. “You tried to hurt the General and now you don’t want to fight? Incredible. You _lied_ to me – you’ve been keeping things from me and if you think that I can forgive that when you won’t even tell me the _truth_ –“ 

“I’m here to tell the truth!” He screamed.

Kouyou huffed. “Well maybe it’s too late!”

“Quit being so stubborn, Uruha!”

“I. Told. You. My name is Kou—“

“Kouyou!” Yuu cut in. The blonde jumped, head swiveling to stare at Yuu racing across the living room to get to them, far more awake than he’d been moments ago. The blonde rolled his eyes. “Kouyou, put your gun down. Let him come in. I’m sure he has a reason.”

He grumbled and then, begrudgingly, he lowered his weapon, glaring at Reita all the while. The blonde sighed in return, ignoring Kouyou to look at the General instead. “I…actually came to contact you, General Aoi.”

Kouyou’s eyes widened.

Reita pushed his way in the door.

“Me?” Yuu was obviously just as surprised.

“Yes. I’ve been investigating some of the ongoing operations of Goddess. I…won’t tell you everything myself, but I think the situation will explain itself.”

Yuu didn’t speak and Kouyou remained just as silent. Just as intrigued. Reita took this as a que to continue.

“I…well, really, I want to come clean with the two of you. Later tonight, I can be honest with you Uruha,” Kouyou grimaced, but offered no correction. He didn’t know what to think of that. Didn’t know if he even _wanted_ to hear the asshole out, but he didn’t get a chance to say anything. Reita continued. “But first, General. I’ve found out a few secrets…and a few things about you.” Reita swallowed. He took a deep breath and locked eyes with the General. “I know, officially, his killer was never confirmed but I know who did it. I know who killed Ruki.”

\----

Kouyou glanced to the side. The sight he was met with was a tense Yuu. His mouth was drawn in a thin line, and his eyes were forcibly empty, staring across the street at the building in front of him. His hand was in his pocket and squeezed around what Kouyou would assume was his knife.

It was night time. They’d spent a long while debating on what to do once Reita left – whether or not they wanted to trust his information (Yuu did. Kouyou did not.) And this is what they had decided upon. They would do what Reita wanted them to do. They would confront Ruki’s killer.

Yuu sniffed and Kouyou’s eyes shot to look at him thinking that perhaps he was crying. “Yuu…” He whispered softly. “We can leave. We can go back if you want.”

The General shook his head. He didn’t even look close to crying – there was nothing but pure determination in his eyes.

“Then should we go in? Are you ready?” They were standing across the street from the killer – Kyo’s – hideout. It was in the basement of a rather unassuming building, but Kouyou was used to façade’s by then and wasn’t surprised in the least by that detail. “Come on,” Kouyou said, and the second he stepped out, Yuu’s hand grabbed his arm to stop him. He looked back at Yuu, question in his eyes and the raven shook his head, a solemn sort of smile tilting his lips. He pulled Kouyou’s arm and crushed their lips together in a kiss that was both stunning and brief – sending a shot of warmth through Kouyou’s body that left him wanting just a little bit more.

Yuu chuckled softly as he pulled away and Kouyou would be damned if he accepted it was because his cheeks were reddening. “Just like before, I want you to watch my back.” Kouyou nodded, but wasn’t able to get a word in before Yuu began speaking again, voice soft. “For years I had worried that it was Yune that killed him. I didn’t want to look into it. Didn’t want to believe it.”

Kouyou frowned. “He tried to kill you. Why wouldn’t you want to believe he tried to kill him too?”

Yuu bit his lip, glaring down at the ground for a moment. He shook his head and sighed. “He wasn’t right. Something was wrong with him, he wasn’t right.”

Kouyou hummed in response. He found it weird that Yuu was so willing to defend someone who had obviously betrayed him, but he supposed it wasn’t his place to speak on it.

“He wasn’t a bad person.” Yuu pushed away from where he stood, leaving Kouyou following behind him. He veered off from where the front door of the building to a side entrance that lead to a basement level. The doors were wide open and Yuu didn’t hesitate to begin his descent down the cramped and dark stairwell. “He was my friend. He didn’t want to hurt me.” His voice was a whisper. “Or Ruki.”

They fell into silence as they hit the bottom of the stairwell. The room was dark, thick with smoke, and immensely cluttered. Music was playing, filling the air with heavy drumming and scratchy vocals. Kouyou’s hand was resting on his holster. Yuu appeared much more relaxed but his shoulders were tensed. Yuu stepped off to the right, following the source of the music, Kouyou following behind around the bend of a stack of boxes. There was a couch on one end of the wall, a gaudy bear pelt rug in front of it, and cracked glass table that was piled with guns, a sword or two, and countless cigarette butts. There was also a small stereo thrown onto it. The walls were smothered with magazine clippings, pictures of people, bands, rather scantily dressed women in compromising positions, anything you could think of. They stepped over clothes and shoes on their journey to the table and once there, Yuu stopped just short of it. He bent over, pushing a button and silencing the music.

Yuu stood up to say something to Kouyou, but the words never came.

Right behind them, there was a voice.

“Care to introduce yourselves?” And Kouyou whipped around fast. His heart was banging against his chest – he hadn’t heard anyone come up behind them. Yuu hadn’t either. That was strange and it was ominous. Yuu was not an easy man to sneak up on, and neither was Kouyou when he was in such a sensitive situation. The loud music was an obvious advantage for the assassin and he was using it to fuck with them. Kouyou’s gun was out and he was aiming for whatever he saw first – which just so happened to be a short blonde with a smile on his face.

Kouyou didn’t like how unbothered he looked. “What brings you to my place of business, hm?” Especially since they could’ve been dead if the short blonde had chosen to have it so. Kouyou swallowed the lump in his throat. This man was obviously skilled. He would not be easy to take down. 

Yuu turned; slow and calculated, but Kouyou could tell he had the hell scared out of him just the same. His chest was rising and falling in rapid succession, but he tried his hardest to remain calm. It was probably more than fear that had the General on edge. Kouyou imagined it would be hard to look into the eyes of someone who killed his first love. “Would you be Kyo?” He asked, eyes dark. He walked closer to the man, his hand covering Kouyou’s and lowering his gun.

The short blonde followed the action with his eyes. “Sure it’s a good idea to have him put his gun away?” He licked over his bottom lips, folding his arms. “What if I am?”

Kouyou watched Yuu’s eyebrow twitch. He obviously wasn’t fond of the short man’s little games. “Do you know Ruki? The General of Goddess’s Northern distract?”

Kyo’s smile lengthened and he let out an understanding ‘ah’ “You must be Aoi. So that’s why the two of you came to find me.”

“Karasu should have known that they couldn’t hide you from me forever.”

Kyo scratched the back of his head. “Actually, I’m unaffiliated. I’m a simple weapon for hire for whoever may wish to use me. But living in between is a hefty burden. Knowing their secrets. _All sides’_ secrets. You’d think being unbound would be a good life to live, but I suppose it’s unwise to hope for a life that isn’t hell when you’re an assassin.” He sighed, eyes boring into Yuu’s. “I’m tired of this life.”

Yuu winced. “ _I’m_ tired of the anecdote. Tell me what I want to know. Tell me about Ruki.”

“I could tell you much more than that, but if that’s all you care about…” He smiled. “I did it. I killed him.”

His calm demeanor was out the window and in an instant he was in a burning rage – the transition so sudden Kouyou’s mind had trouble racing up to meet the reality of it. In the matter of a moment, he watched Yuu whip his knife from his pocket and _lunge_ and in that time his own weapon was raised and swaying back and forth as he tried to get better aim at Kyo’s head.

Yuu gripped the front of Kyo’s tank top and tugged him forward, his knife racing to meet his body but he was stopped short, the small blonde grabbing Yuu’s wrist and twisting it painfully behind him. Kouyou cursed, desperate to help Yuu but unsure how. In the frenzy of a fight between the two, he couldn’t get a clear shot at Kyo and he couldn’t risk missing and hurting Yuu.

Kyo’s grip visibly tightened as he twisted Yuu around, he stood behind him on his toes to growl into Yuu’s ear. “He whimpered your name as he died,” He said, smile evident in his voice. Kouyou gritted his teeth. He was having fun fucking around with them.

Yuu broke free one of his hands and grabbed for Kyo’s. He flipped him over his shoulder and the force knocked the air out of the blonde’s lungs as the room rattled around them, ashtray shattering on the floor, posters dancing in the air. Kouyou was glad to see Yuu back in control of the situation, but the sight of his face was nothing short of terrifying. Even in other altercations, he had never seen Yuu look so feral. His hair was wild, his breathing was ragged and his eyes were devoid of anything other than pain. He was a passionate killer, but never like this.

Yuu dropped to his knees, knife guiding him down and stabbed at Kyo’s face. A moment before the weapon pierced him, Kyo rolled to the side, lodging the glinting metal in the floorboards. Yuu ripped the thing from where it was lodged, managed to pin Kyo down with his thighs on either side of his hips and raised his weapon to stab once more. He was mid motion when he was stopped by Kyo’s voice.

“It was Goddess that paid me to kill him.”

Yuu’s eyes widened. His arms went slack and the knife dropped pathetically to the floor. This wasn’t good, Kouyou thought. And he pointed his gun at Kyo’s head, preparing to pull the trigger but he stopped short when there was movement once more.

Yuu brought his fist down hard to Kyo’s face. His head snapped to the side, but he remained still otherwise. He wasn’t even trying to defend himself. Kouyou was perplexed.

Kyo spoke again. “You’re poor lover was snooping where he didn’t belong.”

And Yuu let out a growl, opposite fist pounding the side of his face. He pulled his hand back and it was covered in the same blood that was now pouring from Kyo’s nose.

Yuu hit him again, out of breath, whole body trembling with rage. “And your boss couldn’t have her secrets let out.” Kyo smiled as his face was pounded in. “Her plan unveiled.” Yuu let out a pained wail and struck once more.

“They wanted the both of you dead, but you ruined the Boss’s little plan by running away.” Yuu was shaking, and Kouyou found that all he could do was watch. All he could do was listen. Another blow connected with the blonde’s check. His head jerked to the side, but he still kept talking.

“It was a hard enough job as it was, with one particularly annoying interference.”

“ _Stop it!_ ” Yuu growled, striking him again. There was blood covering Kyo’s face.

“If I could’ve, I would’ve killed Yune too.” Yuu bit hard into his own lip, pulling blood from the flesh as he grabbed the hem of Kyo’s tank top. He pulled the weak, bloody mess up by it and raised his hand. “But if it’s as the story goes, you took care of that problem for me.”

He delivered another blow. It sent Kyo’s head crashing against the floorboards.

“Thank you.”

Both of Kyo’s eyes were swollen shut.

Yuu punched him in his mouth.

He did not speak.

Yuu punched him in his nose. It crunched gruesomely beneath the force. Blood covered his hands.

He did not speak.

Yuu punched him in his jaw. It went slack under his blow.

Kyo did not speak.

Yuu sobbed. Tears bubbled out of his eyes and rolled hotly down his cheeks. They dripped from his chin and mingled with blood that was not his. He looked down on the mess beneath and raised his fist weakly. It feel softly against a bruised and blackened cheek.

He did not speak.

And Kouyou found his ability to move. He wrapped his hands around Yuu’s wrists and hauled him up by them. He scooped the knife from the ground and gave it to Yuu to cradle – to hold against his chest – to smear red with blood that was not his.

Kouyou pulled Yuu into an embrace and with trembling lips kissed his forehead.

“Yuu...”

“I was so stupid Kouyou. All those people I killed, it was for nothing...even Yune...it was for nothing."

"Yuu, come on. Let's go."

"I was so stupid. The only way anyone leaves this shit is like _that_.”

\----

Reita pulled on his leather jacket, looking in the small and foggy mirror of that night’s hotel room. He turned to the side to see himself from a different angle –nice enough, he decided.

He slipped on his boots and headed out the door. Now came the hard part. He had to meet up with Uruha. He had to tell him (show him, rather) where he’d been disappearing to. He had to be honest.

And he was nervous about how the other would react.

And he wondered if Uruha would hate him for it.

And he cursed himself for dragging the lies out all these years.

But it’s what he had to do. That’s what he kept telling himself. It’s what he had to do.

His smile was wry and his heart was heavy as he wondered it; what would Hana think of him for lying about her disappearance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if reita's comeback was all that majestic (with exploding cars and bullets and all that) but it is good to have the boy back, i'd say
> 
> anyway i loved writing this it was so much fun the kyo thing was a scene i had in mind since i literally began this and it was SO AWESOME TO FINALLY GET TO WRITE IT OUT hope it was successful hope youre anxious for the next chapter, it'll be a good one i think :)
> 
> Kudos and Comments are appreciated here! Tell me your thoughts and theories, if you want <3


	18. The Dumbass and The Liar

The night air was so thick it was almost palpable. Kouyou’s lungs had to work overtime and about the only sound in their bedroom was each inhalation of breath he heaved. Kouyou shut the open door behind him much harder then he would’ve liked, the thud ringing like an omen in their otherwise silent world.

He shifted from one foot to the other. He drug his hand through his hair. He sighed.

Kouyou didn’t know how to start, but he knew he had to.

He walked over to the edge of the bed and crouched beside it. Yuu was pretending to be asleep (Kouyou couldn’t be fooled or deterred. Yuu could try all he wanted, though.) Kouyou swallowed. He leaned forward to place a kiss on Yuu’s temple – right above where he had the covers pulled up too. He’d been like that since they’d gotten home (could he still call it home? Would it still be home for long? Goddess had betrayed them – they’d have to leave, wouldn’t they?) “Yuu,” He mumbled. No response. “Yuu,” he said, louder this time.

The raven turned away from him.

“Don’t be like that,” He frowned. “I’m only trying to help you.” 

Yuu grumbled.

Kouyou let a hand rest on his shoulder; he was tense as hell, but that didn’t surprise Kouyou.

“Yuu listen,” The blonde sighed. “I can only help as much as you let me.” 

He felt Yuu relax the slightest bit beneath his palm.

“I know we talked some earlier, but now it feels like you’re shutting me out.”

It was a small tilt, but Yuu angled his head towards him.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want me to know. You don’t have to talk to me, or let me hold you or…anything, just…” Kouyou swallowed. “But it would make it so much _easier_ if you gave me _something_. I thought you understood that by now…I don’t want you to go through this alone.”

Yuu gulped. He turned his head away.

Kouyou frowned. “Please don’t push me out now that you’ve finally let me in, Yuu.”

Still, nothing but silence.

It was grating in Kouyou’s ears, the silence. Kouyou tried not to let it get the best of him. He reminded himself how far Yuu’s come. He reminded himself of how much Yuu cared for him. He reminded himself that only a few months ago he wouldn’t have even dreamed of being this close with Yuu.

But there was still an edge of insecurity in him, _’no one will ever love you’_ s trying to pry their way into his head. He sighed. “Ok.” And stood up. “I’m going to go for a smoke out on the balcony.” He needed to right himself before he let his insecurities speak for him.

He was inches away from the door, and then—

“Kouyou, are you angry at me?”

He turned around. Yuu’s eyes were shining in the darkness. He was sitting up on his elbows, looking absolutely pitiful, looking like he was daring him to say something disagreeable or he would burst into tears. “Of course not, Yuu.”

“It seems like every time I don’t express my pain a way you want me to you get mad at me.”

“I-I” He wasn’t expecting that. “It’s just that,” His brow furrowed. “I told you, you don’t have to tell me anything. It just upsets me to see you mad over shit that happened so damn long ago!”

Yuu’s fists balled around the sheets. “How could you say that?” He really did look like he was going to cry. “After today, how could you say that?”

“I don’t mean--” Kouyou scrambled. “You’re misunderstanding, I mean in general.” He stepped away from the door and closer to Yuu. “Don’t look at me like that, you’re overreacting.”

“Overreacting? Don’t I have a right to be angry?” Kouyou cringed at Yuu’s tone. “All this goddamn time, all these years I’ve been suffering and I’ve never--”

Kouyou inched forward, closer to the screaming Yuu.

“Kouyou I’ve never gotten to be angry about it!”

He let his knee rest on the edge of the bed.

“I’ve never gotten to hurt about it. I’ve always had to hurt quietly and, goddammit, I am angry!”

He pulled Yuu up by his arm. Yuu didn’t fight it, he let himself be dragged forward – he let himself be hugged.

Yuu cursed into Kouyou’s chest. “I did this to myself. Every dumb decision I’ve ever made has led me here. And I’m angry about it Kouyou.”

Kouyou hugged his lover tighter. With a tight jaw, and a forced calm he said “That’s fine, just don’t take it out on me.” All he got in return were sniffles, but he supposed that would have to be enough.

“I miss him, Kouyou.”

And Kouyou knew his place, so he ignored the throb in his chest. “I know you do.”

“It’s my fault he’s gone.”

And Kouyou knew he wasn’t living in someone else’s shadow, but he guessed he’d have to get used to feeling that way sometimes. “No it isn’t.”

“I wish he was still here.”

And he knew he was wrong before he even said it. “Why do you have to still think about Ruki? I’m right here. Can’t I be enough for you?”

And if any part of him doubted he was wrong, the way Yuu jolted back would’ve cleared that up – the jaded look of disbelieve in his eyes would’ve set him straight. Yuu’s mouth hung open for a moment. He closed it. He took a deep breath, and then closed his eyes.

Kouyou was afraid, and he knew he had every right to be. He knew he had just said something very stupid.

“Kouyou, you,” He took a deep breath. His eyes were still closed, but tears were still rolling down his cheeks. “I told you things about me, about my past I never thought I’d tell anyone. And you – you, knowing exactly how I feel, exactly how difficult this has been for me –you still…You take the most painful thing that has ever happened to me, and you still make this about yourself?”

He could tell the quiet was making Yuu angry but he couldn’t think of a way to defend himself.

“Kouyou. Are you jealous?” Yuu finally opened his eyes to look at him. Kouyou didn’t like that.

“I’m--” He didn’t want to lie. “Yuu, no, I’m…”

“Kouyou,” Yuu’s voice was so quiet. He’d never heard him speak so softly. “Get out.”

“Yuu,” He grabbed Yuu’s arm, searching his eyes. “What do you mean ‘get out’?”

Ripping his arm away, Yuu growled. “I don’t want you here. Get out.” There was no room for argument.

And he knew he shouldn’t have been angry, but he was.

“Ok.” Kouyou got up. He did exactly like Yuu wanted.

He was a fucking idiot.

The bedroom door was shut behind him when Kouyou slammed his face into his hands, blind and unthinking in a rage purely directed at himself, body moving on autopilot. Stomping blind down the hallway and through the General’s office and out the door to the balcony Kouyou slammed the glass doors behind him, the force damn near shaking the whole building.

He dropped to the ground, head in hands, and let out an anguished wail.

He couldn’t believe the words that had come out his mouth.

He couldn’t believe he was such an idiot.

He couldn’t believe that he’d made such an utter fool of himself that Yuu was bound to hate him forever. It was over. It had to be.

Kouyou groaned, _’You’re worthless’es,_ and _‘You’re unlovable’_ s, and _’Why do you even try’_ s loud in his head.

He doubled over. It was that damn voice in his head – that voice was the one that propelled that filth out of his mouth. That was the reason Yuu would grow to hate him. She was the reason. Always haunting him, always tormenting, ever since that goddamn day he pulled that shotgun from under the bed and –

“You ok?”

The voice jolted him – it wasn’t Yuu’s, but it was familiar.

Kouyou gritted his teeth.

“You’re the _last_ person I want to see.” He said, hands still hiding his face.

“I know.” He heard Reita sigh. He heard him shuffle closer. He heard him kneel beside him. Kouyou recoiled when he felt a hand on his shoulder. “What happened?”

He scoffed. “Oh you wanna act like a friend _now_ , do you? You’ve done nothing but lie to me. I’ve trusted you my _whole life_ and you make me look like a goddamn dumbass!” Kouyou decided he didn’t care if he was screaming. He didn’t care if Yuu heard him. He didn’t care _what_ Yuu would think. “And now, just because _you_ think you deserve it, I’m supposed to forgive you?” Reita’s gaze was unwavering. “It’s bullshit and you know it! I-I’m so fucking-” A deep breath. He put his hand to his chest - his heart was beating so fast. “Why should I tell you what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,”

“Oh, that’s all I get from you--”

“You’re so stubborn.” Reita mumbled. “I’m sorry. You should tell me because I understand. I went through the same shit too. I know our old foster mother’s words still get to you. I know you have trouble dealing with the things she said to you. I know.”

“How does it not get to you?”

“It does some times.” Reita sighed. Kouyou flinched away from his gaze – he didn’t want to see Reita being vulnerable. He didn’t want to feel anything. He didn’t want to share a sense of familiarity with the man.

“Whatever.” But he _was_ tired of fighting him. “How did you even get in here?” He said, the buzz of the security alarm finally becoming clearer as his temper began to cool. 

“Climbed.”

He wouldn’t question it. “I knew you were supposed to be coming to tell me about what the hell ever you've been hiding. You could have just knocked on the front door.”

“This was much cooler, you have to admit.”

Kouyou sighed, finally looking up at Reita. “I’m not ‘climbing’ down.”

Reita rolled his eyes. “Bitch,” and then he smiled. “So you’re coming with me?”

 

\----

 

Reita held his breath on the short walk from the parking lot to the bar. He hadn’t mentioned much to Uruha – Kouyou? – About what they were there for (the blonde was so far into his own head he hardly seemed to _care_.)

He swallowed the lump in his throat. What the situation itself wouldn’t explain was the lie he’d told his friend all that time ago. The one about the very nature of Hana’s disappearance – but he supposed that could wait until afterword’s. Glancing at his friend, blonde hair between his fingers as he anxiously adjusted his locks, Reita decided that now was not the best time to stress him out any more than he already was.

Smirk on his lips, he supposed he was lucky he didn’t have boy problems.

“Why a bar?” Uruha asked as Reita pushed the doors open, the cigarette smoke thick in their faces the moment they stepped in. “This is what you’ve been keeping from me? You go out drinking?”

The shorter shrugged in response. “Well, yeah, kinda.”

Uruha rolled his eyes but Reita ignored it. He walked ahead of the blonde, pulled out a barstool and plopped himself into it, leaving his friend to mirror his movements. With a nod to the bartender he asked for his usual – that earned a look from Uruha.

“You come here that often? You have a usual?”

Reita sighed. The honesty started here. “I do business here a lot.”

The blonde ordered a drink of his own, his eyes following the motions of the bartender as he prepared the drink, “And exactly what kind of business are we here for?”

Drink to his lips, Reita took a sip of his beer. Around the brim of his glass, he mumbled “We’re meeting a girl.”

Uruha froze. His mouth floundered as he sought out the words he wanted to say “A girl? Who? Why?” He sat up straight in his seat, mind obviously clear of whatever the hell it was that previously distracted him. “Do we know her?”

And Reita knew exactly who Uruha’s mind must’ve conjured. He merely smiled, eye drawn to the one who pulled out the stool beside him and settled into the chair.

Perfect timing.

The girl smiled at them both (Uruha gawked quiet amusingly) and greeted them softly. “It’s nice to see you two,” she said, voice muted against the bar’s music. “I’m Natsumi.”

Reita smirked as Uruha scrambled to replace the look of disappointment on his face with a polite smile. If things went well, the blondes would be seeing exactly who they wanted to soon. With a deep huff of breath, he exhaled, the words rushing out of him in a jumbled gust “She’s the last person who’s seen Hana.”

A beat of silence.

“Pick your jaw up.”

Natsumi giggled, hand covering her mouth girlishly. “Nice to meet you” She said, leaving Uruha to merely stare. Reita couldn’t gauge what the hell was going through his mind, but he knew for damn sure he was a mess.

Reita took a deep breath. “I’ve been leading a certain personal project.” He adjusted the collar of his shirt, “That’s what I’ve been keeping from you.” Now or never. “I’ve been looking for Hana.”

Uruha’s eyes dropped to the table. He watched, with shaking hands, as the bartender slid his drink in front of him. He didn’t smile. He didn’t say thank you. He didn’t even look up. “For how long?” He said, blunt nails digging into the counter.

“W-well. I’ve been searching for her ever since she…” _left_ “vanished.” Telling that particular detail proved to be the most difficult; it would make Reita the kind of liar who was unforgiveable and Hana selfish. He couldn’t taint her in Uruha’s mind. “I didn’t want to tell you…”

“And why the hell not?”

_Because the final words we shared was a promise to protect you. Because I only thought I was doing what was right. Because I had no idea what I would find. Because maybe protecting you meant keeping you away from a reality more painful than believing our sister was snatched away from us._

“Because,” The blonde fidgeted. _be honest._ “It was difficult to. I thought it was my burden to bear alone. I didn’t want the search for her weigh on you like it did on me.” Close enough.

“Would you have told me if you found her?”

“I’m telling you now.” Reita laughed dryly. “Isn’t that enough?”

That seemed to be the final straw for Uruha. He slammed his fist against the counter, the heads of the bartenders snapping in his direction, their faces dumb and shocked as Uruha hissed. “Don’t fuck with me, Reita, you put me through hell with this shit--”

Natsumi cleared her throat. “Sorry, I’m not really sure what’s going on between you two. But I think I can maybe help? Please let me tell my story.”

Uruha grumbled.

Reita exhaled. 

“For the record Uruha,” The blonde didn’t look at him. “I’ve been searching for years only to come up mostly emptyhanded. We’ll be learning this all together.”

Uruha didn’t seem to want to reply, but that was fine. Natsumi smiled at the two of them. “Where do you want me to begin?”

Uruha wasn’t doing very well at looking disinterested. “Start at the beginning. When did the two of you meet?” He said.

“On a sunny evening” She smiled. “My manager brought her in to meet us just like any other new girl. I knew she was special from the moment I met her. She had an aura that drew people in; commanded respect - attention.”

“What did you two do? Where did you meet.” Uruha leaned in closer and Reita watched him carefully. This was one of the few details he had actually known beforehand.

“A strip club.” She paused; reaction gauged, “Don’t look at me like that. It’s good work.” And straightened up in her seat and didn’t flinch away from Uruha’s eye contact – it made Reita think that she and Hana were somewhat similar. “I never needed anyone’s pity and I never got the impression that Hana did either. Not while she was doing that job. Not when she was looking for a way out either. She was one fiery bitch, I’ll tell you that much” She chuckled. “She had more ambition than anyone I’d ever met – a mastermind, really. One who would crush anyone who got in her path. She was terrifying, in the way she could be so sweet and so vicious in the same breath. Really made me wonder what exactly she’d gone through in the years before she’d found her way to our club. That’s one thing she never spoke of.”

“After the police took her from us, anything could’ve happened.”

“Police took her…?”

Reita flinched.

Uruha’s brow creased.

Natsumi cocked her head to the side but did not clarify her reasons for confusions.

Reita bit his bottom lip. Reita glanced at his friend. Reita hoped he wasn’t going to ask any more.

Natsumi moved on. 

“She didn’t stay for long, she…” The grip on her drink beginning to tremble. “Became involved with someone dangerous.”

Reita clutched the edge of his seat so hard his knuckles went white. “Who?”

“A man.” She licked over her lips. She took a glance over her shoulder. She shook her head again. “Goddess. She had ties to Goddess.”

Uruha gasped. Reita did not – but that didn’t mean he wasn’t affected. His hands were shaking as he lifted his glass to his lips. As Reita eased the drink back down to the table, he spoke “What were these ties exactly?”

The woman gulped, sweeping her long hair behind her ear. Fingers fiddling in her lap, she leaned close, voice a whisper “He would come to our club every night she worked.” Another glance behind her. She leaned in further, still. “He was a nasty thing, but they usually are. The type of guys that infatuate themselves with us.”

She took a sip of her drink. Reita bit into his bottom lip. Uruha ran his fingers through his hair.

“He had his eye on her.” Natsumi chuckled, crossing her arms. “Hana was no idiot. She could sniff out an opportunity a hundred miles away.”

“What happened? Between the two of them?”

“I’m, well, not sure on every detail.” Natsumi said. “She became brooding. She talked to everyone less and less the more she started seeing him. Then one night she vanished.” Sounded familiar enough.

“With him?”

“With him.” Natsumi assured. “Now, there are rumors,” She sighed. “There are people in my line of work that talk. They say they’re together. That he took her and made her his bride.”

“You keep talking about him but you’re avoiding telling us who he is.” Reita said. “How are we going to find her if we don’t know even that?”

She let out a breath. “Goddess’s boss. That’s who he is. That’s the man that charmed her into leaving.”

Reita gulped. Staring down at the counter, he felt his entire body go numb. He wasn’t stupid; he knew things were going to be complicated but _this_ was goddamn comical. Reita pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“She can’t want to be with him, though.” Uruha’s voice broke him from his thoughts. “Especially not if he’s as disgusting as you said he was. What do you think the chances are of us seeing her again? We could save her.”

“Are you sure?” Natsumi answered. “What makes you think she even wants to see you again? That she even needs to be saved?” 

Reita was still trying to breathe properly. 

“What are you saying?” Uruha growled. Temperamental as ever. “Of course I’m sure. She loved us. She'd want to see us.”

“She’s selfish.” Natsumi could be pretty matter of fact when she wanted to be, huh? “Oh you get the impression that there are people that she cares for, but she would step on your neck if it would boost her an inch higher.”

“Don’t talk about her like that!” Uruha was snarling. Reita thought of trying to calm him, but couldn’t find the energy to even speak. “You don’t know shit about her!”

“I know that we took care of her. I nursed the bruises on her legs after long nights on shift, I cooked dinner with her when she barely knew how to turn the damn burner on, I listened to her go on about her damn dreams for us to find power. Every night, like a bed time story the same fucking tales about us deserving more, about us finding more together. I was there! And where were you when that happened? I knew enough about her to know I did everything I could to be close to that girl and she abandoned me without a word.” Natsumi huffed. “And she did the same to you.”

“It was different for us! She didn’t want to,” Uruha didn’t catch his cringe. “She was practically kidnapped!” or the way his head throbbed. Only he could feel that.

“No, she was probably only using –“

“Stop it!” Reita finally shouted. “Stop it…” Everyone around them was staring. He tried not to be bothered. He felt his brow grow sweaty, but he tried not to be bothered. “Just please, tell us where you think she is now.”

Natsumi grunted, arms folded across her chest. She shrugged. “Probably still with your boss, if she hasn’t grown tired of toying with him yet.”

“Thank you.” _Please leave._ And she obliged. She stood from her seat and tossed a final glance over her shoulder.

“I wasn’t doing this for you,”

_I know._

“I’m just tired of only speaking out when it’s convenient for me.”

_I know._

“It’s just that something had to give tonight.”

_I know._ “All us street rats are the same. We get tired of this life and its rules at one point or another.” Reita shrugged. “Stay safe out there, Natsumi.”

Neither men watched as Natsumi left.

Reita wasn’t sure if he was relieved to be alone with Uruha. Either he wouldn’t speak to him (a horrifying prospect) or he would (a horrifying prospect.) He sighed. He looked towards his old friend. And he waited. For anything.

“Akira, I don’t know what to say.”

“That makes two of us.”

“Do you know what this means?”

“What does it mean?” Was Reita excited or terrified? He couldn’t tell.

“We could see Hana again.”

Both.

“Akira, I think…I think we should go find her.”

It was only the natural progression of things. “Assuming they live together, she’d be in the Boss’s headquarters in the center of our territory. It’ll be difficult to break in.” This is what he wanted, he reminded himself. No use getting cold feet now. This is what he wanted. He wanted to find Hana.

“I think we can do it, Akira.” Uruha looked so excited. Like when they were kids and Hana would swipe candy for them – a rare and welcomed treat. Uruha’s eyes would light up so bright. “We’ll have to…” A little duller, went the twinkle in his eyes. “Tell Yuu, but. But I think the three of us can manage a break in.”

Akira sighed. This is what he wanted. “We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

Akira slid the bartender a bill for his drink, and gathered his things. He made the mistake of making eye contact with Uruha – he was still smiling.

“We’re going to find her, Akira.”

This is what he wanted.

“We’re going to see Hana again.”

Uruha was certain they’d be happily reunited.

Natsumi’s voice replayed in Reita’s head;

_Are you sure?_

No. He wasn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry this took so long <3 is anyone even still reading? Regardless, I plan on finishing Goddess no matter what it takes (and lemme tell you this chapter alone took A LOT), so please bear with me <3


	19. It's Been A While

Kouyou lifted his arms above his head, stretching his sore muscles, his joints creaking like the floorboards beneath his feet as he padded down the stairs. The couch in the general’s office had not treated his back kindly – but Yuu’s treatment would’ve been even harsher if he’d tried to worm his way into bed. He had decided not to risk it.

A sore back was better than a black eye, anyway.

Kouyou tiptoed down the stairs – scared that even the slightest sign of his existence would make Yuu furious. He couldn’t help it. He imagined Yuu, towering over him and demanding he leave his penthouse. He imagined him saying that he didn’t love him. He imagined him admitting that he never did.

Kouyou shivered, the scent of freshly brewed coffee pulling him back to reality.

He could hear voices in the kitchen and he followed the sound of them. He knew Akira was supposed to meet with them and discuss their next course of action, but it felt it was a little odd that Yuu hadn’t even bothered to wake him for it.

Whatever.

Kouyou forced a smile once he was in the kitchen, exactly who he thought he’d see staring right back at him (Akira was looking back at him at least – Yuu on the other hand had taken particular interest in the countertop.)

“Good morning.” Akira said.

Kouyou nodded, not exactly sure how to progress. He cleared his throat. “So, what have we been discussing?” He pulled out a stool and sat next to his fellow blonde. He wasn’t sure if Yuu wanted to be close to him.

He noted there were only two cups of coffee on the table, one for Yuu and one for Akira. He drug his hand through his hair.

“Just plans for our break in.” Akira smiled. 

Kouyou grunted in response.

Yuu didn’t speak a word. 

“You two will approach directly from the front while I hack the security system and swoop in to assist your escape.”

“Sounds easy enough.” Kouyou sighed. 

“By the time I reach you, the boss should be dead, and you should have Hana secured and ready to escape.” Akira shrugged. “Shouldn’t take more than an hour.”

Yuu was silent. 

The lingering anger over his fight with Yuu, his excitement to see Hana, his anxiety over the break in - all his feelings were swirling within him, thick in the back of his throat like the burn before you begin to cry. Through it all, Kouyou smiled. “Alright. So, are we ready to go?”

 

\----

 

The taxi had taken them as far as it could, dropping them on the practical doorstep of the central territory. Yuu handed the driver a wad of bills and the very second their feet touched concrete the driver peeled away.

Kouyou scoffed. “What a bitch…”

Yuu crossed his arms, trekking ahead of the blonde, jaw tight and brow creased. The way he figured, they were walking a mile into the central territory until they reached the main tower, and if Yuu had it his way they would do it with minimal interaction.

Looking out ahead of him, there wasn’t much going on, save for a few of their ‘customers’ strewn about the sidewalk, nodding off to sleep wherever they found space. That, and the handful of men chain-smoking off their balconies, leaning against walls, and patrolling the street corners. Not much at all, but Yuu knew, from the glares he received, they were in a dangerous situation surrounded by very capable men. He sighed. He didn’t want shit to do with Kouyou right now, but he had to remind himself that to let his feelings get in the way would be the death of them. 

“Come on.” Yuu muttered. “Now listen carefully. You’re gonna stick close to me, we may be Goddess, but half these assholes look like they wouldn’t mind killing us either way.”

Yuu ignored the way Kouyou perked up – his whole being beaming brighter than it had mere moments prior. 

He didn’t want Kouyou dead, but that didn’t mean all was forgiven.

“Yuu, I’m sorry.”

“Now’s not the time.” Yuu’s eye twitched. Hand on his knife and walking dead towards their goal – they’d have to be focused if they were to get what they wanted and Kouyou should’ve known that. Anger burned his face red; to have to work with this asshole after everything that occurred the night before was ridiculous, vice grip tightening on his knife he gritted his teeth, damn near unleashing a tirade on the blonde, but then - _focus_ , He thought. He needed to swallow his anger and just focus.

Ok. From their location, the main building was in plain view, but there were multiple alleys connecting to the main road that they could be ambushed from. The second variable was Reita; they hadn’t seen him since they split off from the penthouse but that was plan – he was to take the stealthy approach, hack the security system with Yuu’s laptop, and sneak in undetected as their secret weapon and back up. 

Phase one was just beginning, but so far so good. Only time would tell how long that would last.

“Yuu” Kouyou whispered, jolting him from his thoughts. “Behind us, someone’s following.”

Well that was short lived. “We can’t pick fights for no reason, the element of surprise is the only thing that’s gonna get us _in_ the building.”

“But if we lead one down an alley and dispose of him quietly, he won’t have a chance to alert anyone el--”

“Kouyou!” He snapped. “Shut up.” He didn’t want to listen to anything that asshole had to say. He wasn’t worth the time.

“Fine, Yuu.”

Finally, there was peace and quiet. Yuu was glad, but more than anything he was aware that they were indeed being followed. One stalker would be easy enough to handle should it come down to that, and so he wasn’t worried, and he couldn’t understand why Kouyou had been. Actually. On second thought, it was best to not think of Kouyou at all.

The entrance was in plain sight, only three blocks away and save for their lone stalker things were going incredibly well. He glanced to his side and Kouyou was panicking, his hand reaching for his holster, ready to blow everything for them in a heat of the moment urge to get their stalker off their tails.

Time slowed down.

Yuu could hear their followers every footstep. He tried to match their pace – to conceal the sound of every step with theirs, but the slightest difference in rhythm was loud to Yuu’s well trained ears. As was the rustle of his coat, Yuu turned. He threw a single glance behind him and saw the man reach up to his collar.

The man pressed a button – it must’ve been some kind of communication device.

Kouyou noticed as well.

His breathing picked up.

Yuu spun on his heels. Kouyou snapped around, gun raised.

The man spoke into the device – “Two intruders seeking unauthorized entrance at the main gate-”

Yuu’s mouth curled into a snarl.

“Backup requested.” The fucker said, eyes wide with the realization that his life was about to end.

Kouyou was seething with rage.

The blonde aimed his gun.

He pulled the trigger.

A step away from the glass doors, and Kouyou prepared to ruin all their progress.

Yuu was seething with rage.

In half a second’s time, Yuu lashed out. He lunged for Kouyou, kicking his legs out beneath him in one fluid movement.

The round fired into the air.

“You fucking idiot!” Yuu screamed, his heart pounding against his chest.

Kouyou stared at him wide eyed from the ground, but Yuu didn’t care. His knife was out and it was pointed at Kouyou and he didn’t care. This was for his benefit. This was to find his sister and he couldn’t even be assed to stick to plan. He had to put them all in danger to quiet his anxieties.

When Yuu looked up to was to an assault rifle in his face. The backup was here, it seemed. From behind the glass doors, poured fifteen soldiers, all armed and ready to kill.

Yuu sighed. Slowly, he put the knife in his pocket, and raised his arms.

He heard Kouyou’s gun clatter against the concrete, but couldn’t afford a glance of confirmation.

Voice shaky, the original stalker’s voice sliced through the silence. “What’s your business here?”

Yuu sighed, feeling the barrel of a gun press into the back of his head.

“What’s your business here.” One of the ones behind them repeated.

“Fuck Y-”

“ _Kouyou._ ” Yuu interrupted. “I’m Aoi. The General of the East and I have important information to deliver to the boss.”

“We weren’t told of any visitors today.”

“I didn’t contact anyone. It was far too important.”

“Can’t risk it. Shoot.”

Yuu grabbed his knife.

He kicked the legs out of the man behind him, sending him tumbling to the ground. 

But he was surrounded. Where there was one on the ground, there were ten more to take his place. Yuu frowned. There was no fighting them. They had already lost.

One of the men in front of them smirked – the lopsided lilt of his lips spelling their complete disaster. He aimed his gun, one eye closing as he zeroed in on Kouyou’s head. Mind racing, Yuu tried to find any opening – something, as long as it would give them the upper hand but there was nothing. No openings no escape no clearing. Yuu’s eyes snapped from the face of their assailant to the door behind him – there, the handle twisted and Yuu cursed. What else could wrong? Who else wanting to kill them would appear.

A shiny dress shoe is was came into vision first. Then, the fat and familiar face of the person Yuu had least expected to see. Yamato opened the door, “What’s all the commotion?” He chuckled. Yuu’s heart sank. He had no idea what Yamato’s appearance could spell for them. “Stand down.” He said.

And everyone listened. Yuu’s eyebrow quirked at that – these were Goddess members, not police officers. Yuu knew firsthand how important Yamato was to the gang, but he no idea he had the authority to give orders. What the hell was going on?

He tsked at the guards, arms folded across his chest. “These are my good friends, I would not be very happy if any of you had put a scratch on them.” He grinned at them, sugar sweet and horrendously out of place. “Come inside.”

Kouyou and Yuu shared a look, but they weren’t prepared to take this stroke of ‘luck’ for granted. Yuu knew Kouyou. He knew he’d stay on his toes so he wasn’t worried.

Kouyou snatched his gun up from off the ground, and then they followed.

“You should have just called me, darling.” Yamato said. “I’d have let you in safely if I knew this is what you wanted.”

“Why?” Kouyou said, untrusting.

“I’m always interested in a good show. I want to know how it’ll play out between you and her...”

“You sound as though you know who we’re looking for.” Kouyou said.

“Well who else could you be here for.” He chuckled, leading them into an elevator. When he got out he took them to a door. “Well.” Yamato said, his rotten teeth bared and on display. “She should be waiting for you right on the other side.”

One final smile.

He turned around, walking down a separate corridor. “See ya!” He said, disappearing around a bend.

Yuu tried not to look at Kouyou, his anger still lingering, but he couldn’t help it.

The blonde sighed, and then he smiled. Without even a moment of hesitation he opened the door.

They stepped inside. The office itself was pretty minimal, the entirety of it was glass, windows wrapping around them on almost all sides. The only pieces of furniture in the room was a glass table with two chairs on either side, and at the furthest window sat a desk, the chair turned away from them.

There was huff from across the room.

Kouyou’s gun was drawn and aimed. Yuu’s knife was in his hand, ready to play support at the moment.

This was it. He smiled.

Slowly, the chair began to turn.

He was finally going to see it – the face of the Boss – the leader of Goddess who had driven one of his dearest friend’s to insanity. The person who had commissioned the death of his ex-lover.

His body thrummed with bloodlust.

From across the room, the words that poured into the air were “Yamato, I know you’re not here to bother me again-” Hardly any of it registered.

It was a woman’s voice.

Finally, the chair stopped turning.

And there she was.

With a soft, round jaw, wide eyes, and short cropped, brown hair she was undeniably pretty, although extraordinarily dissimilar from Reita – but more than anything she was familiar.

She was the woman from Grandpa’s gun shop; the one who had accompanied the fat man in to negotiate with Grandpa; the one from the time he’d reconnected with Yune.

Her eyes were blown wide at the sight of first Kouyou, and then him. Her eyebrow twitched – oddly she didn’t look as happy as she did conflicted. The gulp she took was visible, even from all the way across the room.

Yuu did not lower his guard.

Kouyou did.

Something wasn’t right.

“Hana,” He whispered, teary eyed, and completely fucking stupid.

Couldn’t he read the air?

“Who are you?” Yuu growled.

“Yuu, what do you – this is my sister. This is Hana.”

God, his lover was stupid. “Who are you?” He asked once more. She looked like she was weighing her options, perhaps planning her escape. She did not look happy to be reunited with her brother. “Where is the Boss.”

Her sigh was visible.

Kouyou was scolding him, but the words fell on deaf ears. He was an idiot and he was to be ignored.

Her words seemed almost apologetic.

Each one fell into the air in slow motion.

It seemed as though it took an eternity to process each sound, like listening to someone speak a foreign language – filtering through your brain for a way to make sense of it all.

“I am the Boss.”

Kouyou was frozen.

Yuu’s entire body was alive with movement, from the blood rushing through his veins, to his feet lunging him forward to the girl who killed his first love.

“Wait!” Kouyou shouted, pulling Yuu back by the sleeve of his jacket, ripping the material as Yuu billowed forward. “ _Wait!_ ” And then he finally, with another desperate grab he got a firmer grip on Yuu’s arm, pulling him back and on an impulse as Yuu was forcefully pulled around he swung his arm and punched.

Their spectator didn’t breathe a word as Yuu’s fist connected with Kouyou’s cheek.

Yuu gasped, staring at his own hands in disbelief.

He looked up at Kouyou’s face – the blonde’s expression was blank, and the mark on his face was already red and swelling and Yuu knew it was going to be nasty.

He thought of his knife.

He wanted to apologize or to tell Kouyou he loved him or hurry and end his life but he didn’t. He stared up at Kouyou quietly.

Their spectator shifted, she reached into her drawer and grabbed something.

Yuu, even in his disoriented, self-pitying state, concluded it was a gun. Kouyou didn’t seem to notice or to care.

Amongst the three of them, Kouyou spoke first.

“Maybe,” He looked towards Hana. “Maybe we should let Hana explain herself.”

So, they were going to ignore what he’d done?

He bit into his bottom lip, hard, and tried to refocus. He looked towards the accused, and tried to put all his energy into staying alert. They had a mission at hand, Yuu reminded himself.

Hana sighed. “I knew...” She began. “That I’d be seeing you again someday.” And her lips tilted up in the saddest smile Yuu had ever seen – regretful.

Kouyou’s eyes were wide with hope.

Yuu bit into his lip even harder. He tried to stay focused – he couldn’t let his emotions get the best of him. He could taste blood on his tongue.

“A lot of things have happened Kouyou,” She said. Her voice was so soft – so careful, each word hand picked and packaged for the perfect delivery – like lying, but not exactly. She was leaving out so many details, it could almost count. “And there are a lot of things that you don’t understand about Goddess. But this ‘truth’, Kouyou is something you’ve gotten a little too close to.”

Yuu was only half hearing, the rest of his energy was spent clutching his knife so hard his knuckles were white. He took everything in him not to dig the damned blade into his arm. He thought of Takanori and he thought of Yune and he thought of Kouyou with the bruise forming on his cheek and everyone he had ever hurt and he wondered how disappointed his Grandpa would be in him.

He felt dizzy.

He released his bottom lip from his teeth, took a deep breath and tried to refocus.

He looked up and there were tears in Hana’s eyes. “I’ve stolen Goddess and grown it into something I thought I could only dream of.” She let out a sad, pathetic little laugh. “And I’m not ready to lose it.”

She shook her head.

“No one can know the secrets of it.”

And Kouyou had the stupidest little look on his face in the world. Yuu tried be angry at him for what he said the night before, but he couldn’t. He knew he had every right to be, but he couldn’t be angry at anyone but himself. He felt so stupid. Kouyou’s cheek was swelling and he was stupid.

Yuu turned back to Hana but he was a moment too slow – funny, really, how the smallest increments of time can make all the difference.

“I really did love you.” She said, and the gun Yuu had known was in her hand was aimed. There was a bullet flying through the air and Yuu knew he hardly had any time to evade it. 

Adrenaline did such funny things to the mind. With no time to spare, Yuu seemed to have all the time in the world. And he took that moment to consider standing still. He thought of every mistake he’d ever made and it seemed like the sweetest proposition – letting the bullet run through him and succumbing to death, a thought that had recurred ever since the day he’d found Takanori lifeless and slumped against the wall.

Yuu thought of Kouyou. The way he figured, if he was fast enough he could dodge out of the way, take cover behind the glass table and maybe even have enough time to collect himself for a retaliation. 

Yuu jumped out of the way.

And he landed. But as soon as his foot touched the ground he knew something was out of place. His ankle gave – the same one he had sprained before twisted and gave out. Crunching into a pile on the floor, Yuu cried out, useless and angry with himself. Why right here? Why right now?

His ankle throbbed in pain and it was obvious that he was out of commission, and would be for quite some time.

Kouyou’s attention was focused on Hana. Like she hadn’t just shot at them – like death was fine, maybe, so long as it was coming from her – he approached her desk, her gun still aimed with deadly intention. Kouyou was crying, his face red with tears and he was almost pleading “Hana…this can’t be right…There was an old man – a boss before you, he had to have put you up to this –”

The endorphins began to wear off and his breath became short, the throbbing pain in his ankle overtaking his senses.

She was backing away, arms shaking, but gun still raised. “I killed him a long time ago.” She said. Kouyou was shaking his head – as willfully ignorant as he could ever be. “Goddess is my sin.”

“I don’t understand…” Kouyou pleaded. He was so blind. “You’re my sister, Hana, I don’t understand.”

Perhaps it was some warped sense of pity on her face. “I always knew it would be like this.” She was almost smiling, but the tears wouldn’t stop. “I knew Akira was trying to find me. I’ve known for a long time.” She shook her head, the tears slowing down to a trickle. “And I knew that when the two of you joined Goddess things would become complicated. But my duty is to my gang, and nothing will get in the way of that.” All Yuu could do was watch helplessly as she aimed to kill. “I don’t know how else to make you understand. I hired the hitman that killed Takanori. I killed the first boss with my own hands. As we speak, Kai should be dead right now and if the two of you had stayed put, all would have gone according to plan and you’d be dead too.” Crawl forward and cry, that’s all he was able to do and not a single moment of it would be enough to save Kouyou from what she was setting up to do.

“Goddess is my only family.”

A gunshot sounded through the air and Yuu closed his eyes.

The sound of shattered glass hit his ears and his eyes snapped back open again. There was an air vent above the glass table that was now hanging off it’s hinges. The table itself was in pieces, shards sliding across the floors. Reita was standing on the pile of rubble, looking absolutely comical in the situation. He wore the same wide eyed expression Kouyou did when his eyes first landed on Hana.

Yuu’s eyes snapped to Kouyou. He seemed fine, sprawled out on the floor and staring in disbelief at his blonde brother, same as everyone else in the room. He must’ve ducked just in time to avoid being shot and for that Yuu was thankful.

“Hana,” He managed to choke out, but their reunion was cut short. 

The door behind them flung open. Backup was here – having heard the commotion in the Boss’s office.

There was about ten of them who rushed in all at once, shooting on sight. Thankfully for the skilled blondes, dodging the bullets was child’s play and fortunately for Yuu, he was discrete enough to go unnoticed sprawled on the floor. 

“Yuu’s hurt!” Kouyou yelled to his partner in crime, shooting one of their assailants fatally as Reita took two out himself, his aim deadly with his throwing knives. “We need to get out of here.”

Reita looked confused, glancing back at Hana. She just stood there, arms folded indignantly in what looked to Yuu like surrender. She was letting them go. She wouldn’t be going with them, but she was letting them go. And Yuu thought it was strange for someone who seemed to be heartless enough to kill her humble subordinates, her friends, her two brothers. And Yuu, for a moment, wondered if maybe Kouyou was right. Maybe there was more to it.

Kouyou pulled Yuu to his feet, breaking him out of his thoughts. He slung him over his shoulder and guided him out of the office as best he could, Reita blazing a path for them to follow. All of the original backup were dead, but more seemed to pour in from every angle. It was an endless flow of blood, every step of the way there was someone new to be killed and Yuu just hung there uselessly to Kouyou’s shoulder.

He wished he wasn’t such a burden. He wished he could rewind time. He wished he was dead.

Reita lead the charge down the stairs, the elevator that had got them to this floor being a non-option. Between Kouyou having to constantly fire his gun over his shoulder at those who dared to follow, and Yuu’s stumbling gait, they were much slower then he would have liked and Yuu couldn’t help but wonder how the hell they were going to make it out of there when they _left_ the building. Surely, they’d be surrounded.

It all felt so hopeless.

They pushed forward. 

When they reached ground floor they broke through the doors, pushing their way out into the streets. The commotion didn’t seem to extend outside the building’s perimeters, but they didn’t know how long that would last.

“How are we going to get out of here?” Yuu asked.

“I had planned for a more quiet escape,” Reita admitted. Great. So essentially, they were helpless and at the mercy of the streets around them.

Just as Kouyou opened his mouth to protest, Reita cursed. He turned around to face the two of them and suddenly, Yuu understood what was happening. There was a wound across Reita’s face were a bullet had grazed him – From one of the buildings, they were being shot at. There was a sniper after them.

“We need to run.” Kouyou said. And they did, Yuu limping along as fast as he could. The bullets fell silently, whizzing by their head dangerously. 

“Fuck,” Yuu cursed. As if anything else could go wrong, there was a car coming into view. Speeding down the street, there was a single foreign car. “Fuck.” Yuu cursed again. They had no time to react as speed demon billowed towards them and for the nth time that day Yuu thought that he was going to die. The car came to a clean halt right in front of them.

The window rolled down, and a familiar face was behind the steering wheel. Signature smile devoid from his face, Kai said “Hurry and get in.” and they were all too happy to oblige.

As soon as the doors were closed, Kai peeled off, not looking back once. Everything was all too perfect, and Yuu, in his weakened voice said the only thing that could possibly come to mind. “Thank you.”

And Kai shrugged, weaving them through traffic and guiding them as far away from Goddess territory as possible.

“You three should have told me what you were planning.” Kai scolded. “I mean, your trail was obvious, Reita, you’re not the only one good at hacking here. But you should have told me.”

“Sorry,” Reita said. “Are we not heading back to your house?” He asked, noticing the landscape shift from city to fields, in the opposite direction of Kai’s territory.

He scoffed. “What house?” Kai continued. “Die himself, boss of Karasu, attacked me.” Yuu’s eyes blew wide. “I doubt there’s anything left. They attacked your complex too, Aoi. Hear it was horribly bloody.” 

Reita lit up a cigarette. “I don’t think we’ll be safe on Goddess territory anymore.” He blew the smoke out the window. “We don’t have anywhere to go.”

Yuu thought of what Hana had said during their altercation; _As we speak, Kai should be dead right now and if the two of you had stayed put, all would have gone according to plan and you’d be dead too._ If they were attacks planned by her, then why were they executed by Karasu? Yuu, with a fever brewing in his skull and his ankle swelling to twice its size, didn’t have the capacity to dwell on it. He leaned his head against the seat in front of him, screwed his eyes shut and tried as hard as he could to make every sensation stop. 

He didn’t get very far.

Kouyou’s sigh beside him rang loud in his ears. He let out a frustrated growl, and Yuu’s mood grew dark, even more so than it already had been. He knew his lover well enough to know that he was getting angry.

When his eyes opened again, Kai was pulling them into a self-service gas station. Kai got out the car and so did Kouyou.

The blonde leaned against the car, his arms folded across his chest like a child in the middle of a tantrum.

Kai shot him a questioning look, and as if that was the final straw, Kouyou snapped.

“We’re fucking stranded.” Kouyou punched the side of Kai’s car and Yuu flinched as the vehicle rocked from one side to the other.

Yuu watched Kai approach him, casting a pleading glance back at Reita who was getting out the car as well.

Yuu felt his own desire to destroy begin to brim. He wanted to punch and kick and scream – they had gotten this far only to have it ripped out beneath them. Only to have the answer to all their problems become issues themselves. If Yuu were younger, he would have cried.

Kai shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Unsure. He looked at Reita, then back at Kouyou. “There’s still hope.”

Yuu watched Kouyou’s face burn red. “ _Hope?_ ” It was only a moment, but in that time Kouyou snatched the collar of Kai’s shirt and pulled them so close together their noses were touching. The snarl on his face was terrifying. “We have t-to. We have to kill my sister and you want me to _hope_?”

Reita reached out, fought Kouyou’s hands away from Kai. “Calm down--”

_Isn’t it supposed to be me who comforts him?_

“We can reorganize--” Kai tried.

“How! We don’t have anywhere to fucking go. They’ll goddamn kill us before we even--”

“Would you _listen_!” Kai finally screamed. “Hear me out, there’s one place I think we can still find refuge.” Kai threw open the car door and fell into his seat. Through the rear-view mirror, he looked at Yuu, and something in his eyes made him want to run. Something about having all their eyes on him made him want to run.

“Aoi, do you still know where your Grandfather lives?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE but the good news is the next chapter is done and the one after is 2/3rds complete and since i have a working computer now i can FINALLY POST AGAIN.
> 
> Fun fact. before i started writing this chapter I had to reread Goddess cus i forgot what my own fic was about lol
> 
> And shit guys. we finally met Hana. Is she all that you dreamed of?
> 
> Thanks, as always, for sticking with me and Goddess. I can't wait to post more of it for you guys.


	20. Bridges

Yuu’s chest constricted with each breath – his lungs burning with the same pain his eyes did as he bit back tears. He couldn’t show any weakness. He couldn’t he couldn’t he couldn’t he couldn’t – not now. Not when his strength mattered the most. Not when he’d been through so much worse.

Figures, doesn’t it? That all the trials he passed, it wouldn’t be enough – not until he conquered this too. 

He hoped God was getting a good laugh. 

Kai had carried him from his car on his back, and if he could feel the tension in Yuu’s body he said nothing. “Are you ready?” he said.

And Yuu joined in on the laughing. “How could I be?” But with Kai’s loosening grip he slid to the ground, standing on his one good foot. He inched towards the door. He took a deep breath, and then one look behind him.

He was crying he was laughing so hard. Yuu’s lead armies of people – dedicated soldiers and the fiercest warriors of Goddess and here they were – their last hurrah and all he had behind him were three wounded and whimpering boys. Depressed and struggling. Hurt and trying to hold it together.

The bruise on Kouyou’s cheek sent a pang through his heart.

“How did we end up like this?” It was all too funny. This was their last hope? He couldn’t stop laughing.

Smile wide, heart heavy, brain full of static, Yuu didn’t even bother to knock. He hung a heavy hand on the doorknob and yanked it open and it was unlocked as always with Grandpa.

Smile wide, vision fading, he took one step forward on his broken ankle and the whole world lurched to the side.

Smile wide, the whole world went black and Yuu’s face hit the floor.

 

\----

 

Warmth - it was the only sense Yuu could get a handle on as consciousness drifted in and out, in and out, in and, finally, in and clearer.

Next it was the throbbing pain in his head along with the one in his leg.

He groaned, but his voice was so weak it hardly made any noise.

Sound came back to him slowly. First, it was only a ringing in his ears, then, voices. They were a quiet, jumbled collection of sounds long before he could begin to make out words.

He could hear Kai’s voice; Reita’s and even Kouyou’s.

Next came emotion - namely longing. Primal, childish, selfish longing for Kouyou to be close to him - so close that the edges between him and the blonde would blur together. 

Another voice became clear - 

“I can’t believe you’ve brought him home.” 

\- it was disgustingly familiar. 

Suddenly, Yuu had to puke. 

And then, out again.

 

—-

 

Kouyou watched Yuu’s Grandpa blow smoke out of an open window, his body hunched over the windowsill. The window overlooked his garden, which seemed to wrap around his entire house, color bursting in every direction before giving way to the rolling green hills of the forest he lived in the middle of. The garden even seemed to extend to the inside of his house, plants filling every corner and what wasn’t touched by green was space filled with instruments. There were about five different guitars all throughout every part of the house Kouyou had seen.

It was a quiet piece of the mountain, his only neighbors the townspeople settled at the base of said mountain, so far away that they were nothing but a blur in the distance. No police sirens in the background. No traffic noise. Just the distant calls of owls in the darkness, peaceful and lulling, the old man wrapped in his night robe seeming to be the protector of it all. 

He stubbed out his cigarette and tossed it out the window. 

“Thanks for the smoke” he said, having bummed a cigarette from Akira. He didn’t smoke anymore, he had told them, but with the stress of his grandson returning to him, and in that state that he was in, he understood.

What he didn’t understand was the need to thank Akira - he had no choice in the matter anyway.

In the cozy house in the mountains, Akira, Kai and Kouyou were all seated on the floor, shackled to the kitchen table. 

“No problem, mister” Akira replied, and it was purely comical.

“Just call me Grandpa. All the kids in town do.” 

Kouyou’s eye twitched. He didn’t want to make any worse of an impression then he already had, but he had one single burning question. “I’m glad we’re bonding or whatever the fuck but when exactly are you going to untie us?” 

Grandpa tsked. “What a foul mouth you have.” His glare was intense. He could see where Yuu got it from. “And I believe I’ve answered that question before.” He said, picking his riffle up from where it had lay against the wall, just holding it in his hands, wise as to keep it out of their reach. They weren’t going to try anything - but Grandpa didn’t seem very convinced.

“You two,” he looked at Kai and Akira, “don’t seem like trouble.” And then him. “But you can’t ever be too careful.”

Kouyou sighed.

“Especially not after the state you brought my grandson to me in.” His hands clenched around the gun. His jaw was tight. “After I ask him what happened, you’ll be free to go.”

“Why would we bring him here if we meant to harm him?” Kai argued.

“I don’t think you would harm him. Or me.” He smiled, gun in arm and walking up the stairs, probably to the room where Yuu was resting. “But you did lure my grandson away from me, and get him beat up, so I guess I’m a little bitter. Call this pay back.” He shrugged and made his way up the staircase.

“You’ve got a pretty tough in-law to impress there, Kouyou.” Akira said.

 

——

 

Yuu was awake. Really awake - not hanging in the limbo between consciousness and sedation. 

Yuu was awake and he was exhausted; very exhausted for someone who had been doing nothing but lay on his back for - how long now? He wasn’t sure.

Yuu was awake and when he saw the doorknob to the bedroom twist, he knew it was happening in reality - not some feverish, anxiety nightmare. 

When Grandpa was on the end of the door, when he was walking over towards the bed where he lay, when he was saying to him, in the softest, most sincere voice “If you weren’t already hurt I’d break _both_ your ankles myself.” It was real. 

Yuu’s stomach turned.

He stayed silent.

Grandpa was hovering over him now. He swept Yuu’s hair out of his eyes.

Yuu fought back tears.

“I thought I’d never see you again, Grandson.” 

It was a losing battle. He did not wipe the tears from his face, but let them roll down his face freely. 

He stayed silent. 

“I was angry at you for a long time.” Grandpa said. He sat at the edge of the bed.

Yuu didn’t look at him - he couldn’t move to do so. Breathing labored, pulse racing, he could do nothing but stare and cry.

“I was angry at myself for a long time.” He carded his hands through Yuu’s hair once again. “I’ve always imagined the things I’d say to you if I ever saw you again.”

Yuu was afraid Grandpa was crying as well. He didn’t want to see that. 

He stayed silent. 

“But somehow, none of that seems important anymore.” Grandpa laughed, but Yuu could tell it wasn’t because anything was funny. “God, I missed the hell out of you, Yuu.”

Yuu spoke. 

“I’m so sorry.”

He wondered where his knife was.

“You were a dumb kid, Yuu, but damn I never knew you were this stupid.” There was no malice in his words. 

“I’m so sorry.”

“Oh hush,” there was an arm around his shoulder and Yuu cried even harder. He didn’t deserve the comfort.

Grandpa sighed. “So I guess I have no choice but to untie your friends downstairs.”

Yuu hiccuped. “Untie?”

 

——

 

General Kai was sitting cross-legged on the tatami floors, his head leaning up against the sliding doors behind him. Kouyou saw more than heard the sigh he exerted.

“Back to square one, huh guys?” He laughed, that megawatt smile of his completely out of place for the situation.

Grandpa had set them free not even an hour ago and led the three of them, shotgun in hand, to a spare room he kept. They couldn’t complain, it was spacious enough for three people and Akira had boasted the softness of the futons he found in the closet, but Kouyou couldn’t help but burn to see Yuu. 

They were free and so he must be awake. All he had to do is find him. 

Akira sighed. “With Aoi’s injury we’ll have to stay here for a while. It’ll be two months before he can walk, let alone fight.”

Kai grunted in agreement. “Hopefully she doesn’t relocate. Finding her again could prove problematic, and now that we’re enemies of Goddess well have to be even more careful about breaking in, and finding information could prove a hassle.” 

Akira nodded.

“It would be best to lay low for now.” Kai added. 

All Kouyou could think about was Yuu. 

“It would be easy for the two of you, given that Hana had been close to you, to simply let her go free.” Kai laughed. 

Kouyou shut everything out of his mind. He needed Yuu he needed him he needed him he needed him. 

“But if I had to, I would make enemies out of the two of you. I want to make that clear - the two of you have past with her but to me she’s just someone who killed two of my closest friends. I will kill her myself if I have to. No matter what that means for us, I will kill her.”

Kouyou shot up. He felt like he couldn’t catch his breath. “I’m going to find Yuu.” He said and he wasn’t sure if they had even heard him. His voice had been so quiet.

His head felt like it was full of air.

He stepped out into the hallway and tried to calm his breathing. Hand on the wall for support, he stumbled forward. Blindly, he walked through Grandpa’s kitchen, his eyes trained to the floor, carefully choosing each step he took as if the wrong one could have him hurdling to the floor. He went up a set of stairs and he idly began to realize he didn’t know which room was Yuu’s. But he didn’t have to find out.

At the top of the stairs, Kouyou’s head rose and he saw, down the hallway and leaning against a door that he could only assume was Yuu’s, was Grandpa. 

Kouyou approached. 

Grandpa was silent, but the shotgun in hand spoke volumes.

_’You should be dead’_ s and ’ _you’re worthless’_ es and ’ _why do you even try’_ s we’re loud in Kouyou’s head.

“What?” He whispered, nose to nose with Yuu’s Grandpa.

The scowl on his face was horrifying. Yuu was his spitting image. Kouyou registered the barrel of the shotgun pressing into his ribs. “If you hurt my Grandson I’ll make every remaining moment of your life hell.”

The old man took ahold of Kouyou’s shoulders. He shoved. Kouyou stumbled back, coilliding with the wall behind him, his heads foggy with thoughts of Yuu and loud with _’I wish you were dead_ s and _’I wish you were dead_ ’s and _’I wish you were dead_ ’s.

Grandpa disappeared down the hallway and Kouyou was trying to catch his breath. His hands were shaking. His vision was blurring at the corners.

He needed to see Yuu.

Stumbling forward, he pulled the door open. He barely saw or heard or thought he just propelled himself forward, top half falling against the edge of Yuu’s bed. He slumped against his lover’s chest, his knees on the floor, his whole body shaking.

_”God”_ He sobbed. Yuu’s arms felt so warm around his body. “God, I’m such a fucking idiot.”

Yuu pressed his laugh into Kouyou’s hair. “I know, Kouyou.”

“I’m so sorry Yuu.” The words weren’t even discernable. He pressed his face harder into Yuu’s chest – as close as he could get.

“You’re an idiot, Kouyou, and so am I.” He pressed a tender hand to the bruise on his cheek. “But we were made for each other.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are super appreciated <3 They keep me going.
> 
> I'll try to have the next up next week, but im working the next 7 days straight, so only god knows if ill have the time/energy to write, so keep me in your prayers lmao


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